A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a little less than 2 years so here is the quickest timeline I can possibly do.....beginning: everything was cute, we would go on dates, things were good. about a month in, he starts becoming super insecure about my male co-workers and friends. even though I gave him no reason to be worried, I still deleted numbers off my phone, stopped answering phone calls or texts to some not so close guy friends so he would feel at ease. he was cheated on in the past so I assumed that is where the insecurity came from. He is very immature....one time I was with a friend out eating lunch near my house and he calls me up to tell me he is almost at my house. we had planned for him to meet my friends but he never gave me a specific time so when I rushed over I had made him wait 5 min. he was so angry with me! i apologized, hugged him and apologized again but he just glared and walked inside. He sat in the corner of my room and refused to hang out with us and made my friend feel uncomfortable. he would throw these fits ALL THE TIME at the first few months of our relationship even though I begged him not to.middle: I learn he has some anger issues and would yell and drive like a maniac on the road or throw things and punch holes in the wall. he usually got angry over small things and I'm a calm person so I tried to help get over his anger, but he's always getting angry.he did some things that completely ruined my trust for him, he also lied to my face about things and that really affected me. I felt so alone and so afraid he was lying to me about everything and whenever I opened up to him about how I felt he would just get frustrated and tell me that it was months ago so I should drop it. (i know for a fact he never cheated on me but it was just little things that added up that hurt me)he is also very unromantic and uncreative or so he claims. for christmas eve i wanted to do something special with him but he planned nothing for us and just sat there enthusiastically telling me how he hates christmas....he can be a downer at times...i do everything for this guy, i find little things he likes and surprise him with it, i give him space but i also make sure he knows he is loved, i even tried to get into the games he was into because he begged me although i had zero interest, when he's having a bad day i listen to every word he says and comfort him but when I call and tell him about my day he's hardly listening or would just be mute on the phone. no feedback whatsoever. he also could not care less about what i'm interested in.now he's no longer insecure or lying to me...it's mostly just his anger and immaturity....between all this ridiculous behavior....there is a guy that makes me laugh, a guy who loves me for me and thinks i'm still cute without my makeup. i feel so comfortable with him and i can't imagine my life without him. I want to be with him, i want to have a future and somehow see if i could help him through his immature ways and learn to control his anger. i know i can't change him but i have hope in making our relationship work....our most recent big fight was a couple days ago when he asks me what I want to do when I come pick him up from work at 5.me: "well, i guess dinner?"him: "...do u think we can skip dinner? like not eat..."me: "um...what do u mean?"him: "i want to save money"recently he just got a pretty good job, he makes more than I do! He also has full support from his family and does not pay rent, just utilities bill....so I was shocked...I explain to him that it hurt me that he wants us to skip a meal in order for him to save money. first of all, i ate fast food for him while he was going to school because he had no job (but he was fully funded by his family) i always payed for my half at lunch and paid tip for dinners we had...we only go out once a week. i even offered to cook for him but he always told me i shouldn't have to work so he'd rather go out....which does not make sense...when i told him it hurt my feelings, he was like "FINE OKAY WE WILL GO OUT TO DINNER!" i explained to him that he was missing the point and that he makes me feel horrible now if we do go out. he yells at me and tells me "f-you" and grabs the ring he got me and threatens to break it! he then slams it against the wall...i just don't understand him! does he make sense at all? i cherished that ring and he knew how much i took care of it and then he just picks it up randomly in this argument and tries to break it.this is his usual behavior and it drives me crazy. we haven't spoken since then and I know he's waiting for me to cave in and contact him like I always do. I feel like I always have to be the one who does this even after being mistreated by him. what should I do? i miss him like crazy. I feel so stupid because I'm letting him walk all over me and i'm becoming the girl i never wanted to be. it hurts that he just assumes I'm going to be back and that he has nothing to sweat about. I want to be strong and hold my ground...please help me, I am stuck D:
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cheated on me, christmas, co-worker, immature, insecure, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (15 January 2011):
 hi
you need to make a list of his good and bad points. but judging by what you have wrote here the only good points are that: he thinks you look nice with no make up! AND? why the hell shouldn't he? other guys can think that too u know? or is your self confidence so low that you can't believe this? (plus, with his jealousy issue, did it occur to you that he says it because he would prefer you to go out without make up in the hope that other men will not find you as attractive? just a thought)
you say he loves you for you, sorry but his behaviour tells a different story. he does nothing for you! just wants to sit in the house where no one else can look at you. severely jealous. he is gonna grind you down to nothing if you let him. he has got issues that he needs to deal with if you are going to even THINK about staying with him.
he sounds quite similar to an ex of mine, this bloke was jealous of any one and anything that took any of my attention away from him, hated the friends i went out with (called them slags,even though they weren't) even hated my mum and sulked if i spent time with her at the weekend rather than him. people like this want to isolate you from other people and once they have done that it gives them more control coz you haven't got the support network.
no a more serious note though: jealousy + bad temper (being prone to angry outbursts) = potential woman beater.
he is slamming objects (including your ring) against walls now, in the future he could end up throwing YOU against the wall if he gets frustrated with you!
please do not feel like it is your job or your duty that he gets the help that he desperately needs
xx
A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Insecurity and immaturity can be overcome and ignore the one im more worried about is your boyfriends violent tendencies when you sound like a shy quiet type of lass its not healthy to be in a relationship with a man who is so overly aggressive has he seeked help to manage and control his anger? Suggest meditation or anything to calm himself for that temper sooner or later is going to be his downfall who is to say one of these days his going to have a tantrum and lash out and physically hurt you just because you were in the vincinity of him?
Leave him is your best option you may 'love' him but dalimou no woman should have to put up with a violent man find yourself a nice calm guy who looks after you and appreciates you.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Wow, this sounds very similar to my ex, he was always jealous of the guys i worked with. Even tho he knew them all personally as they had met him whenever he came in to see me, he was always cold with them, all except one, the manager. I guess he just got on with him the best. I used to think it was because he was the only one he didn't see as a threat.
Stand your ground on this one, i've had proof that men like the chase, and you can basically play with his feelings like he has done with yours (any blokes reading this are probably horrified!!!) If you stay strong and wait for him to contact you, when he eventually does, the ball will be in your court, and you can either lob it over the fence and be done with it, or you can send it back when you feel like it.
My advice, make him sweat for a bit, if he just moves on, then it's his loss and there will be someone more mature out there for you!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Gosh, I dated a guy like this once. He would throw temper tantrums and try to make me 'sorry' for whatever transgression he imagined I'd done. He even got angry with ME for a comment HIS friend said to me about my butt! HIS friend said I had a 'nice ass' and he was angry with ME for that! What an idiot! And what an idiot I was for putting up with it.
In retrospect, it was like watching a toddler throw a tantrum. "I'm going to hold my breath until I turn BLUE!!!! So THERE!" It's childish and idiotic and not something you can fix for him, as you have pointed out. He's trying to control you by pitching hissy fits. It's immature, it's not effective and ultimately, he's simply going to have to grow up and become a grown up.
If you were my personal friend, I would be telling you to stop 'caving' in and simply take a break from the guy. Give him a chance to grow up and deal with his anger issues, preferably WITH PROFESSIONAL HELP.
So get your friends around you, tell them you need their support as you go through this separation and then allow them to help you by distracting you and supporting you emotionally. I would suggest you take some time to learn about communication skills, specifically the differences between men and women. You can make it your project, to learn to communicate with a man in an effective and compassionate way. Good practice for the future.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (13 January 2011):
 Be strong and hold your ground. Do not whatever you do cave in. Hang out with your friends and distract yourself. Whatever you have to do to not have contact with him.
People, particularly men who have violent tempers, who want to "save money" by making you skip a meal (ridiculous) and show extreme insecurity like your guy did tells me he is only going to get worse as time goes on. He is not going to change. He has a free ride right now and a gf who he thinks won't leave. You need to change his thinking on that.
He shouldn't be scrimping money if he has a good job and has a free ride from his family, making you skip a meal to save money? How cheap is he? Seriously? He yelled at you because you told him how he made you feel, he sounds like a four year old.
Get rid of him. Do not look back, do not pass go and do not collect an immature boyfriend. YOu deserve better. Someone who isn't going to make you skip a damn meal to save a few bucks.
Give one of your friends your phone if you have to, his behavior is beyond ridiculous and infantile.
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A
female
reader, onlyhis +, writes (13 January 2011):
same problem is with me too ..my guy is also having anger issues ,he always get annoyed on small thing and yells at me madly which sometimes frightened me but i just relax his mind by talking to him sweetly ,,calling him by sweet names..and making him laugh and when he is ok with his anger i just hug him and tell him that what you did hurted me and you were wrong there
hope so this will help you out girl..best of luck :-)
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A
male
reader, HelpyMcHelperson +, writes (13 January 2011):
Leave him. If you are strong and do so you will one day be able to find a man who gives you everything you want and doesn't act like a jealous, angry, thoughtless control freak. If you stay with him you may have some good times but they will no doubt be overshadowed by the behaviour you are describing.
It may seem hard at first but it will work out in the long run. In the mean time seek comfort in your family and friends.
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