A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have the world's most awesome boyfriend, most of the time, but sometimes I feel like he's missing a sensitivity chip. Usually it's him ranting about something at work that has annoyed him and I'm the one listening and giving advice, but today my mother (who has suffered from depression for years) had a real go at me, and I tried to tell my boyfriend about it a couple of times but I could tell he wasn't really interested so I gave up.How do I let him know I'm hurt? I feel pathetic asking him to care but I'm sad and I just want someone to listen for a little bit.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 You are operating at crossed purposes. He is ranting, not because he wants you to help him or to solve his problem, he is yelling because he wants to vent! You are trying to fix his problem and sooth him, but the act of venting is what is actually what a guy wants to do when he is pissed off.
You, on the other hand, are expressing your feelings, hurt and confusion (as most women do) and just wish to be heard. Guys are task oriented and want to fix things. Women want to be understood, not fixed.
He doesn't want to step in because he knows that this is how you are venting, and he can't offer an opinion because it's your Mom and he might offend you or say things that may come back and bite him in the butt in the future, because, deep down, he knows you love your mother. So, I'm afraid that he being fairly smart in trying to duck out of things here, even if you view it as his being cold or indifferent to your problems. He is simply thinking that this will blow over and that all you wish to do is what HE does when he is upset - Vent.
Try asking for a few simply words of reassurance that You have done the right thing, if you still need to hear that from him. God loves a practical joke, and that's why male/female communication is the way that it is...
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