A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have LIVED with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I'm almost 22 and he's almost 25. He's somewhat of a control freak I guess you can say. When we first got together everything was good..of course. As I started making friends and those friends wanted to start hanging out, and hanging out "late" my BF flipped. He's told me at one point that I couldn't hang out with certain friends, couldn't hang out with work friends. I threatened to leave him and he then told me I could hang out with whoever..as long as its a girl. He said I can hang out as long as I'm home by 9pm! I'm not "allowed" to go to any bars, clubs, can't be out late. I snuck out to a club once and got home around 2am and he was sooo pissed off!! I feel like I havn't lived yet. He says I should've thought about late nights before I moved in when I was only 18 years old!!! He experienced all that but I havn't. When I do go out late I tell him I'm working late. He wants me to respect him and he in a way he isn't respecting me and I'm not respecting me. I'm 21 alomst 22 and I'm letting some boy tell me what to do and what time to be home. Not even my parents were that strict. Its hard cuz I love that he cares about me so much but then again I need to respect myself and stop taking orders and enjoy my 21 and 22 and live life to the fullest. Thats why my party friends are single!!! Also for my future. We live at his MOMs house and I feel like a prisoner. I can't go to school here its too hard. I have bills and his parents need help paying things. I feel like I'm going nowhere. I was planning on moving home...back to Bay Area and have my parents help me with school. Get my life together! But all my party friends are in L.A. I guess I can always visit and i'm sure I'll meet cool people up there too.One more thing..he doesn't trust me! I have a myspace and I have guys on my page that I don't even know. He found out and now he doesn't trust me. I told him I don't talk to them that all I did was add them! I have no started to talk to other guys. I guess you can say he's pushing me away.So what do you think?? Sorry its long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): I think that both of you need more time to live your lives alone before living together. You both need more freedom than a relationship of living together can allow. My wife and I dated for over 4 years before we decided to live together and we were in our mid 30s. We did that because we both believe that living together is more like marriage and we believe that we should spend more time together and not running around at bars with friends.
I'm sure that many couples in a realtionship like yours are fine with each having their own fun lives like you want, but both people in the relationship need to live and think the same. Security has a lot to do with this and your boyfriend is concerned with your being out at bars so much. It is not right for him to control you like that, but that is how he is at the moment. I'm afriad that your best bet is to leave him and go live the life that you like. You will most likely reach a point where you have had your fun and want to settle down or meet a man who thinks as you do and both be happy.
Just another question for you. Would you be bothered if he stayed out with male and female friends until 2 AM on a night that you were at home alone? If the answer is no then I think you should be able to understand his concerns.
A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (21 August 2008):
 Hi Hunny
I think you need to live your life and experience things for yourself without being told what to do. There is no way on this earth that I would let anyone bark orders at me like this hunny, Be home at 9 you are an adult who works hard and wants to have fun, He wants respect, Well we all want a little of that now dont we..Respect comes from being kind and caring not controlling and mistrusting.If you are truely unhappy and apart from your friends you sound it. Then leave sweetheart, Sort out your life so you are happy and as you say visit your friends. You are young so enjoy being young, You want to go back to school if this is possible back home then take this opportunity and do it love..Dont be a prisoner and dont be in a situation that makes you so unhappy. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE! TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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