A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently discovered my boyfriend looks at pornography through an accidental slip on his part. He is not aware that I know.We were friends when we lived in the same city, and become a couple after he moved away.Because of the distance, we have not been able to see each other in more than a year. We have also never been able to show each other affection. We do talk online everyday, and use Skype. He hopes to visit me this summer.A year is a long time. Am I being foolish to think he can continue to wait for me? He insists he cares about me deeply, and is willing to wait as long as it takes for us to be together. He has never given me reason to doubt him.My question is, how do I overcome my worry about what he is putting into his mind by watching this, and how I measure up to it and the standards it presents? And when we do get together, would the porn use be something that continued?I can understand why he's doing it, but I am also shy, and reserved, and know little about the actual content/male libido.Thank you for your time.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Men look at porn like women look at cheesy romantic movies and trashy novels.
Men compare their wife/GF to pornstars in about the same way that their wife/GF compares them to the male leads in the romantic movies & books.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 A year is a long time.
and I agree it is odd that you became a couple only after he moved away...
Porn if used when you are together as a couple or while apart should not be an issue... and no one can live up to porn.. it's fantasy... totally.
as for knowing the "male" libido the only libido you have to worry about is your boyfriend's no one elses.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Porn doesn't set a standard. You're the only one comparing yourself to it, I believe. Sure, there are some nutcases of men out there who believe porn is for real, but those are the weird ones. The normal view on porn is that it's an instrument for masturbation, nothing more. It doesn't set a standard, it doesn't raise expectations, it's only there to stimulate the senses when masturbating. Real sex, intimacy, with a real woman, can not ever be compared.
Most men do use porn, and it is seen as something quite normal and natural. Plenty of women watch porn as well, in fact I think an equal amount of women watch it. If it is something you are against, you need to speak to him about this, and see if you can come up with a solution that fits the both of you. A compromise.
Him watching porn is no indication that he will not wait for you. Him watching porn only means that he enjoys to masturbate, nothing else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): It seems odd to me that you only became a couple when he moved away - and haven't seen each other for a year - you were just friends prior to this?
I wouldn't be too bothered by the porn though,its merely stimulation and he's a young man (I assume) and he's going without,so needs an outlet. Women are just the same. If you trust him and you are a couple, then why not be his 'porn' sometimes?
Give each other something to look forward to when you finally get together.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (21 June 2011):
Men don't understand why women window shop for shoes. Women don't understand why men look at porn. Both are meaningless pastimes.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 June 2011):
 I see a lot of these types of questions and to be quite blunt, porn is simply something to beat your meat over, how could that possibly compare to having sex with your girlfriend who you love?
I really wouldn't worry about it, like you said, its a LDR and guys need to blow off some steam everynow and then, porn is the best thing besides your gf...
As for the male libido, everybody is different, but I'd say I could have it every day if I had chance to. But the males generally tends to be higher than the females...
Hope this helps
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