A
female
age
36-40,
*hiskeyRobyn
writes:Hi all, I have a daughter with an ex boyfriend, our daughter was fostered by my cousin. Our daughter is eleven this month, she is fully aware of who her real parents are and speaks to us regularly. Since about six months old her foster parents have Skyped her father on a weekly basis, but due to her father living abroad she has never seen him in person, until recently. I have had physical contact since she was born, I am allowed to do pretty much what I like with our daughter (including taking her on holiday alone), her father isn’t even allowed to hug her. The father has no criminal record and unless he sees our daughter on a regular basis he won’t be allowed to even hug her until she turns eighteen. I want her father to be able to do all what I do with her, how do I change this, due to her father living abroad she can only see him every now and then and despite myself, the foster parents and our daughter being ok with it, her father is being treated like a complete stranger. Somebody please tell me what I can do to let my ex be a real father to our daughter, it’s killing him, damaging her and upsetting me.Thanks in advanceRobyn
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 May 2021):
 Sorry, I really cannot understand your post. WHO exactly is putting these restrictions on your daughter's father? You say you, she and her foster parents have no objections, so who is putting these obstacles in his way to being with his daughter? Are we talking about social services here? If so, have they said why? Surely they must have a reason?
A
female
reader, WhiskeyRobyn +, writes (26 May 2021):
WhiskeyRobyn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry maybe I wasn’t clear, her father lives in UK our daughter lives in Barbados (where I am originally from). Her foster parents are completely comfortable with my ex, wanting him to interact with our daughter like a real father this includes hugging her, carrying her on his shoulders e.t.c.
Social services won’t allow her father to hug her or sit her on his shoulders despite our daughter saying “can I ride on your shoulders daddy”. After “first” contact our daughter said to my ex “see you tomorrow daddy, love you” (she has always told her dad she loves him since she was four) my ex replied with “love you too Stacie”. My ex was told by the social workers (in front of our daughter) what he said was inappropriate and they would have to review if he could see our daughter again.
After a lengthy discussion with social services, with various complaints from the foster parents and Stacie about the treatment of my ex, we were given the ok for the Father to see Stacie again, we believe social services are deliberately being difficult with the father and the foster parents never wanted them involved in the first place but we were told it was the only way my ex could “legally” see our daughter.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2021):
 If your daughter is being fostered it means you lost custody. It means you might be the bio mom but you have NO legal rights to her, nor does her bio dad.
Unless he sues for rights and legal access he has none.
The foster parents are her LEGAL guardian and get to choose who she can interact with in person.
If there is a fear that the father will not return her to the UK (if he is from "certain countries") which has happened to many girls with a foreign father and Western mom. Then it's understandable.
Sorry, I don't mean to be hurtful to you here - but legally, you gave up the right to DECIDE what you want for your daughter when you lost/gave up custody. Your daughter's wellbeing comes first. And this is what the foster parents have chosen. What THEY think is best.
How often does he travel to the UK to see her?
If it's rarely then maybe the foster parents feel that she won't feel comfortable hugging him. Though if SHE wants to hug him, I think SHE will. She is only 11. Let HER lead the relationship she is building (in person) with her dad. She will find her way. She has already established weekly Skype interactions with him, so she IS getting to know her. He is being a "real father" to be best of his extend. Since he can't BE there for her in person every day.
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