A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My new bf is really clingy. I'm 33 and he's 29 and I adore him but he is always needing to be touching me somehow, or hugging or kissing and k find it really overwhelming. I tell him and he gets upset or offended as if I don't like him when I say look just give me a little bit of space, especially in the mornings he wants to have sex and this will be a long process of around an hour to an hour and a half and I'm really not a morning person. We have sex four times a day average and I enjoy it but it would be nice to have a little break from it because my body hurts and I feel just exhausted by it. He wants constant reassurance that everything is ok. I love him but oh my god I wish he could just dial it back a notch.
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 May 2021):
 Drop and block him. As was said already, this is not love, it's entirely selfish.
The more you care about how he feels the more he'll play you. Act as though you don't care, even if you have to rake it.
At this early stage people generally put their best foot forward, and if this is his, this is a huge red flag.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 May 2021):
 When people speak of abusive relationships, they are usually referring to things like being shouted at or physically hurt. However, a complete refusal to respect a partner's wishes and boundaries is, in my opinion, just as abusive and no less harmful.
I had an "insecure" boyfriend like this many years ago (when I was still quite young, inexperienced and naive) and thought, at the time, that he was "just insecure" or "just very excited to be in a relationship with me". Over time his true character surfaced and he became increasingly more controlling and demanding. Luckily I had the strength of character to realize this was not a healthy way to run a relationship and dumped him. (There followed a long episode of me being stalked, of him turning up at friends' houses when I was there and even an attempt to run me over with his car - all because he had lost control of me.)
A complete refusal to respect someone's boundaries is never healthy. Neither is sulking because you stand up for yourself. That is just an attempt at emotional blackmail.
His behaviour should be sounding loud sirens and violently waving red flags at you. Please consider where this relationship is heading and whether you want to go that way.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): I agree with WiseOwl your relationship is still new and he seems to have been sex starved for a very long time. Probably he is usually not very successful with women . I hope his fervor will wear out as time goes. You say you adore him but are you able to put up with his present enthusiasm for that long? It is up to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): This seems to be a new relationship. The novelty hasn't worn-off yet.
Give it another six to nine months.
You know how to say "no!" If this is a new relationship; this is the phase when you set your boundaries, establish an understanding about sex...the do's and the don'ts. You have to be reassuring, but assertive; when it comes to what he's allowed to do with YOUR body, when, and how much. You're a person, not a plaything!
You don't structure your relationship around his insecurities. He has to respect you; and be considerate of your feelings. If you don't get this right at the very beginning; it will force you to end the relationship just to breathe, and maintain some sense of self.
I suspect he has had a failed-relationship, or two; or he broke-up with someone not that long ago, before he started dating you. The insecurity just seems somewhat like rebounding. Like he's trying to make up for something recently lost; or he's still grieving over a breakup...even if it was months or years past.
He's not a child, he's a grown-man. Treat him like one! Meanwhile, insist he treat you like a whole-person; not just a stack of lady-parts, or his security-blanket.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (26 May 2021):
 You have expressed how you feel by trying to communicate with him, you have said you would like a little bit of space but it seems to fall on deaf ears.
his insecurities are what are making him offended, upset, and being needy.
I feel you have to toughen up some more with this situation, as i feel if you don't you are going to end up feeling smothered, trapped, and doing things that you really don't want to do.
Relationships should be give and take, accepting other persons wishes, and their boundries.
He does sound rather immature to me, maybe he might grow out if this, or maybe this is just the way he is.
Set some boundries, be firm and lay it down with how yo want things to be. If nothing changes then you might want to consider if this relationship is really for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2021):
 Do you two live together?
If not, TAKE a day off from seeing him and REST.
Also, it seems rather unhealthy that he can't accept that you need a little personal space. He doesn't seem to respect YOUR boundaries at all.
If morning sex isn't your thing it doesn't mean you just have to suck it up.
Is he so "fragile" that you can't tell him to dial it back a notch? Seriously?
At some point, he will just do whatever he wants because YOU don't set firm boundaries.
If he wants to pout, LET him.
This would drive me up the wall. It's so not OK and it's not just him being "loving" - he is being UTTERLY selfabsorbed.
...............................
|
