A
female
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anonymous
writes:My bf has A LOT of girl friends. In fact, all his friends are pretty much girls, apart for two of them. He is 20 years old and I am 19. Him having so many girl friends doesnt annoy me too much, its more so the way he acts around them that upsets me. If he treated these girls the way he treats his male friends then I would be 100% fine with it, but he doesnt, he treats them in the way he treats me, like callin them pet names and being touchy feely etc. These girls come crying to him all the time, wanting his support and this makes me even more jealous. They go to him at there most vunerable moments- like when they have guy problems and because hes such a caring and understanding guy to them, they start to see him as like this hero, and I know of one occasion where a girl got carried away and started touching him, to the point where he got turned on (I wasnt dating my bf at that time, it was a few days after i met him).I just worry that if I and him ever had probelms in our relationship that he would go to all these girls he is friends with, in his most vunerable moment and fall for them. He spends alot of time alone with these girls, at there houses, late at night and in the early mornings of the hours- just him and one of the girls. One of the girls who he is friends with, apparantly sleeps around (he told me that), and hes always telling me how she makes moves on him and suggests she wants to have sex with him. Despite this, he STILL goes over her house when shes upset to cheer her up. The situation wouldnt be so bad if these girls respected the fact that hes in a relationship, but they dont. This all really bothers me. I dont feel like I can talk to him about it. I mean, he must think what he is doing is ok and acceptable, otherwise he wouldnt be doing it right? So he probably wouldnt understand how it could upset me.I feel lost in what to do. Am I overeacting? How do I go about dealing with all of this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): So you want to know how to deal with this and whether or not you are overreacting.
I dont know him and I dont know your situation, but if he is going over to these girls houses late at night and talking to them when they are upset and so forth, then he really isnt in an exclusive relationship with you even though he tells you he is his actions speak otherwise.
That said I think what is going on is that he is a young guy and there are so many girls around that he cant help not knowing quite a few, but he keeps you on a pedestal and calls you his girlfriend.
Words are cheap. I think he thinks of himself as single and quite frankly I think you should think of yourself that way too. He is your boyfriend, but he hasnt committed himself to marriage to you and perhaps he will never or at least not in the near future. And that is OK.
You are special, he choose you to be the special lady in his life and for that I guess you should feel honored, but I would tell him how his behavior makes you feel and your concern that he may get turned on by one of these agressive friends, after all he is a man with hormones and see what he is willing to do about that. If he doesnt start setting some boundaries with these girls such as only speaking to them in person when you are around and not going over to be alone with them at their home, then I think you should reevaluate what is going on and what you actually want.
Perhaps you might start dating other men, after all at your age dating doesn't always involve pampering and spending money on a girl, it could be just hanging out which is what he is doing with these other girls.....hmmm,,,maybe he is keeping you on a string, which is a trap for you.
Respectfully tell him you are going to be hanging out and dating other guys, but you will remain sexually faithful to him as long as he remains faithful to you. It isnt a sin to date others while in a relationship of sorts. You are young, you have a lot of time to be settled, and sometimes it isn't a good thing to be so tied down to one person when you are this young with no responsibilities other than to get good grades. Take this time to explore other relationships and you will grow as a person and learn more about who you are and what kind of guy you really want.
Hope this helped, bet you didn't think of it in this way did you?
A
male
reader, MrBrightside90  +, writes (6 January 2009):
Im having the same problem with my girlfriend, she has a lot of friends who are boys. At occasions when we are at partys they start touching her and stuff, i get very jealous, but she tells me to deal with it.
You are NOT overreacting in my opinion, if those girls sleep at his place, that is very weird if he is in a loving relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, melissa1369  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Hi sweetie
are you in school. when does all of this take place ?
I mean if you two are together;and everytime you turn around theres girls all up in his face,especially when you are around;listen girl you are 19 years old
and he is 20 so there for he still havent grow up due to the fact that he puts himself in a position for these girls to be around him when your around; its suppose to be a sacret time between you 2. so if you feel uncomfortable; bein aound that situation.and also youve had a talk with him about this and he seems to still be in the same predictament ;then you already know what to do LEAVE!!!!!!
he was already like this before you met him if he really care for you he would change if not go on girl;you are young he is not the only man out here one day you will find someone who will respect you;to be honest with you ;ok ;Ill put it to you like this his actions shows his personality like bein around a lot of girls which he calls friends HINT[he looks at you like them;get it? except he know that you care for him but he is not hearing that right now you want it to be more ,he is not ready for that commitment to you youre young youre gonna go through these things you just hsve to know how to make good decisions,Ok sweetie,dont stress you have your whole life to experience things like this just look out for your happiness and know that you want to be treated like a queen you also have to treat back the same.GOODLUCK!
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A
male
reader, The Gentle Man  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 They all seem close but what you need to remember hes known his friends longer than you. You are the new commer to the equation and still have a stretch to go before you are equal to his friends.
It also seems that he is just a really nice guy and there isnt an abundance of them. Its no surprise that his friends are close to him.
If you are worrying about it speak to him. Just tell him that you get a little jealous with the way he acts really close with his girlfriends. Communication is the key, tell him your concerns with the closeness and the spending time alone with them at odd hours.
Theres always making him jealous by getting close with your male friends (obviously you would need to tell them the plan as to not give them the wrong idea) and see if he asks you whats going on. If he does then just point out his situation.
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A
female
reader, chrissib08 +, writes (6 January 2009):
no. i actually don't think your overreacting at all; bc if the roles switched and you were doing it to him he'd prbly react the same way. its actually like he's trying to make you jealous at the fact that these girls are soo touchy feely and into him. that - to me; is disrespectful. its good that he is honest with you but at the same time why would he keep going back knowin that they're treating him as if he's single ? i think you need to sit down and tell him how you feel. you can't be afraid to be honest with him bc your afraid he's gonna leave or your afraid of what he's gonna say; bc sometimes boys don't realize they're doing anything wrong. tell him that in his eyes they're friends and he is just trying to be helpful; but that may not be how they see him; they may have other things in mind. and if he really loves you he'll understand. its not that you don't trust him; its that you don't trust the females he surrounds himself with . . .
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