A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:not realy a relationship question as such, but why are some people just 'slags' or 'sluts' i know this girl shes 14 im 18 i dont have a crush on her or out, just started talking and i suppose you cud say we are freinds and thers 'rumours' about her that when she was 12 she slept with some travaler (aka gypos) for some reason but i cant remember why, ther was a reason for it (so the rumours go) but shes confesed to it to other people who i know who have told me through gossip and she whent home crying at what had happend. so shes learnd her lesson and regrest sleeping with some one for the sake of it?? yet she sleeps with people in the back of a car for some money for some fags... and thers loads and loads of 'rumours' like that. but its not about her its about some girls in general, why are people like that????shes a lovely lass real bubbley, polite, lovely in general and dare i say shes attractive, shes had a good upbrining (shes not from a broken home she has a father figure and all that) and im told that cos i know her sister whos my age.,..... but why are some girls like that? and at such a young age.... ok they could be rumours but she has confessed to them why? to show off? i certainly wouldnt want to show of about that... and ther must be some truth to them??as i say i do like her and i hope they are rumours cos shes real nice and all that and its was like a dissapointment when i found out about the rumours cos she cant be in a nice posistion if people are using her for sex.....thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): Hello - I think it is a good thing that you are wondering about this girl and trying to understand. Women need more of that!
The rumours may or may not be true or partially true. I guess time will tell.
But the main point is that the girl is being judged because of her sexual behaviour and you want to know why it is that she would behave in a way that many people would consider immoral and evidence that she has low standards.
I would really implore you to think again about her home life. It is so very easy to assume that because a family SEEMS okay then they are. I know this because I grew up in a family that seemed relatively well off, with parents that people assumed were nice people. The reality was that my home life was nothing short of a nightmare, with my mother being nice to people in public and being very psychologically abusive towards me in private.
Things like this mean that you grow up with a very low sense of your own value, or NO sense of value at all. It may be that no one has ever sat down and talked to this girl about how to value herself.
Take time to know her and try not to assume that her life is okay just because her family may seem materially allright and seem nice. Problems run much deeper than that. And try to get her to see a counsellor. as a friend you could make a life-long difference to this girl's life by not judging her but still trying to show her how to gain a sense of self-value.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): They could be just rumours, and as for people saying she has confessed it, don't believe what anyone else tells you, go by what she has told you herself. I have had the girlfriends of member's of my family telling my family I have slept with people that I have definitely not slept with simply out of spite. Some members of my family (siblings) believed these lies, some (my parents) didn't believe them at all as they know me well enough. It has turned out that the one's who started the rumours were the one's sleeping around, and because I am classed as a goody apparently, they decided to tarnish my name.
The point I am making is that rumours are not facts, and there doesn't have to be any truth to them at all. People will say "oh she confessed to me" to make their lie seem more believable. So unless she tells you yourself, don;t believe any rumours you hear, because more often than not they are not based on any truth. Having these rumours spread about her isn't pleasant either for her.
I am not saying that the rumours aren't true, I don't know the girl, but you do and if she hasn't confessed that they are true to you, then just assume they aren't true, because you ahve no real idea if they are. It's like Chinese Whisper's, everyone puts their own spin on it, and change it to add their own bit. Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2011): Girls that have been sexually abused or raped may act out by use of sex. They have such a distorted view of their body, their worth, and hate themselves. They want and need love and protection but mistake it by using sex as it WAS TAUGHT TO THEM that the only way they can have Real, Safe Love is by sex.
I feel for this lost girl. Good home or not; incest/sexual abuse occurs in such places.
I hope she gets counselling ASAP.
boys like you are unfair and unjust and will continue to victimize her.
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