A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a boyfriend working outside the country, he flies back every few months and I have been to see him twicein the pasy year. I bought him a plane ticket to come home for my birthday in April and his first words at the time were'when it's my birthday I'll fly you out to be with me. So it got to r weeks before his birthday and he didn't say anything so I eventually asked and he says he's sorting it out and I told him I have to have some advance notice to arrange work and two weeks before his birthday he has still said nothing. When I asked same answer. Until 1 week before and I said I have to know and he said he'll get back to me and when I said I can't wait to either book time off or not because it must be done in advance he got really angry with me and said I don't know how much stress he has to deal with every day. I can't help that I have to book the leave in advance and I don't think he has a right to be angry it's him that didn't do what he said and failed to make the arrangements. He's saying it's stress but I think he didn't have enough money, but even so, why doesn't he just tell me that three weeks ago onstead of putting it off or talking about stress? And why be angry with me, it's not my fault?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 July 2012):
 ** I meant when you paid for a ticket for him to come to you on your birthday - sorry
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 July 2012):
HiI think he didn't want you out there for whatever reason. He KNEW you wanted to go but he didn't arrange a ticket for you so that speaks volumes.Theres a small chance he couldn't afford it but as he flies home to see you other times,he can afford that, so I personally dont think its a money issue.If all else failed he could have used his credit card.He probably meant what he said at the time about flying you out, but men do say things,he was probably touched that you flew out,spent all that money.As for the anger, well its just him covering up his lack of action and its easier to blame you. He maybe is stressed,I dont know what his job is.He clearly felt pressured by you. Its not your fault at all but who else would he get mad at?I would take a step back and have a long look at where this relationships going, his behaviour, see if there are other signs its not going so well. If hes going to be abroad long term is this how you want to live or has he suggested you relocate to be with him?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 How long have you been together? Don't pay for things for him again. I was in a LDR too once, and he was always short on money as well. I paid a lot for him, but when it came around to him paying for me in return (just as with your bf) he didnt have any money. He'd also tell me he was under sooo much stress, and INSTEAD of taking responsibility for it he blamed everything else. Including getting mad at me for his own shortcomings.
This is behaviour you should remember.. this is the behaviour of someone who promises things then breaks those promises, takes no responsibility, and shows a higher level of agression. Remember you are long distance. When my LD boyfriend got mad at me it wasn't scary, because he was in another country. But when we were together in person he was very scary to be around when he got angry.. And when he gets angry at YOU for things that HE failed at, I assure you, there is more of this down the road. This behaviour will continue. And when you are together in person his anger will not be so easy to brush under the carpet.
People who easily get angry for no reason = danger. Red flag. Stay alert. Don't give him more things or send him money.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Clearly he can't afford it and is ashamed to say he didn't budget well.
he'd rather be mad at you than take responsibility for his behavior.
I wouldn't mention it again....
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 With as little as you get to see one another, this is a big deal. If he didn't have the money, he should have just told you that he is having trouble getting his bills paid, etc...and that he couldn't afford to fly you out there. The other part of this could be that he doesn't want you out there for one reason or another. If he has stress, I would think you would be hearing about how stressful his life/work is on a daily if not weekly basis. This is something that people in close relationships share with one another. Seeing each other as infrequently as you do I would think he would at least be honest about what is going on. When you're in a LDR, you can't afford to have dumb fights like this. LDRs are hard enough the way it is. I would talk to him about it. The fact that he's blaming you is making me think something else is going on here.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Because it's easier to be mad at you then own up to the fact that he didn't take the time to try and arrange for you to come see him any sooner, it's not like he didn't know WHEN his b-day was going to roll around.
I would not bring it up any more though.
He failed and he knows it, most people don't like to "fail" in front of others.
However, that doesn't mean he had any right to take it out on you.
...............................
|
