A
female
age
30-35,
*criptsandPoems
writes:I will try to give you all a synopsis of my situation to hopefully obtain a better standing from my viewpoint. This incredible guy and I have been quite serious for about a month now. We haven't put a label on our relationship, but we both know and refer to one another as "ours" if that makes sense? We both have agreed to completely commit to one another, and no dating other people. Anyway, we both go to two different colleges and just recently started classes up again. Everything between us had been absolutely wonderful until school resumed. I'm still in my early years of college, but he is graduating this December. With anyone you're close to, you instantly know when something is off, you know? We went from speaking almost all day everyday, to going days without speaking at all. And when we do speak, its quite brief. I decided to just ask him, "Is everything okay between us?" and he said that it everything was fine between us and he reassured be that he is just very stressed with financial troubles, school, and graduation etc. So, I told him how understanding and relieved I was to know that everything was okay. A couple weeks have went by now and we still rarely communicate. When we do, its very brief. So, I confessed to him that I have just felt that something has been off between us since I saw him last, and yet again, he said no, that nothing was off between us. He continued to just vent to be specific things that are going on in his life right now and he says that he just cant deal with them. He confessed saying that this is what he does when life becomes too much; he pushes people away. And he apologized. Also note: This is my first real relationship. I have never been so serious with another individual. Like, this isn't just some fling. We both have discussed our futures, and how we both expect to be apart of them etc. Even though he is going through this rough time and isn't wanting to speak with anyone, I have reassured him that no matter what, I'm here for him. I suppose my question is just this: Am I just overthinking too much? He has told that everything is fine, so should I just give him space and time? I'm new to this girlfriend thing and any advice you could offer me would be so very much appreciated! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ScriptsandPoems +, writes (9 September 2014):
ScriptsandPoems is verified as being by the original poster of the question Again, thank you all for such wonderful feedback!
NOTE: We only live about 1 hour an half away from one another, but our schedules are quite hectic. He's double majoring and I'm an aspiring actress.
A
female
reader, Los Cuyosoundzz +, writes (9 September 2014):
Exactly how far do you live from each other? Would it be possible to see each other in person for a visit? I know that with new relationships, there are feelings of anxiety, will-we-won't-we-drama, and just apprehension and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's actually chalked up to science explaining the chemical processes in your brain that go in in the honeymoon phase of a relationship.So, you're anxious for answers now... I can totally understand... but you have to be patient. Time will tell if this relationship is to be in the long term.Graduation throws a lot of things into sharp relief... "Where am I going? What do I really want? Do I really even know?" He is facing "the future" now and you're still in that "oh college will last indefinitely" phase (because we all get that feeling during college). If he's right for you I hope that he sees that, in time. Maybe there's someone better for you... maybe this is the guy for you and he's just a poor communicator. I think that you just should tell him that you want to visit with him. Just for a day or two. Maybe if he's just stressed it would be a nice catharsis from the stress and everything else.
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A
female
reader, ScriptsandPoems +, writes (9 September 2014):
ScriptsandPoems is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much for the feedback; it is greatly appreciated! I do want to point out that I HAVE dated many other people before; it just never progressed to anything as this one has. So, this isn't my first relationship in that sense. This is just my first relationship in which is on a more serious level. Mark, Thank you for the compliment on my username! 'Tis near and dear to my heart. I understand what you're saying completely. We both are not like "Oh you're the one!" and we are definitely NOT saying the L word yet. I'm young, but not naïve. We just both have discussed many times that we are so done with just flings and temporary relationships. Can I see a future with him? Yes. I'm a firm believer in not pursuing a relationship with someone unless you truly believe it to be long term. Why date them if you know it wont last, right? But yes, we have both confirmed that we are serious ABOUT one another. If that makes sense? I trust him, and I really hope that if he were to end things with me...that he would do exactly that...end them. I have opened up that doorway for him twice now with asking him about "Us". He continues to say everything is fine. For now, I don't want to tack on another stress to his chaotic life, so I am giving him space. The last thing I want to do is have him worry about me. He is a wonderful guy, and he has dreams and aspirations; As do I. I would never want to limit him to what he is capable of doing with him life. He's had all of the ambitions before I came along. The way I see it, I am just an additive to his life. So, more than anything I just want him to be happy.ScriptsandPoems
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Hi
A great user name by the way. I thought I would answer your post from a male perspective.
Firstly - realistically after just a month of being serious together it is way, way too soon to be making plans for a future together or "agreeing" to commitment. You are both young, inexperienced and your lives are changing so much on top of the fact you are still in the excited, honeymoon phase of the relationship.
By all means enjoy it for what it is and have a great time together but please don't get too hung up just yet on commitment and being together forever. A month is nothing when you get just a little older and yet to an 18-21 year old in a first relationship it seems an eternity.
Discussing a future together is all well and good but your lives are changing, and will continue to change, so much so fast. What you want now may not be what you want in six months time, equally what he wants now may not be what he wants after he graduates. He is presumably older than you and is experiencing things you have yet to go through. Graduating puts a person into the real world, a world of different stresses, responsibility and, often, disappointment. He is maturing rapidly, learning about life, himself and his future as well as becoming a more world wary adult with pressures and constraints on his time and money.
It may be that he is, as he claims, under stress and feeling the heat of being about to graduate and all that it entails. Or it maybe that it is his way of letting the relationship wind down as he is realizing, after a month or so, that its not what he wants or he doesn't feel the way he though he did but doesn't want to say so.
When one is young and inexperienced it is easy to get carried away in a first proper relationship with the excitement and amazement of actually being with someone we like and get on with. Most of us in our first relationships feel madly in love after a week and plan, at a young age, our futures together - only to find in six months time the game has changed and we were running way ahead of ourselves. I'm not saying you wont be together always, but I am saying that to protect yourself you need to be realistic. It may be that he doesn't want to hurt you by telling you its over, especially after discussing a great future together. I have had that a lot and hate it - rejection I can take, being told one thing while expected to be a mind reader and realize they mean the opposite is quite another.
So where do you go from here? Well if he wants space its best to offer it to him and see what happens. It may be that in a short time he realizes he is loosing you and makes more time for you or he may go the opposite and you know then its not worked out.
Mark
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A
female
reader, lovernfighta91 +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Hi, I will say LDR are real hard but i can feel how much u want this from your message. Yes, if he says everything is fine believe him unless u feel he is cheating or is losing interest. but guys are simple, when they have alot going on they push away from the most important thing from them that brings them joy cause they are so stressed. which honestly we woman do over think things and just make ourselves go crazy cause he clearly stated nothing was wrong but u still think it cause he doesnt call alot which u know what there are relationships of people who are in the army who barely talk to their spouse but the love is still there. sometimes we are just unable to really handle a ldr when we need and want that close being there all the time but if you feel strong about this person u will stick with them thru it all. and he is stressed cause hes graduating soon he will have to be an adult soon and thats stressful i would know i just graduated college, you on the other hand are started the journey he went thru and have a few years left so just give him that space and let him come to u, and when he does be happy and enjoy those moments because if he is open and trust u he will tell u if anything was wrong. so dont stress focus on school that comes first and show him u care and that although u guys are in the relationship u both are individuals altho it will hurt but it will show him that u can be strong for him when he is down and he will be glad to see that. but still send him sweet texts saying you miss him and hope his day is good, etc.. it all takes time to get used to every guy is the same but diff in their own diff ways if that makes sense. but focus on school but keep him on your mind and send text sparingly giving him the time he needs cause december is right around the corner. good for you and him. good luck im here if you need anyone
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (8 September 2014):
 okay u didnt mention how far u live from each other. I suggest u go see him and relax him a bit. maybe when hes stressed he cannot be good in online/phone communication.
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