A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been going out for a couple of months now. We have been having some problems sexually as we have been finding it hard to make me cum, i can when im masturbating but not with him. Because of this my boyfriend has given up trying which makes me feel annoyed and frustrated because i have given his head basically everytime i see him. Plz help xxx
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Tit for tat honey.
Don't tell him what he does wrong, tell him when he does something right.
SHOW him what you like and WHERE you like it. Play a tease in the bedroom, make him "earn" a BJ or whatever he really wants by pleasing you FIRST. And really, most women have no problems getting a clitoral orgasm so maybe you can show him how to get you off, it's a turn on for any man..
Don't let him be this lazy, or you will end up with piss poor sex ( on your end)..
A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Sexual communication is the key here chick, dont have to instruct him every time hes doing something rite but encourage him with little moans, deep breathing, movements anything that gives him the idea your actually wanting to be there, and say ina very sexy seductive way almost whisper things like "o0o that feels so good baby" or "i love it when you touch/kiss/lick me rite there" ect you get the idea.
A bit of praise goes along way with guys, if your always focusing on the bad points and not the good ones then, not meaning t bust your bubble or anything but dont sound to me like your giving him all that much incentive to 'want' to please you. Give him more confidence with you n the rest will follow.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Are you saying he cant make you orgasm through penetrative sex here or that he cant make you orgasm when doing other things too?
If you cant orgasm during sex then this is normal, many women struggle to orgasm through penetrative sex. There is not a lot you can do about that, you can still enjoy sex without having an orgasm.
If he cannot make you orgasm doing other things (i.e. with his fingers or orally) then you need to talk to him. He might have given up because you are making him feel really inadequate! Men are very sensitive when it comes to sex and it can really hurt a guy if he thinks he is bad in bed. So maybe the fact that you keep telling him that he is not making you orgasm is making him feel like "why bother, I'm just rubbish in bed and it will never change".
Just talk to him and boost his ego a little, tell him how sexy he is, how much he turns you on, how good it feels when he does ...... (insert your own favourite thing that he does.) Once you have made him feel a little better about himself, then the next time you are in bed with him try giving him a little direction when he is pleasuring you. Dont be bossy about it or say "you need to do it like this..." as men dont take that very well. He just needs a little guidance - think about what you do to yourself when masturbating and then try and subtly explain to him how to do it. Just saying something like "I really like it when you touch me there.....or it feels amazing when you do ......"
Try and make it positive rather than negative, adding words like "amazing" and "it feels so good when" makes him feel like he is good at what he's doing to you. If you started telling him what to do then he would feel like he might as well not be there because you can do it better yourself.
Maybe even try asking him what he wants you to do to him, and ask him what you could do better, or what he really enjoys. That way it seems like you are trying to improve your technique so he will be more inclined to try and improve his technique too! I'm sure there will be some things that you could do better, no-one is perfect in the bedroom department and some times you just need to talk about it until you both get it right!
It takes a while until you know someone's sexual preferences, longer than the few months you have been together. I would say it wont really be great in the bedroom department until you have been together about 6 months, so just try and be patient!
And one last thing, it is obviously easier for you to orgasm when you do it yourself because you are alone and know your own body very well. You might not be aware of this but maybe you cant orgasm with your boyfriend because you are not yet fully comfortable with him. I often find that with a new guy I meet I cant orgasm at all with them for the first few months because subconsciously I dont want to let them see me orgasm/lose control like that in front of someone new. But with a guy who I have been with for years, then the orgasms come pretty quickly and easily!
So I think you need to give your boyfriend a break, he is still learning about what you like and you are making him feel really bad by putting all this pressure on him to make you orgasm! Give him so gentle direction, be patient and in time it will happen! And if he wont even try anymore, then stop giving him head and he will soon try again! But seriously, talking about it sex in a positive way with him and explaining that it isnt his fault and you want to work at getting better sexually together (that means you too!) will work I'm sure.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (17 July 2009):
I agree that talking is the best way. he can't be giving up though. your his girl and satisfying you should be of great interest to him. don't know if he gives you oral sex but if he does tell him to do with his tounge what you do with you fingers. good luck
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 He just doesn't know how to do it properly. With my girl, I sometime tell her how to "work it" and she does the same thing to me, you come to know each other when you do so.
I don't see any other way than to talk to him about it, if he doesn't try he'll never be able to do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): I think you need to sit and talk to him about this. Find out what 'key' thing you do when you are by yourself and that makes you orgasm and then get him to try it. Obviously this will need lots of practice, but of course it will be all fun.
He does need to be patient about this subject as it can be very worrying/off putting. Be sure that the situation is giving each other orgasms because you want to and not a point scoring exercise! How about masturbating in front of him, ask him to join in - that might even help? Good luck!
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