A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My boyfriend and I have been together a long time, around 3 years. He's always said "I'm it" he wants to marry me, etc. However, his actions speak differently. He put a deposit down on a ring, but later got a refund, which hurt immensely. He's very possessive, and can be very mean to me. He always has accusations and insinuations. Finally he's disclosed to me that he found some other woman attractive. He went into great detail… black finger nails, friendly to him. He met her at her work and he says if he was younger he would go for it. I sat in amazement listening to him, and felt nauseous. It’s turned me off now. I'm not being jealous, it just hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm not the one.Is it time to say goodbye?
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female
reader, Napalm_Angelripper +, writes (28 April 2011):
 OP, I'm curious to see what happened and how you handled this, please.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): Hello,
I'm the original poster of this question and I sincerely thank everyone for your help.
I've expressed to him recently I'm totally turned off by the lack of respect and his comments about another woman. I'm having a difficult time with this.I felt so degraded listening to him carry on about some other woman. I'm not jealous about it whatsoever its a deep turn off knowing he's out and about gawking at women and who knows what else. When he talks to me or texts me I feel hurt, and nauseous.
He's assured me it was just talk, but to me it was more. It was a total lack of respect for my feelings. I could never imagine siting with him and me carrying on about a "young male" who's handsome who likes me, and saying to him " if I was in my 20's I'd go for it!
He's cheated in his prior relationship which leads me to think perhaps he will will me, or maybe he has. Its opened my eyes wide.
He's always accusatory to me, always implies I'm disloyal and Iam faithful. It has me pondering maybe there's a good reason he's feeling that way to perhaps release his own guilt.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (20 February 2011):
Yes it is time to walk out.
he has always had completely disrespect for you, and it is getting worse and worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): just get rid of him. he wants all your attention on him, thats why he said there is a woman at work and then he thinks you will be sat worrying about him at work what he is doing. he will wear you down and you will become depressed. get rid
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A
male
reader, skirting the issues +, writes (20 February 2011):
 Ok no punches pulled. Time to move on. You can't keep up this facade any longer. People like your boyfriend are destructive by nature. They want to test the limits of whomever they are with. Even if he was B S about the other woman, he has seen that he can push you this much further. Leave him with nothing to push.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): It's healthy to find other people attractive, but if he's telling you about it just to hurt you that definitely IS NOT healthy. If you feel like you're not 'the one' you shouldn't stay with him. Especially if he's possessive and mean to you, that behavior can only hurt relationships.
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A
female
reader, Napalm_Angelripper +, writes (19 February 2011):
I dont know how the dynamic is in your relationship. I dont know if you two are very open about how you find other people attractive.
I personally, would not stand for that. I understand if my boyfriend having a discussion about a celebrity, or I specifically ask about a girl (or my boyfriend asks what I think about a guy), thats different. Everyone finds other people attractive despite being in a relationship, thats just how it is.
However, if my boyfriend went so far as to say he wishes he were younger so he could go after another girl, or even mention anything else regarding how he would pursue another girl in favor of me, despite the circumstances, I would definitely leave him. If Im not good enough for him, well that is too bad, I know I will find someone else who will find me more than good enough.
Best of luck to ya!
-The Resident Metalhead
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): YES! yes it's time to say goodbye, please please get yourself out of this situation, you are talking about someone you think you want to spend the rest of your life with in marriage- as making you feel nauseous! He's telling you that he would be happy to go for another woman he's met at work, but obviously he's not sure if she would go for him. This is not normal behaviour, and not acceptable. You deserve love and respect, please find someone you trust and get them to help you get away from this man.
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