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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is too soft in bed. if im being honest, looks wise, i am out of his league, but he is cute. he treats me all the time and i love him. he is okay is in bed. he is very good at passionate sex, when we are both taking it slow, but sometimes he doesnt please me, which is fine, he is still trying. however i do not want passionate sex all the time. i like it rough. i like my hair being pulled and being spanked. but he is just to soft, he doesnt want to do these things. just the other day i shoved his member down my throat and he apoligised. i really love him but he is very soft in bed when i want it rough. is this something to end a relationship over? has anyone got any tips on how to make him give it to me rough?I feel guilty as i am feeling sexually attracted to my ex who i know can give it rough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have took your advice and simply told my boyfriend that i like it rough. he understtod the deep throat thing. he thinks its cool and kinky. he is pretty good at it. at first i had to tell him when to spank me and pull my hair now though hes starting to get the hang of it. thanking you
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 have you TOLD him what you want?? i think graphic phone calls and texts before he comes around are a great way to tell him what you want him to do to you, without sounding like you are criticizing him. try it and if he doesn't respond by being as rough as you want, then maybe its just not for him and you will have to accept you are incompatible. THEN decide if you want to end the relationship or not
x
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (22 August 2011):
The question for you to ask is not "anyone got any tips on how to make him give it to me rough", the question for you to ask yourself is "why am I unable, or uncomfortable, to talk to my boyfriend about this? Why am I considering ending the relationship as an easier option than simply talking to him about it"
The obvious solution would simply be to talk about it, tell him you like it rough and ask him if he can experiement with being a little rougher with you. He might like it too, he might not know how, and he might be nervous about it, but you can work it out together. There is no reason to throw away a good loving relationship when a simple yet somehow difficult conversation can provide a solution. It is good experience to learn how to have difficult conversations, give it a go.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 You've not had sex that long. Some partners are an immediate match in bed, but even then there is ALWAYS room for improvement. Be patient and don't stress it. You said he's a great lover, passionate, enjoy it. Other forms of sex will come in time. Speaking from personal experience, I have in particular two cases that illustrate my point:
One ex and me had pretty decent sex at the beginning, both sexually attracted to each other, same level of sex drive too. But it started with the basics of sex, without too much feeling involved, just a fascination for each other. With time it progressed, and the sex which was already good became excellent as we got to know each other better. We had many hot and steamy sessions at the beginning, but as the relationship developed we learned how to slow down and have passionate, deep, meaningful sex. Then sex with love and feelings, which was wonderful.
The other relationship I had was with a man who was absolutely amazing in bed with me from day one. The sexual tension was thick in the air, and we had passionate sex, fun sex, sex where "I love you's" where whispered intensively, or sex on every piece of furniture. Yet, it took around 6-7 months before he fully discovered the little quirks I enjoy the most, which is nibbling, biting and scratching. Things just took their time, even if they were great at first it doesn't mean all good things must be done at once.
My point is: if he's good in bed don't rush it. You haven't had that long yet to discover each other personally and physically, and he'll get there in time. In the meantime enjoy what you have, because as soon as he adapts to doing things you enjoy, you'll be seeing less of what he's offering now, and might come to miss it.
Besides, passionate slow sex is amazing, and not all guys know how to do it! There's one man I was with who just never could do it with me, even if I tried there was little or no passion, and blunt sex was all we ever really did. It got boring pretty fast!
Your man will learn with experience. Show him what you like, but let him experiment with you at his natural pace as well, so it comes naturally and not forced. That is when it is best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Have you ever tried talking to him? I mean or watching a porno together? Spice it up don't just complain about it in your head. Hope not during sex.. Of course your ex will be doing it better if thats the way you like it. Hey bf you want to try ruff sex? Seems to me like your making a problem out of nothing. Work on your communication. He may be having a issue with something your doing too. This is what leads to cheating. Thoughts influence actions and if your having doubts now. Love him than really love him. Love is unconditional. What does it mean to you? What does it mean to him? Is it his looks that you have a problem with? Is it your looks you have a problem with? Do you think you can do better? What is really making you unhappy? Find that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor Chigirl.
I have been going out with him for 6 months and we have been having sex for 4 months. I am 22 and he is 20, 21 in october. i think i am in love with him, i love him more than my ex. i dont love my ex i just know that he knows what i like
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Have a chat with him. Don't do it when the two of you are about to or have just had sex. Don't criticise his love making. Explain that as well as passionate you you also like it rough sometimes.He might be afraid he will hurt you. Remember that for most of our lives us men have been told that we play too rough, that we're too rough with the furniture, and that's were not to play rough games like football with girls. So we genuinely do fear that we will hurt you if we "let go".You may have to show him otherwise. Ask him to pull your hair, or whatever it is that works for you. Explain that it does hurt, but just enough to make sex so much better.Make it less threatening by making a contest of it. 10 points if he pulls your hair, 10 points if he enters you dry. Whatever.Make it less threatening by making a fantasy of it. He is a pirate, you are a captive, the both of you are alone in his cabin, and he is going to take you by force. Whatever works.You might also consider that passionate love takes time. So you might choose to ease him into rough sex by giving him opportunities to take you quickly, such as when you are both clothed and about to go somewhere, or taking advantage of his waking erection.You might very well find that the journey is half the fun. And that's certainly the way to approach this.
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female
reader, Outspoken1016  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 I very much disagree with the first comment. This is not about love. This is not about your relationship it is simply about SEX! That’s it and coming from a freak myself your man doesn’t know how to be rough its that simple. You don’t wake up one day and know how to fuck it’s an ability you acquire out of experience. So if you would like your man to be rough in bed you have to be rough. We he apologized for you putting his penis in your mouth you should of did it again and talk dirty to him. I would explain that you enjoy rough sex, get off on it, need it want it and you understand that he is not comfortable with that form of sexual experience cause he has not yet had it but practice makes perfect. Tell him you will teach him and then show him how to be the man you want in bed. Live by example it’s the only way he will learn my dear.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 August 2011):
How long have you been together, and how long have you been having sex? Are you in love with him? How old is he and how old are you?
It's hard to say much unless you tell me these things. Yes, things can get better, but it all depends on how long you've been together, how old you are, how well you go together in the rest of the relationship, if you are in love or not etc. So, I will wait with answering until I know more.
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