A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and i cant seem to get past his porn viewing habit. i didn't know to what extent it was to until i found out he looks at it every single day!! he has lied to me about it several times saying that he did not watch it only to confess to me later that he has. now i don't have a problem with him looking at porn every now and again but i think every day is a bit excessive. i have also recently found out that he looks at it on his phone while im asleep right next to him which made me furious. every chance he gets the first thing he does is goes and look at porn and stays there for hours and to him its all normal, its no big deal. ive told him that it upsets me and i dont like that he looks at porn on a daily basis but all he says is i should deal with it. he doesn't take my feelings into consideration at all, and i know that if the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn't be too happy. he freaks out when i say some guy of a tv is good looking but im supposed to be ok with him watching naked girls all the time. i've told him it makes me feel like crap, and every time he watches it its like a slap in the face but it just doesn't seem to phase him at all. i asked him to compromise with me a little and not watch it everyday but he still does it. i don't understand why he feels the need to watch porn when we have a very active sex life, im not a prude in bed and i will try anything and i have with him but still not enough. and this whole business that every man does it is crap!! i know guys that rarely ever go on porn websites and they're perfectly fine with out porn in their life. im getting really tired of him looking at it and just pretending like its no big deal and that it doesnt hurt me when it does and he knows that every time he watches it i'll get upset, mad, angry and will spend the rest of the day crying my eyes out but he seems to think that its worth it as long as he gets to watch his porn. this is effecting me and my self esteem and im finding it really hard to enjoy having sex with him lately because im starting to resent him for all of this. im really thinking of leaving him over this because it's not just the porn habit its the fact that he seems to think that my feelings in all of this don't seem to matter, the fact that hes willing to watch porn over seeing someone he supposedly loves happy. i never asked him to stop watching porn all together and i never would but the fact that hes not willing to compromise even a little really hurts. i just cant seem to get past it and dont know what to do. im tired of being understanding and caring to someone that cant be the same to me.
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female
reader, Troi  +, writes (10 September 2011):
Hun, it's the hard truth but you need to leave him. He's already proven that he loves porn more then he loves you and you can't stay in a relationship like that- it's not healthy and it will only make you feel worse about yourself. There are a million other men in the world. I'm sure you could find a guy that would treat you better then this- love doesn't happen just once. It's time to move on. He's not the one for you.
A
female
reader, blahblahblahh  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 Please do yourself a favour and leave him. Put your own heart and self first because that's exactly what your boyfriend's doing. I say this all the time but it's true; at the end of the day, if something hurts the one you love, you simply give it up. You don't ty to prove a point that it's okay, if porn isn't that beg a deal like most men say, then it shouldn't be 'that big a deal' giving it up.
He sounds like a loser, why would you chose porn over your real life girlfriend, that's pretty sad and that reflects him not you. My ex used to be the same, although he'd lie about it and swear on my life he wouldn't do it anymore, I guess swearing on my life meant nothing to him. I learnt the hard way taking him back time after time only to find out that leopards don't change their spots.
Ask yourself do you really want to commit to someone that doesn't care about you like you do to them? You musty know deep down that you can do better than that. And as time goes on if you continue to put up with his behaviour, trust me you'll feel a lot worse about yourself, you end up feeling worthless and that's very hard to snap out of. My advice is get out of the relationship before you feel like you can't and it all becomes the norm.
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A
female
reader, blondebitch07 +, writes (8 October 2010):
 This story really shows me something. I have your EXACT same problem hun. My boyfriend LOVES porn, and it makes me feel like shit. He knows it too, but "doesn't care". We've been together ... a year in five days ... but I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't say leave him, because that would be hypocritical, but I can say that it most likely will NOT change, I've been dealing with it for quite some time now, and it doesn't get better, at all. Instead of just watching it, you never know he could start buying it. I just found out this morning that my boyfriend is BUYING porn now too, it fucks with my head so much. We are in need of money, and he's BUYING PORN with the little that he has? Come on, I'll be hypocritical, even if I can't take my own advice (which I probably will VERY soon), at least you should; leave the man, nothing will get better. TRUSTT MEEE!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Hun, you definitely deserve better.
Leave his ass.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 He sounds addicted. He has no problems jerking off to other women but if you comment on a male clothes actor he gets angry? That is a RIDICULOUS double standard. If you crying your eyes out isn't changing him, nothing probably will. Since he has no regard whatsoever for your feelings and it's probably best to leave the uncaring insensitive man to his porn, next time he wants sex pull out some porn of men the COMPLETE opposite of him in every way who are very well endowed. Then start masturbating to it in front of him. When he gets upset, just say, well honey that's exactly how I feel about you every single day. You can deal with it.
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A
female
reader, maxxie +, writes (25 June 2010):
 you deserve someone better. please don't let him brain wash into accepting his adiction, anyone who loves you will sacrifice some things for your well being. he has an addiction and he will only get out of it if he decides and wants to. i was in a relationship with a porn addict, i felt "not pretty enough", i was no prude and i wanted to satisfy him sexually, but for a porn addict its never enough, they need constant and diverse stimulation. please, please leave him. i understand you may love him but he obviously loves his hand and porn way more than you. don't let anyone ever make you cry like that and continue to hurt you. best luck
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A
female
reader, lovelyone3 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 Sounds like he is probably addicted to it now. So typical that he can do it but you can't! This is bad advice but I would start commenting left and right on other guys - on TV, in magazines, etc. etc. Tell HIM to DEAL WITH IT!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 June 2010):
 It sounds as though you two aren't really compatible. He likes to look at porn and it makes you so unhappy that it makes you cry. He doesn't really seem to care or mind that you are so unhappy, he expects you to get over it and isn't willing to compromise.
In my experience, men don't change. You're in the first year, you should have your wooing still in full spate, both of you working to make the other happy. He sounds like he's going to look at porn every day for the rest of his life. At the very least, he should have figured out that it bothers you and found a way to shield you from the knowledge that he's doing it everyday. At best, he should have found a way to compromise so that you don't feel so threatened and unhappy about it.
I honestly think that you should break up with him. I'm sorry. There are more sensitive and caring men out there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (25 June 2010):
 He has suggested you deal with it, and in your shoes I would. I would deal with it by walking away and finding a man who wants a real woman, one who feels, thinks, and even who sometimes cries.
Your last sentence says it all, if you are tired of not being in an equal relationship its time to move on.
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