A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is a French environmentalist and I'm american. Lately I've been asking myself the question if my relationship is worth the compromise I have to do. Basically, I'm not as much as an environmentalist as he is and when it comes to compromise, I'm the one doing it. He told me he will not compromise when it comes to the environment. So, our biggest issues (and one that I'm still frustrated with) is that when he is home, I can't take a normal shower. It means I have to put the water on for 30 seconds.. wash.. then put water on for 30 more seconds. I CAN'T do this all the time. So, I simply take them when he isn't home. But, I'm finding myself sneaking like this often. I sneak cookies, too. It isn't just the environment he has a strong opinion on... it's eating habits and buying commercial processed food! I agree with his ideas.. but, the problem is, I like to let go ONCE In awhile.. and I'm finding that I get to hide all of this. I will be doing this the rest of my life... and I'm not sure if I like this. But, the problem is.. he has strong beliefs on health and environmental issues... anything I do that goes against them, he will argue about them with me. Our love hasn't died at all, but everyday, there is an issue..... how I should do this instead of that... how I should use the light in the bathroom when there is natural light to get ready in the morning... how I should not eat so much cereal.. and eat more balanced... E V E R y thing! He is usually right, you see? But, some times I'd like to make my own bad decisions! And hiding things can't be a healthy habit, but there's no way that will stop. I like to breathe when he's gone. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe question I posted before wasn't the same because I got completely different advice actually. I liked the advice last time, but I added more in this question. What's the point you ask? To get more advice from more people! and maybe change the question around a bit. voila..
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses, but how is that you leave someone when you love them? He doesn't get mad at me if he knows I hide things.. he kind of assumes I do. He never gets "angry" but rather frustrated or lectures me. Also, I happen to agree with him on the issues, but in our relationship it's ONLY this stupid little thing that really bothers me. He does want to control me on health/environmental issues because I was not very educated in that area before I met him... its not like he controls me on who i see or what i do.. everything else in our relationship is positive. So, I should really end a relationship because of this? It's NOT EASY.. In fact, I don't know if I could do that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): You posted this question before, if uyou couldnt take out advice the first time, what's the point now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): No one is allowed to control you but you. He may not be the right man for you, having said that, he obviously is very passionate about the environment and when someone feels so strongly on a subject it will be impossible for him to change a lifetime commitment he has made to this noble cause.
So, you can stay or you can find someone who is better suited. If you wish to stay you need to learn to pick and choose your battles carefully for the sake of your relationship. Can you change some things without too much discomfort....continue to take showers when he is not there, have cookies at work, will this anger him if he finds out? Weigh your choices, offer to agree with him on things that are o.k. with you and perhaps he can loosen up a little with other things, if not it will be time for you to move on and find someone more agreeable.
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A
female
reader, elliebellie  +, writes (28 October 2007):
this man sounds very controlling and it seems like he is controlling you. you need to tell him that you agree with some things that he says. you and him are different and have different feeling about the environment. you obviously care about the environment but you dont neeed to change what you normally do/eat just to suit this man. if he has a problem with this then you should tell him you cant cope with it. he has come into your life to make you happier, not to change and control you. hope this helps
lol
ellie
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