A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I were going to use his family’s motor home for the weekend. His mom learned I was not getting the covid vaccine and told my boyfriends dad his dad then stated I couldn’t be in his motor home his house or his cabin. I was upset and I told my boyfriend it’s my business not there’s I’m an adult I just won’t come around anymore. We rented a camp spot as well but got the money partially refunded.I found his mom is clingy to him. He goes home every other week and then stays with me for one. He stays with his parents due to having a son living in their city an hour away from me. His mom is now making my boyfriends dad not like me. I know I should quit while I’m ahead. IMy boyfriend did state that he would cut his family off but I said no and that I didn’t want to cause problems. He said his parents are pushing him away and being controlling. He then asked me to move to his city to get a place with him but I’m skeptical. I feel as if his parents and younger sisters would come over as if nothing happened. I could understand the controlling portion if he was 17 but he is 30!!!!! My family loves from afar and respects what I do in my life. He also said his parents are pushing him away and that he wanted to move out and temporarily loose custody of his son until him and I were established but I told him it’s not fair to his son at all. I told him to keep his schedule so his mom can be happy. But this is not normal.I don’t want to cause more problems I said he could visit me in weekends since I can’t come over but I said it’s probably not a good idea because his mom won’t get to see him. His mom got upset when he spent 5hours with me while he had did son .....I brought his mom a plant to say sorry last year.she thinks I’m taking her son away from them.Even I’d I did get the covid shot I wouldn’t tell his parents it’s not their business they don’t pay my bills. Ok
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 May 2021):
 I think it was probably for the best to break up with him.
He lives with his parents because his mom provides daycare for his child. And because it's probably cheaper than living on his own. (or even with a partner)
His ex (who has custody) CAN decide where the child can stay overnight. Up to a point.
His dad was starting to not like you because the less the son was at home, the MORE he had to spend time with his wife. It WORKS for the dad that your (now) ex lives there. It takes some of the pressure of him to entertain his wife.
I think you are BETTER off finding someone else to date and plan a future with. This guy doesn't want to set boundaries because HE gets something out of keeping the status quo. He "thinks" things will just fall into place, if didn't in the 2 years you dated, so when would that happen exactly? Probably never.
I wish you good luck in the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2021): I am so sorry but my advice is to dump him.There are three people in your relationship...You him and his mother.You will be sad a lot of the time of you stay with him.Mommy will always be there.He is not grown yet.There are a few things in a man that are deal breakers..this is number one on the list...Mommy's boy.He has shown you who he is believe it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): It's up to your potential boyfriend if he wants to see a lot of his family etc not you. It amazes me how many young and immature girls there are who say my boyfriend with any man they have spent a bit of time with or slept with. It takes time to become a real boyfriend and girlfriend and call it a relationship!!!
If the grandparents have custody over the grandson that does not say much for your boyfriend. Makes him sound like an unfit father of some sort.
You come across as needy and immature. You sound about sixteen. I would tell the boyfriend to get rid of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2021): If this is a relatively new relationship; and you're starting-off on the wrong foot with his family. Yep, I'd take a pass! That's for sure!
Why would he give-up being with his son...for anyone? What kind of a father is that? Using his new-girlfriend as an excuse to abandon his son? His kid would hate the both of you! Especially you!!! You could add one more hater to the list! Oh, and then there's his baby's-mama! She won't stand for that!
Girlfriend, scoop-up your dolls and dishes...and run!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2021): I wrote the post
His son lives with his mom biological mom and when my boyfriend has his he has his son at his parents house. He lives with them still. I’ve been with him almost two years and his mom and dad are pretty controlling. More news to me was his parents did this in the last relationship stating he wasn’t spending enough time with them. His parents don’t have custody he lives with them . My boyfriends mom stays at home and watched his son. When my boyfriend works. I have my own three bedroom apartment.
My boyfriends mom was upset when my boyfriend came out and brought his son to my nephews bowling party. His mom then stated you already saw your girlfriend for the week. That’s what I’m dealing with. We couldn’t even do Christmas his mom got upset now his dads is starting to hate me. His moms getting in the dads ear now.
His parents ideally want me to come to their home for holidays. I have my own family. My family even invited his family out several times. His mom said she didn’t like to intermingle with others.
My boyfriends sons mother stated that she didn’t want her son spending the night in my home it’s just me !!!! So he allows everyone to control him and I’m tired of it. I about broke up with him yesterday but he thinks in his head that things will change they will not.
So long story short who ever my boyfriend dates his family wants her to tag along in everything they do. Which doesn’t work For me.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 May 2021):
 OK you seem to have a clash of family of origins problem. You expect family to act one way and his family acts in another way. This is pretty common, but it can be small differences or huge differences. My advice on this problem is to make your own expectations as a couple. Then be firm in enforcing your boundaries with extended family and friends.
Boundaries is the second problem. You approach problem by saying, I don't want to cause trouble so you just do what you do. Your boyfriend approaches problems by saying you are pushing me away, I'll be back tomorrow. You both have things you don't like and don't want to accept, But you both fail to enforce the boundary in two distinct but equally ineffective ways.
My advice is that you start saying to boyfriend words to the effect of: I won't accept your parents changing my plans every week over flimsy excuses. I expect my boyfriend to schedule time for me and to keep that commitment. And when he fails, and he will, you say, That behavior is unacceptable to me. I will not accept it happening again. You lay down similar boundaries to his extended family.
That's the problems I see so far. You can't make him enforce his boundaries, but you can model it and expect it. You should do these things even if you do walk away. You need to get in the habit of holing to your boundaries.
I also have some questions that may result in more advice. How old is his son? What was the cause of his separation from his son's mother? Where does your boyfriend live?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2021):
I would walk away now.
This won't change and YOU shouldn't be the one to "decide" if he should cut his parents off or not, and certainly not at the risk of his son.
How can he temporarily lose custody? His MOM tells him he can't see his kid? So THEY have custody over the grandson?
That is worrisome too because they will use the kid as a pawn.
What HE does with his relationship with his mom (and dad) is up to him, but if I were you I'd walk away now. There is way too much meddling going on here.
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