A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedlover10
writes:Hi, im a 20yr expectant mother in college. I have a problem. The baby's father doesn't do anything to help me. He's addicted to smoking marijuana and drinking cold medicines mixed with soda. Yes, you can get addicted to marijuana and HE NEEDS HELP. I don't how to get help for him because he's been trying to stop for sometime now. He smoked before we met but once we started dating, he stopped. Then, during summer school and our entire sophomore year so far, he's been smoking. I use to smoke as well but i stopped loooooong before i became pregnant. He came to me and addmitted his addiction and asked me to help him stop, so i tried to help him stop and i still am but he just gets upset when i help. I feel like thats something an addict would do to someone whose trying to help them like they asked. I want him to stop smoking and drinking the syrup now because he's not going to stop once the baby gets here, even though he said he would. He won't. He's tried stopping numerous of times and it just doesn't work. He's chosen marijuana over me times before and has even left me for it. He's lied about stopping and would go smoke again less than an hour later. i need help, for the sake of his health and my baby. I can be near him because he smokes 24/7! i can't be around second hand smoke and he always asks me to come over to spend time with him, but during the time im there, he's smoking while im in a room alone. I don't want to take any chances at my baby's health. Im afraid that once the baby gets here, he's still going to be smoking. He says that I want hime to stop smoking because i cant smoke but that's definitely not the case. I want him to stop because I WILL NOT bring my baby around him if he still smokes. The smell of marijuana can easily stay in your hair and clothes and I dont want him holding my baby while he smells this way or coming down off his high. If the baby inhales that smell, there's no telling what kind of health problems will occur. I want a good life for my baby but it seems like its gonna have to be a good life without the father, and I dont want that. Can someone please help me, any ideas, do i need to call someone important, i don't know.
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female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (22 March 2012):
 Sit him down and make it perfectly clear that he cannot have a part in his child's life unless he quits smoking and being generally stupid. It's easy to say 'leave him', but as the father he does have some legal rights. Though if he has drug problems, those rights may be taken away, which ultimately would damage your child's relationship with his/her father. Children statistically have better upbringing with some sort of paternal involvement, so it would be best to try to get him to get clean.Go to his family. It may be humiliating to him, but that may be what he really needs. There are also drug rehab support groups, even for marijuana. Maybe go with him to a meeting to be supportive. Educate him as to why pot and other drugs are damaging to the brain.Bottom line, you can only do so much. Make it indisputable and inarguable that he must get clean and sober to be around your baby. With some strong doses of reality he may come around.Much love and Best wishes
A
female
reader, shazz1991xoxo  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 hi hunni give him a direct ultimatum and STICK with it tell him straight stop smoking and be with ur family or smoke and be alone, its called tough love but u really do need to think of yourself and ur baby,maybe try talking to his parents and explain that u do love him and u don't want to break up with him but that u are only thinking about ur baby? see if his parents can talk some sense into him, even if his parents don't know he smokes it, its time they do xox good luck
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 March 2012):
 YOU don't "Owe" him any help..... After all... you've gotten more than you bargained for from this creep - i.e. you got some sperm from him.....
NOW.... grow up and kick him to the curb so that he may live out his childish/addicted life as he wishes.... whilest YOU go about being a real adult and Mother to the child that he planted in you....
There.... isn't that simple????
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Yeah, get rid of him. I know you don't want to do it, but you have to for the sake of your baby. Chances are it's just going to get worse once the baby is around.
See, pot isn't exactly a physically addictive thing. When someone gets addicted to it, it's mental. It relieves them of their emotional stress and worries so they become dependent on it, and well, having a baby is just going add more stress, which is going to keep him smoking it.
So yes, he will still be smoking. You know what you have to do.
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