A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right well...Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now and it troubles me how thin he is. I love him for who he is but because I myself have a slight weight problem, it makes me feel bad.He's not anorexic and I'm not obese but everytime we do stuff and I see his body compared to mine it makes me feel really bad. I'm not a very self concious person and I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it.I honestly love him because he knows me so well and he makes me feel better when I'm troubled but I can't confront him with this problem because I'm afraid it might ruin what we have. Please help, any advice would be grateful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): He obviously loves you just how you are. He probably has no idea you're feeling this way as he thinks upon you as being perfect as you do him. The thing to do is you should imagine yourself as sexy as you know he sees you. If you can get yourself into this frame of mind you will have all the confidence in the world! Size really doesn't matter. He clearly finds you sexy so you just have to see yourself as he does.Instead of focusing on your insecurities take a good long look in the mirror and write down the parts of you that you DO like. I also think you should tell your boyfriend about your insecurities and get him to tell you the parts of you that he likes. Step into his frame of mind and eventually you'll start thinking "actually I really do have nice legs/bum/tum". There are millions of men who prefer a normal woman to a stick insect.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Guess what?? He probably feels the same way as you do. He probably feels small & insecure that he's thin..talk about it with him.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (8 August 2007):
I can't add anything new, so I'll just reiterate and hope it makes a difference that i am the only guy posting so far.
You feel bigger because he is thinner. He loves you just the way you are. You don't love him less for being thin do you?
Talk to him about it. Since he's caring, he'll understand. People that care for each other are open with each other. If that doesn't ease your mind, see a social worker or a therapist.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 August 2007):
 You need to realize that he loves you just as you are. If he wanted a thinner girl then he'd be out of the door in a flash. If it would make you feel better why not drop a couple of pounds by exercising and eating a bit less? This really shouldn't be bothering you to this extent, honey. Relax and enjoy your relationship.
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A
female
reader, natalie :-) +, writes (8 August 2007):
Hi,
I can understand completely how you feel.
I myself have felt like this in the past, especially when previously having dated larger men and feeling so dainty, to dating those who were much slimmer and feeling huge!
The fact that your boyfriend is thin is probably making you feel much bigger than you actually are.
What you need to remember is that your boyfriend wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you or find you attractive.
For all you know, he could be self-conscious of his own size, and feel inferior compared to larger men.
He obviously cares for you, as you say he makes you feel better when you are troubled.
It may be a difficult subject to talk to him about, as you might hurt his feelings, but I'm sure if you did mention it he would only reassure you that you are perfect to him anyway.
People are all different shapes and sizes, and you should try not to dwell on this, and continue to love him for who he is, and love yourself for who you are.
Good luck.
x
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