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age
36-40,
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writes: I am a relatively high stress person. It's kind of in my nature, it's how I deal with things. If I were to asess myself, I'd say that I'm more stressed out than the average person, but still functional, able to have fun and let loose. I am a ton of fun, and have gone to a lot of therapy to learn how to cope with my stessful nature, as well as a past of sexual abuse and clinical depression. I am currently in my undergraduate, premed, neurobiology. I have come a long way in my life, to the point that I can actually deal with tough situations. I understand my own issues, and limitations; and I'm going to attempt to describe this in the most honest light possible concerning my own fallacies. ----------------------------------------------------So:This past Thanksgiving, my dad got diagnoised with pancreatic cancer. We just found out that it is opperable, which is incredibly rare, and a gift as it extends his life quite a bit. Still, they will have to remove a significant part of his pancreas, stomach and large intestine, and he will have complications including likely diabeties for his entire life. His life span, is likely to be shortened signifcantly. There is also a possibilitiy that it has spread to the lymph nodes which we wont find out until after his surgery. I came home early to be with my family, and things around here are of course very stressful and emotional. We are an extremely close family, we have so much love for one another.I am currently far away from my boyfriend of 2.5 years, and seem to be taking a lot of this stress out on the relationship. I feel like I'm all of a sudden borderline, I want him, and I don't want him at all ... and he seems to be avoiding me. He goes out at night, and doesn't call until the next morning or past 1 am. He says that his phone is having issues. I am a naturally skeptical, and distrusting person and struggle with trust more than anything. It's an active battle for me, that I have learned to control outwardly, despite the fact that I feel it inside. Everything happening with my dad has made things worse. I am have a much harder time controling my emotions, and have become prone to this ridiculous stress filled out bursts that I am capable of apologizing for later.I told my boyfriend before we started dating that I was dealing with these things. That it was an active process, and every year marked improvement. I disclosed everything from therapy to my past. He had overcome depression himself and was sympathetic. However, throughout the corse of the relationship he has not been very empathetic, or understanding. He is very hard on me, and despite therapy and improvements ... and a lot of work into accomidating his needs, I don't feel like it's ever enough.He told me a couple nights ago, that I'm way too high strung ... that what's happening with my dad is terrible, but maybe if I wasn't stressed before he could actually be there for me to help me through it. I feel stressed out just talking to him right now, because I feel like no matter what he won't be able to deal with how I'm feeling. I feel like I have to pretend all of the time, it's just a big act for him. He seems to, and has always seemed to, run at the sign of any stress on my part. I have understood this, and been able to deal with it until recently. I am thinking about breaking up with him. I love him, so very much ... but all of my feelings are being funneled into him, and I don't think I can handle it right now. I have no idea though, how I can lose the person that has been my bestfriend for 2.5 years on top of the horribleness that is happening with my dad. My dad is my absolute bestfriend, in the world. I have no idea how to manage all of this. I feel very angry and resentful toward my boyfriend. I understand that I can be frustrating, but I feel like he's turning his back on me when I need him the most. I feel like he's being selfish. I know that I have not always been the most delightful person in our relationship, but I feel like a burden to him. Everytime I talk to him, if I even bring up a problem or a stress he just shuts down. I don't know what to do, how to cope with this. How should I approach him? How do I deal with all of this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 :( i'm so sorry to hear that! maybe he isnt worth knowing after all if he can do that while he knows what your going through with you dad and that this time of year also can be very tough when you got a seriously ill loved one. i hope you can move on happily from him in time. feel free to send private message to me if you like
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, he just broke up with me.So. Problem solved?
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (24 December 2010):
i am sorry to hear about your dad and i wish him well. regarding your boyfriend and how to deal with this issue of him seeming non-supporttive i think you explained your feelings perfectly in your question! if you could show him that question that should make things very clear to him. it seems like he does not have a lot of patience with you. maybe as he has struggled with depression in the past he feels that your problems will drag him back down into depression himself if he allows this? maybe he does not wish to be too soft with you, feeling that it will pull you out of your mood if he is a bit harsher with you? only he knows why he is behaving this way and what you need to do is outline exactly how you want to be handled at this time and hopefully it will be a way which he is agreeable to. talk to him and tell him what you need. your dad and your family need you now and you dont need boyfriend trouble to deal with alongside your dads illness.xx
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