A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend of 4 months. I am 15 going on 16. I absolutely love him to bits, he is everything to me and I never, ever, ever want to lose him! Everything has been going perfectly, he treats me like his only girl and we spend as much time as possible together. Recently I have started to become quite insecure and a bit jealous. He goes to air cadets, and a group of his friends from there have made a band, and he has started going to band practice every weekend. I know that within this band are two very pretty girls and it makes me upset that they are so pretty and I am not. I told him I thought they were pretty and he said no they aren't, you are the only girl who is pretty to me, and he said he loves me. I was happy after he said that, but he went to band practice tonight, and one of my close friends said he saw him and his band in Tesco having a good time and laughing alot. I understand he can have friends who are girls, I'm not that mean, but what can i do to stop being so insecure about it? xx
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female
reader, The_truth_hurts_OK  +, writes (23 January 2011):
Face it, if the girls are hot and in a band, he'll probably hook up with one of them - that's just the way it is. People who are in a band are just cooler and more desirable than those who are not. Either join a band, or quit while your ahead. Sorry.
A
female
reader, whatswhat  +, writes (23 January 2011):
I know exactly how you feel, I'm 15 too but I won't be 16 until december, but that's besides the question. Me and my boyfriend has had our ups and downs but we are some how together again. I'm in the same band as he, and I'm not saying that you should form a band to be with him, I'm saying that you should trust him. From what you've said in that brief discriptingnof how you to are doing I would think you would know him enough to believe he's for you and no one else. Feel confident in yourself and trust me you will pull through with the much security.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (23 January 2011):
 You need to be careful because insecurities can destroy relationships pretty quickly.
Try to accept what this guy tells you - youre the only girl for him and that he wants to be with you.
Its almost a case of denying your thoughts - after all, you know what youre thinking isnt true deep down and that its having a detrimental affect on you. I know its hard but the truth is, youre worrying yourself out of what could be a fantastic relationship.
Your boyfriend has to be allowed to develop and follow his dreams but have you thought about getting more involved yourself? Perhaps go along and watch him when hes with the band? He might like the fact youre showing an interest? Its not a case of keeping an eye on him, but the more time you spend with him, the easier it should be to overcome your irrational fears.
Good luck. Above all, remember to enjoy the relationship rather than torture yourself with insecurities.
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A
male
reader, mscard +, writes (23 January 2011):
It's a question of self-esteem. There isn't much you can do to stop feeling insecure beyond feeling more confident in yourself. Your boyfriend sounds like he's doing all the right things - he's saying what he should say, and nothing you've said has indicated that he has any feelings for these girls or messes around with them.
I have similar insecurities, and there isn't any easy way out of them. You've either got to get more confidence in yourself, or try to turn off your mind when it's wandering down the wrong roads. Try to avoid irrational or unnecessary worries.
The only other advice I can offer is that you need to get a little bit Zen about it. It's not like these chicks in his band are the only other girls in the world -- if he wanted to be with another girl, he'd have plenty of opportunities. He could probably cheat on you without you ever knowing it. My point isn't to scare you -- my point is to tell you that in the end, none of it is under your control. There isn't anything you can do about it -- it comes down to trust. Sometimes, realizing that things are out of your hands can be liberating. There isn't any use worrying about something that's not under your control. if it's going to happen, it's going to happen regardless of how much you worry about it. Just let it go, and enjoy the moment, and whatever happens, happens. That's what I mean by saying you need to get a little Zen about it -- realize that it's no use worrying about things that aren't under your control. Surrender to the intractable circumstances of life. In other words, namely those of Jeff Dowd and the Coen Brothers, "Abide."
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