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anonymous
writes: I’m 19 and my b/f is 23.I’ve NEVER cheated on him (or anyone for that matter) and would never.I love my boyfriend of a year who is totally amazing and the best boyfriend any girl could want but I recently redeveloped my love for my ex who’s 20.We broke up 4 years ago but have had a few sexual encounters since then (Last one was 2 years ago.)We’re still mates coz we have many mutual friends, we don’t hang out regularly tho.We send each other random text/myspace messages.(I’ve always been madly in love with him)He always subtlety flirts with me….complements my figure ect.(He’s stayed over with me and my b/f before me and my b/f don’t live together still with parents)Sounds odd but my Dad keeps in touch with him too.My b/fs amazing I don’t work or go on benefit so he pays for EVERYTHING. I love him and I’m very much IN love with him.But omg my ex sexy maybe its a mad crazy crush I really dont think so tho.I keep catching myself fantasizing bot my ex...not really in that way more a 'What if we got back together??' and 'What if this was to happen??' Kinda way.This seams to be making me really very confused now tho and I dont know why.I keep turing it over and over in my head.Crazy thing my ex is kind of player and when we were together he cheated on me and left me for another girl.Dont think hes like that anymore.I really donno what to do.Am I maybe just longing for a bad boy figure or subconsciously looking for a way out of my current Realitonship?I don’t even know what to type I‘m THAT confused about the whole thingAdvice please.
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broke up, cheated on me, crush, flirt, got back together, my ex, my figure, player, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Cathy Carry  +, writes (31 October 2008):
Dear girl,
I am a 24 year old girl, and previously in my life i had 4 relationships with different boyfriends that is.
My last relationship lasted for 4 years. My boyfriend he bought me gifts, he was intelligent, an orator, he was very handsome and goodlooking.. he was a perfect gentleman..what I always wanted. And i loved him with all my heart.
The thing is that love is not about being happy in a relationship. Some people experience sexual urges more than others and this is called PASSION. A passionate person needs a partner that turn on his/her sexual urges and meets her sexual fantasy.
Its not a question of you wanting a bad boy.. Its a question that you want your partner to be passionate. Your ex boyfriend seems to have been a passionate lover more than your current boyfriend. Thats y you still interest yourself in him, cause your current boyfriend is not fulfilling you sexually and emotionally in the way that your ex used to do. You need excitement in your relationship. You are still 19, still young.. YOU NEED EXCITEMENT if you want to be happy in the future.
To continue my story.. I also used to think of one of my exes whilst I was with my boyfriend. After a year and a half of this dilemma.. I met a guy.. who wow.. i got simply crazy about him..He was simply alluring and.. .. the way he speaks, his facial expressions, him being absolutely georgeous and goodlooking, his manners.. the thing is that he wasnt a bad guy. (IT IS NOT A QUESTION THAT YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO BAD GUYS.. ITS A QUESTION THAT YOUR EX HAS CERTAIN TRAITS AND WAYS, THAT ALLURE YOU AND EXCITE YOU MORE THAN YOUR CURRENT BOYFRIEND).
I fell for him.. It was hard leaving my boyfriend. I cried for him i had been with him for 4 years, but i took a bold decision and left him. I cried and had many memories and I was depressed and sad.
But.. when my new boyfriend got close to me..it was like fire.. something I never felt before in my other 5 previous relationships...
Believe me... If you want your life to be happy.. go for someone who excites you. Else you can have a serene life with your current bf but also a dull one.
So choose, either SERENE BUT DULL, or FULL OF PROBLEMS BUT UTTERLY EXCITING.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was just explaining my situation to you I wasnt trying to be cheeky
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Mate,
If you dont like people to help why ask for their help.
I was only saying what I said because you seem to relish the freebies you get from your boyfriend and take them for granted, which doesnt make you the most independent of people in my book .
You claim to be so much in love with your boyfriend yet you cant stop thinking about your ex. Let me contend that you are not truly in love with your boyfriend as you claim, if you were you wouldnt be thinking about your ex all the time, so that makes you naive and immaturein my opinion and you are doing a diservice to this man who is paying for everything for you by thinking about another man behind his back. If you only want people to tell you what you want to hear, then you have come to the wrong site. People will give you advice based on what you write.
I'm sorry but that's the way it is.
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A
female
reader, dangerouslove.  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 We are both are pretty much in the same predicaments.
I have an amazing guy that I love, who loves me too. Except I met this another guy who has quite the bad boy figure, appealing isnt it?
I cannot stop thinking about him, and he's constantly on my mind, and your right. I don't think I've ever crossed terms with, "What if we dated" just "What if this happened, or what if we did this?" That's the kick out of it. We find ourselves crazy over the guys that we don't even know if we can imagine ourselves with.
For me, i just like the thrill, and I want an adventure and to explore. Except I am fifteen and you are nineteen.
So, my advice for you is different, I think you like the "idea" of your ex boyfriend. I know it's hard to resist, but you have a boyfriend whom you say you love, and seems to me like he loves you too.
Don't go dropping all of that to go mingle with the one who left you for another girl, and will probably do it again. I'm almost postive he has not changed his ways.
Best of luck ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question& my ex no longer gos out with THAT other girl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm trying to get back to work or college thank you very much
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (3 July 2008):
Hi,
can I ask why you don't work? Is it because your boyfriend supports you or you are simply looking for work and are having trouble finding a job. At 19 you should be developing your independence as a woman, not relying on others for handouts. I think all this free time is letting your imagination run wild , you are bored and need excitement in your life to cover for the huge gaps missing by furthering your education or working - and your cheating ex boyfriend who flirts with you provides this added bit of excitement - I'm sorry mate but it is a rather pathetic situation.
If you honestly think your badboy boyfriend has changed, I think you are also rather naive. You still fancy him because he left you in the lurch so you had no closure, that is all. Forget about him, and cess communication he is obviously keeping you as a spare in case his other relationship falls over , then he can come back to you for sex. So stop taking advantage of your current boyfriend, get a job so you can pay your own way, or go back to college and study, or do you really want to be a kept women?
It's not a good way to live your life at your age, as he may split up with you and you will have no money, no job , nothing and you will still be on your own.
good luck.
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