A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend tries to control everything i do. I have been working full time in my career as a conference coordinator for about 5 months now, and i have been told i will be promoted at 6 months. For the past 4 years i have had to use public transport because i could not afford a car. Finally when i started working i knew i could afford finance to get a car.I got the car on the weekend, i will be financing 17k because i have already put down a $1000 deposit and will put down another 2 when i get my tax back. Anyway, i have been thinking about this for a long time and knew i could afford it and knew i wanted to do it.Now my boyfriend wont talk to me and is telling me im an idiot and im so dumb because i got the finance. He doesnt want me to spend any money because he doesnt have a job and has none. What am i meant to do? It's not his decision, were not married. I feel like he is trying to make me live like i am broke too but my parents are happy for me to get the car, with dad even saying he will help me out for insurance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I can sort of empathise with you here. From my experience, I would take a guess that your bf is jealous because not only has he got no money but moreover the traditional gender roles are reversed now.
I think he is being a complete jerk. You have done well and have great prospects, good for you! And the fact that your dad thinks the car is a good plan really says a lot.
I honestly think you should get rid of this guy. He has no business calling you these awful names- I guess it makes him feel better but it's also the start of a slippery, bad, slope; he will chip away at you with unfounded criticism and it can could cause you to lose confidence, which would be so wrong.
Tell him exactly what you have told us and just see what he says. I think he's completely unjustified, but more that that, you don't need to put up with this sort of nonsense either.
Good luck with all that you do! And don't let this guy knock you back.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 August 2010):
Dump your boyfriend, now. Soon he'll be telling you what friends you can see, what time you can go out, what you wear. And after that maybe he'll start hitting you as well.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 Congrats. Young and yet so successful!
So, basically, you keep your boyfriend back and belly. It's obvious that this guy doesn't appreciate you at all, since he's the jobless one, and from what I can tell, he doesn't even think about working. Does he have health issues? Because, honestly, it's the only reasonable condition for not working. If he's not, then he has no excuse not to work. Also, you seem very ambitious and determined.
Why do you stay with this guy who lacks motivation? I understand, saving money for bad days it's only normal, but refusing your own comfort it's another thing, especially if YOU earned these money and some OTHER person is telling YOU what to do with YOUR OWN money (as long as you're not wasting them in useless stuff). DO NOT let him manage your incomes. He's a bad influence for you. All he's doing is showing you who's the man, but brace yourself and show him who's actually wearing the pants in this relationship :)
Or you might as well consider the "dump him" version, it's much more easier. But please, don't think too far about this relationship, because in time. this man will ruin you. He's already started to.
You need a man who motivates you to work, a man who can make you enjoy every moment spent together, not a lazy bum who's having no respect for you and, moreover, has the guts to assign himself as the person who tells you what to do, what to wear, where to no or not go etc.
As a side-note, something you already know, I guess, a loving and carrying partner doesn't tell his woman that she's "an idiot". All he's trying to do is making you the same as he is. You see, in a relationship, one must follow the other eventually. And, unfortunately, when one of you is acting bad, the other tends to understand him and follow him. If you don't get my point, I'll give you an example: it's like when you catch a cold and it's transmitted to the closest person from you, all you need to do is sneezing in front of them without covering your mouth, and there, they're infected.
You don't want to become like him.
Please, PLEASE, think twice before getting married to this guy!
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (23 August 2010):
 Congratulations on your first car and on your upcoming promotion.
Now, exactly why are you hanging with a guy who has no job and no interest in getting one?
Is he planning that you must work and support him? I think that you need to reassess your relationship as it is not going to improve.
You are trying to improve your standard of living, if he wants to be jobless and broke, well then, let him be jobless and broke.
You sound like a determined young lady, so move on with your life and leave him behind. You dont need someone telling you what to do with your own hard earned money!!
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