A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi,my partner said he is leaving me!!!!!!! he recently found out that he has an 18 year old daughter from a woman he went out with at school, then had a 1 night stand with her a few years later, i accepted he had a daughter, we havent got kids together but my daughter looks up 2 him as a dad! i am a very parranoid person and always think the worse, so i keep thinking he will get back with the mother, who has also just split up with her bloke, the phone calls he makes 2 his daughter are through the mother and i neve know wot is said, i met them on saturday and the mum is a very nice looking lady, and that made me even worse! he now says he is leaving because i dont trust him, he keeps saying he will not go there because it was 19 years ago and she has 4 kids altogether, am i pushing him away and shall i just let him go.......... im so hurt
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 How long have you guys been together?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know i have to give him space and i have been, but the mum calls him and texts him and he deletes them all!!! he says he does that for my sake but i say if he is honest with me then i wouldnt have a problem at all. he was married 2 someone else at the time of the affair so i he wouldnt have seen this other womsn anyway for all that time! she has now broke up with her partner of 16 years, so i think thats really why he wants to leave!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (30 August 2007):
 If he hasn't wanted her in 18 years then just finding out he has a daughter by her isn't enough to make him want HER in that way. He had this huge shock and rather than being able to depend on you for support you add to the stress.
You need to ease up. Have his words and his actions always matched up before this? If so, you MUST trust him.
Here is a good article on building trust: http://www.ehow.com/how_2004257_build-trust-relationship.html
Print out and show him the article. Tell him you're committed to working on it, that you know you've been the problem and that you DO trust him. Tell him he has your support. Ask him to help you work on your trust issues. Maybe then he'll give you some time to prove it, and he won't leave.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 August 2007):
Have you been accusing him of stuff that he hasn't done? Do you keep comparing yourself to the other woman? Do you keep harping on this? Are you coming across as too needy? All of those behaviors can be very tiresome and draining on a relationship. Finding out that you have 18 year old daughter must have been a real shocker for the guy so you should cut him some slack here. Ease up and give him some room. This would be a good opportunity for you to work on your self-esteem.
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