A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for well over 2 years, all of which have been long distance. Right now, I'm in college and he's living back at home in NY, about 4 hours away from my parents' house. I was planning to go visit him by train on the 26th, but realized today that the prices for that day had gone up substantially. Since it had just yesterday come to me attention that a family friend who wants to see me (and whom I want to see) is leaving for CA and will be gone by the time I'd get back from my boyfriend's, I thought I'd just leave home a day later, get the cheaper train ticket, and stay at my boyfriend's a few extra days to make up for making him wait longer (although what's 24 hours after 5 months, right?) Seemed to me like everyone would win. I was dead wrong. I told him this at noonish today and he absolutely flipped out on me, calling me selfish and telling me I obviously don't love him and all those lovely sentiments. No matter how much I try to reassure him that none of those are true, he won't calm down. I offered to pay more and come on the 26th and that isn't a viable solution for him either. Now he's telling me to not come at all and suggesting we should break up.Is he over-reacting or did I screw up that badly? Why on earth would he claim to want to see me so much only to cancel our plans so easily? (Also, if it holds any bearing [although he swears it doesn't] he's always hated Christmas because that's when his parents divorced a few years back. He swears this has nothing to do with how this is playing out, but he's always turned into a nightmare around Christmas and this feels like the worst year yet!)Please help! I don't want to break up with him, but I feel like he's being intentionally difficult and I don't know what to do. I'm at the end of my rope!
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female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (18 December 2011):
Hey hun there isnt an easy way to say this and without hearing his side to things its hard to judge, but in my personal experience (this sounds.almost.identical.to.something that happened.to me) when a person blows something like this out of proportion to the point of being unreasonable, then ranting how you should break up, It normally means that they were wanting.to break up and have seized the oportunty to.take the coward way out and make it your fault as well so.they dont have to feel.guilty. I know.its.harsh but give him a chance.to.calm down , make your offer to come down again and if he is still being unpleasant to you and/or.insistng you break up, tell him to forget it hunny and spend the train fare on something nice.for.yourself.for.xmas. I know its painful, expeshally after 2 years but you should never let anyone play mind games with yoy because otherwise they will only get worse as time goes on. I hope everything works out ok and you figure things out. X
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (18 December 2011):
 You've tried to explain to your boyfriend the best you can , you tried to remedy the best you can: for him its not good enough.
There is nothing you can do but let him calm down by giving him his space.
However just because his parents broke up during xmas and he hates xmas gives him NO RIGHT to hurt you or vent his anger out on you.
You Love him but if he wont listen what can you do ?
I suggest giving it a break and see if he calms down and wants to talk and at that point explain to him how much he hurts you when he flips out.
If he doesn't cool down and continues then I think your better out of it, he clearly has anger management issues and needs help from a professional. Suggest it to him!
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 He sounds like a common garden variety asshat!
why isnt he coming to visit you, or putting forward some solutions, meeting you half way to decide what can be achived for BOTH of you?
Go with your gut feeling, he does seem to be deliberately making your life difficult.
Call his bluff and break up with him, that will leave you free to bring some decent, non drama queen, people into your life.
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