A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. We have a 2 year old son together. We have not been getting along well and she has not turned out to be anything i thought she was. I've found that she drinks alot, started smoking, and has been smoking weed behind my back and i do none of these things. I get sick cramps my stomach when im around her latley. I have thought of leaving her but we have our son and also a house and car in both of our names. Recently i have become very close with a girl at my work. We get along well, and have the same intrests. I get that butterflies in my stomach feeling when im around her and find myself thinking about her nonstop. She has the same home situation going on also. Sunday she asked me on a date. What should i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, HoneyEyedLatina +, writes (21 June 2011):
 Annalisa couldn't have said it any better when she said that you need to distance yourself from this other girl. I understand you are having problems at home but what you need to understand is that women often stress once they become mothers and sometimes they do a number of things like smoking and drinking to alleviate stress. When a person's life changes dramatically then sometimes their personality or habits change. I am a mother of two and sometimes I enjoy drinking a cosmo or any other kind of mixed drink. I actually know a number of moms who became smokers or "drinkers" once they became a new mom, however, they do not smoke or drink around their children. These women are fabulous responsible women who work and take care of the house and children. Like I mentioned earlier, people's personality and habits can change once their life changes. You need to sit her down and have a serious heart to heart conversation with her and let her know that her habits are interfering in your relationship. I will say though that people are free to do their own "LEGAL" habits such as smoking tobacco or drinking as long as they aren't endangering anybody. If her habits are getting in the way of her motherhood and she is unable to care for her son or is endangering her child then I would suggest doing something about it immediately (intervention or counseling). Give her a chance and give the relationship a chance before you do anything stupid like leaving her for another woman. You have a son with this woman, which is far more important than being a co-debtor on these secured debts that you have with her (house car etc). Everybody changes as they age and she may not be the person you imagined her to be but she could and will be the new person you could learn to love. Think about it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Let me give you a little more info on the situation. Im not just talking a little drinking here and there, alcoholic is more the word for it. I have repeatedly expressed my concerns and problems with her and her response is always either "too bad,thats just me and im not going to change so deal with it" or "you knew i did this stuff when we got together so deal with it."
And to rescuer i wasnt trying to justify anything by saying she was in the same situation. I just meant she has been with someone a couple of years and not married same as me. And he has not turned out to be anything she wanted or expected same as me. And now she feels stuck and thinks about leaving same as me.
Thank you very much for your responses.
...............................
|
