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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm 18 years old and involved in a healthy, loving relationship. This guy is amazing, sweet, kind, and a beautiful person. We've been together for 5 months. However, he is a bit too sensitive. Sometimes I think he is almost spineless. I'm a very emotional person, so to see him cry is like having 10,000 razor blades stabbing my heart. Example A. If I criticize his actions, in the midlest manner, he gets very upset, and starts calling himself worthless, starts blaming himself, and begins to cry. About a week ago, he took me to school on his motorcycle and it started raining. I got sick but never blamed him... He went crazy over it and started blaming himself, apologizing and crying and just being quiet for the entire day. He's my age and we're both seniors. I love him a lot but sometimes I'm sadder when I'm with him. Mostly because he's so nice. He buys me anything I express interest in, with or without my consent. He goes out of his way to be with me, sometimes missing school with me. And I just feel like I can't take it sometimes, like it's too much love, like he's more in love with me than I am with him. It scares me because I've grown so attached, and I never want to hurt him. He's never done anything bad to me, ever, ever. But he's just SO sensitive. It feels like there are two girls in this relationship sometimes, not a guy and a girl. I don't feel moral support. When I cry, he starts crying too, instead of just comforting me like a man should. I'm not saying he's a "pussy" (sorry for using such a term), I just feel like I deserve some masculine comfort once in a while. He doesn't stand up for himself and falls easily under the pressure of friends. My girl-friends used to use him for rides until I told him to stop. When we're sitting on a couch, and I'm upset at something, he gets upset too and breaks down. I don't know how else to explain it but all I know is that I want to work on it with him. What can I do? Am I being a bad girlfriend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): Hi, it sounds as if your boyfriend has a very low self esteem, is emotionally needy and perhaps draining. Because of your need to constantly reassure, maybe your needs aren't being met. Maybe he naturally had a gentle sensitive nature, (which is a beautiful thing) and its a possibility he has grown up in an abusive environment which has affected him in this way. In other males, the low self esteem and neediness can come across in an abusive, controlling way. It sounds as though counselling may help with the self esteem issue, maybe any abuse issues, and assertiveness training.
A
female
reader, slipperyslope1234  +, writes (26 February 2010):
I think you want him to be more manly, you have to treat him that way. Allow him to show up for you this way. I know this sounds odd, but some saying says "treat a person as they are and they will remain as they are; treat a person as they can and ought to be and they will become all that they can and ought to be." See and reward the times he is strong and confident. Make a huge deal out of this. What you praise is what you get more of. Change your perception of him and how he reacts to you and in time this will pay off. It's not easy. You have to see something that's not really there...someone more confident and takes control in positive ways.
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A
male
reader, goodguy11  +, writes (25 February 2010):
Well back in high school I was like him but not to that extent. I've been used and made fun of many times. Sometimes I thought of myself not good enough for any girl. By the time I was a senior I grew out of that and I didn't care what people had to say about me and I didn't give the girls I liked that much attention and how the tables have turned when they wanted to be with me. Not saying I became a bad person I just became my own person and started to defend myself if I felt I didn't do anything wrong. I'm hoping this is just a phase for him. Eventually he will grow out of it like I did because he has to or else this cruel world will chew him up and spit him back out. Whether it's at school or at work or life itself he has to defend for himself and hold others accountable not just himself. He also has to learn to say no sometimes. He's young and starting to become an adult male so he's changing. He's not a bad boyfriend at all so don't look into this as a problem. If it gets really bad then he needs couseling. But for now I wouldn't worry about it just embrace it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Your b/f seems the effiminate type .Some are born that way and others grew up in a female dominated surroundings.
Some would discover their real sexuality later on in life .
He will need to mix more with the boys to become more manly , watch more of those macho men videos and movies and you need to educate him about manly roles.
A person is born that way and it is difficult to change his behaviour and mannerisms.
If you want a macho type, you will have to shop for a new b/f.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 February 2010):
 In a way I'd say you're looking to much into this, as far as stereotyping how you see a guy should behave, instead of respecting him for his individuality. He's not controlling you, beating you, or walking all over you, that's a huge plus when looking at how so many people are treated.
Now about him. This behavior, although it is okay for guys to cry and have these emotions, his are at an abnormal level. I feel that deep down inside him, he sees himself as not being good enough and as a "natural" failure. Somewhere along the line he developed a high level of self blame, even where he's not to blame. It's not bad to be sensitive, but at this level he can greatly negatively impact his life going into adulthood. I don't know enough about him to give you a proper direction or provide him with one aside from his seeing a psychologist to see what is going on and why. I will say, if he can get this under control, he sounds like a keeper in the way he treats you.
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A
male
reader, Mickey2492 +, writes (25 February 2010):
You gotta ask Yourself this: would i rather have a bf like that or would i rather have a bf who is tough and never shows affection and doesnt care all to much.to tell you the truth you have a very genuine guy.ive seen so many beautiful and almost flawless girls date jerks and to this day i still dont knowwhy.a guy as genuine as your bf doesnt come along everyday.if you 2 love each other than thats all that should matter :) sure he may be a lil sensitive, but thats who he is.thats what makes him who he is and thats the person you love. sure you may need your space sometimes so dont be afraid to tell him, but compromise with him :) u 2 are gonna be just fine. And just remember, you dont meet a guy like thay every day
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