A
female
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anonymous
writes:Are there certain things you can ask a guy, to test if hes being true and honest and not putting on some fake act?I'm 19 years old, and have had two boyfriends, both who made me believe they were these nice, caring, respectful guys, but in the end, they only really wanted a 'trophy gf' and someone to have sex with. They both turned pretty nasty in the end and didn't respect me at all. So I am just trying to understand what signs did I miss? And I am worried I will fall for yet another guy liek that. After the first one I promised myself never again would I let that happen, but I did! Although ultimately he was just like my first bf as he treated me badly, but he had different ways of doing it, so I guess that fooled me.I have just started seeing a new guy and although everything seems great right now, I'm worried that later down the track his true colours will show and they won't be good!Any advice? Oh and just another thing, before anyone says I should stop going for the 'bad guys'- my two ex bf's did not have the bad boy image at all. In fact, one of them was very 'nerdy', and the other, claimed to be a strict catholic. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): If he talks badly or lowly about other people behind their back its a big warning.He can do the same with you as well.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 I have one suggestion for you to 'test' the relationship: go traveling together. You'll see how each of you handle new situations and new people and how you cope with the stress together as a unit and as individuals. I've found traveling with someone to be very instructive as to their true nature. Stress removes some parts of the facades we all project and may reveal more of our true nature.
Otherwise, just pay more attention to actions, and less to words. I also like the advice of observing who his friends are and how they move through the world. That will tell you a lot about what is important to your boyfriend.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): Just one possible hint is to see how the treat their mother/sister. If they have no respect for those women already in their lives then there is a good chance they won't respect you....then again thats not always true. It's kind of a crap shoot I had my fair share of bad females.
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 I have some bad news for you - There is no questionnaire or a check list to know if a guy has true love or not.
However, you ladies have this "female intiution" which is deadly to us males, to know if we are up to no good.
Rather than trying to read our minds, maybe it is best to focus on what you can easily find out.
1. Are his parents dysfunctional?
2. Are his friends rowdy cheaters?
3. Does he have sister/s?
4. Is he in good terms with his parents and sister/s?
5. Does he have strong views about God, family and the world he lives in?
I have to limit these to the five basic points since your country is different from mine.
In my country, normally having a girlfriend takes a lot of effort. Gifts and tokens are given to girl. Meeting the girls parents. Eating out, watching movies and a romantic evenings together. Going to church on Sundays. And after everything is said and done, normally its the woman who gives in.
In old times, the guy sings outside the girls house to be seranaded. He volunteers to chores for the parent's girl. But these are things of the past.
Women should bear in mind the old maxim: "No pain, no gain." If you get my narration on how the girls do it here and able to create a version there, maybe you can find out if the guy, you are dealing with have pure intentions or only a twisted perversions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): Well, nerds and catholics are just about the same as everyone else in the relationship department, so I don't think those two character traits have any bearing on things.
We all like to put on a good impression at the start of a relationship, and generally speaking a person's true colours come out sooner or later.
I'd have to ask you if you didn't behave the same way, projecting yourself as something sweeter than you really are, trying to impress etc., so that none of you really saw what the other was like at first.
You could ask all the questions you like, and no doubt the answers would be tailored to fit, so some sort of '20 questions' test wouldn't really shed any light on things.
You have to kiss a few frogs before finding your prince, and that's about all there is to it. Each experience will broaden your knowledge of what to look for in a partner, and there's nothing quite like experience for making you all the more wise!
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