A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I will try and make this short, and thank you for reading.I met a guy online a few months back, (he's 42, me 46yrs) and slowly over a month we began to get to know more about each other, and we spoke a few times over the telephone. One day he wrote and told me he would be in my town on business and suggested we meet for coffee, but the day he suggested was impossible for me, so I suggested another day, but he could not make it on the day I suggested, so he proposed another date, but that date fell during the time I would be away on holiday and so he said we discuss again when I am back from holiday. After that I did not hear from him for about 2 months (give or take a week). (During that time I wrote to him 2 times to say a quick 'hello and ask hows it going etc',. but he did not reply). When I returned from holiday I decided to end my subscription on the dating website we met on, so I wrote him a message telling him this, and I gave him my private email address and told him that if he wants to meet for coffee he should contact me.A week later I got a message from him, thanking me for giving him my private email address, and apologising for not contacting me before, but it was because he had met a woman and so he felt it was not right to keep in contact with me. He said he is on holiday at the moment, but would like to meet me for coffee when he is back. I wondered to myself whether he was still dating the woman or not - he didn't say so in his email, so I assumed he was not, and replied to his email agreeing to meet him for coffee when he got back.A week later we met for coffee, he seemed nice. We talked, laughed alot and seemed to get along well. He told me the relationship with the woman was over, it didn't work out and he was single again, and that he did not imagine getting back together with her, as it was already the second time they had tried to make it work (she had finished it both times), and now he says its over and final for him. He said he had met her on the same dating website. After 3 hours of talking and laughing I told him I had to leave, and he seemed dissapointed. He walked with me some of the way, then we kissed (on the cheek) goodbye, he told me I smelled good and that I was an attractive woman. I was very pleased by these remarks and hopeful that we were a hit. But he did not seem forthcoming about us meeting up again. So I asked him how he thought our afternoon went. He said, he enjoyed the afternoon, but a 2hrs train journey (one way) is a long way for him to commute to see me, and that if I lived 30mins away from him then it would be alot easier and we could arrange things more spontaneously. I was very surprised, I did not expect this response. Why did he decide to meet me for coffee if he already thought the distance would be a problem? - (he knew from the begining where I lived, it was in my profile) was it just pure curiosity? or was he just using the 2hr train distance as an excuse because he decided 'he's not that into me'? It's been a week since we met for coffee and I have not heard from him since, and I have not made any efforts to contact him. It's obvious to me that I have to forget and move on, but I am puzzled as to what happened here! Can you please help me make some sense out of this, so I can move on peacefully. Thank you.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 Honestly, I would worry that his other "lead" or "date" didn't pan out so he went back and found your phone number, again.
Bad English/Bad German is irrelevant up to a point, either he was interested or he wasn't, you know what I mean? IF you two had a couple of hours worth of pleasant conversation the hurdle of language couldn't have been that big.
I would honestly look elsewhere and let him keep looking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone,
Just wanted to update you all.
Well, he called me tonight - asking me whether I had called him. I said, no! He said he saw a number in his phone and didn't recognize it, so he thought he would ring it to see who it belonged too.
He then told me that he feels bad because he should have wrote to me after we met for coffee that day, but each time he thought he should, he ended up not doing it. He said he enjoyed our few hours talking, and he thought I was a nice, and attractive woman. I told him I had enjoyed the few hours too, and wondered what had happened.
He said maybe it's because communication is not easy between us because of the language (he is German (with bad english) and I am British (with bad German), and it would be alot of effort for him. I told him 'if' a person really wants something then they usually find a way, and make sure they get it. He agreed. (hint hint!).
He then told me that he had met someone else for a drink, but again it didn't work out because she said he is too complicated for her. He said it left him thinking about me, about what the woman had said and about what he wants - he said he does not know what he wants. He then apologised for not contacting me sooner.
That was it. What was that all about?? !!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone for your replies.
I take with me the fact that he at least told me immediately that he was not interested, instead of leading me on and/or playing games.
I don't think there is any further cause for him to contact me in the future, but if he did, I will ignore him. I've put him behind me now, and feel ok.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Judging by his odd behavior, I would surmise that he is probably seeing someone but was piqued by your email and decided to meet you out of sheer nosiness. He definitely has bad manners as he ignored you before and he is doing it again. I would not waste any more of your time on him. Give it a few weeks and he will probably start contacting you again with a cover story to explain why he has been ignoring you. If I were you and he does get in touch, I would ignore him too. He is what is known as a time waster.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): I think that he liked you but that special 'something' was missing. So he was being nice in giving you both this 'distance' reason for not taking things further. Nothing lost. You met up, had a pleasant drink, that's that. Don't over-think this. You are right to make no further contact.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2012):
 The distance was the excuse for not taking dating you any further. It's a polite way to let you down. I would acknowledge he did it as nicely as he could and seems to be have proper and correct in the way he approached things. The chemistry just wasn't there for him. I'm sure that has happened to you, someone likes you but you know you won't feel attracted to him.
It doesn't make you undateable or him a bad guy. It just means you two weren't meant to date. I wouldn't spend any more time puzzling over it, really. It's the annoying part of the courtship thing, you will go out on dates and nothing further comes of them. Happens to almost everyone who didn't marry their grade school sweetheart, you know?
Good luck and I hope you find the peaceful resolution you seek!
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I agree also. He liked you but just not enough to justify all that travelling. It's good that he was upfront about it, I think.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): dating sites are full of clowns and losers. let it go. he was trying his luck and now he`s probably back online.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I agree with honeypie... if he really liked you two hours means nothing... I lived that way for a year... put 15,000 miles on my car in one year.... it's hard but it's doable.
he was very nice and polite and he has moved on as should you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2012):
I think it was an attempt to let you down easily. Saying that the distance meant that much. But it could also be that he's tried the dating someone who lives 2 hours away before and it didn't work.
I think if he had been REALLY interested he would have felt that the two hours distance was something the two of you could work out.
So, I wouldn't contact him either. No sense in wasting any more time on that fella.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): I can't believe how lazy men get when they get this age.
He sounds so pragmatic, see, distance doesn't work for him, its like he is looking for a job, and he is not taking it because oof the commute.
I don't know why he met you for coffee, but he deffinitely doesn't sound like a good catch.first of all it s very rude not to answer someone emails repeatedly. He could at least let u know what was going on.
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