A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is an alcoholic and I don't know what to do. I've tried almost everything and nothing seems to work. He doesn't feel he has a problem. I'm getting more depressed by the day. All we ever do is sit around and he drinks. I love him with all my heart, what do I do?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 September 2009):
There;s only one person who can fix this problem, and that's him. Because watching him drink himself to death is going to destroy you even more. I think you have to make a very brave decision and say that unless he cuts alchohol from his life, you'll have to leave. And yoou have to mean it, because you're going to end up the one looking over and early grave. That may sounds harsh, but I'm afraid it's true.
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (23 September 2009):
I second (or third) the vote that you seek out Al-anon. There you'll find people who have dealt with similar situations, and have improved their lives greatly, reguardless of the actions that the alcoholic does or doesn't take.This program provides the tools that we all need when we have an alcoholic in our lives - but don't be confused, the work we do in there is on us, for us... they have to deal with themselves, but in Al-alon I learned that all I could control was how I reacted and how I felt- when I took the steps to start to change that life got alot better. I can't explain it, it's a SIMPLE program, almost free, one hour a week (more if you fall in love with it)... I connected with people that knew volumes about me the minuite I walked in the door and hadn't figured out what to even say... It's a wonderful program, and if you don't like the first meeting, find another location until you do. Groups can vary in how they "feel"... keep looking till you find one that feels like home!Life will get better, and the majority of the time the Alcoholic senses the change and sometimes seeks treatment.Do it for yourself first - him second.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Hi, sorry to hear about your boyfriend. You're not going to like my answer. There is no way to fix this for him. He's got to do it himself. Your choice is whether or not you're going to sit there with him watching him drink, getting more and more depressed, or if you're going to get out and create your own life.
I had a very good friend, who simply could not beat the drinking thing. She had a husband who loved her very much. She died at age 46. He's still devastated, three years on. I doubt he'll ever be the same. She was yelled at, had letters written to her, lost friends, lost jobs, was broke more than once... and that couldn't dissuade her. It's a disease, a disorder, whatever it the correct terminology is, unless the drinker recognizes it as a problem and that he or she needs treatment, well, he or she is going to drive everyone around him/her who doesn't drink absolutely crazy.
This is the best you can get right now, sitting around watching him destroy his body and his future. Is your life worth more than that? I'd say yes. Sorry to be so brutal, but this is what you should realize: you're not going to be able to fix him. HE has to want to change.
Love does NOT conquer all, alas. It should, but it doesn't.
Go to an Al-Anon meeting to learn more. It's a real eye opener. I went to one when I was trying to figure out how to deal with my friend. The people there were pragmatic, welcoming and non-judgmental. Isn't that what you need right now?
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): Until he wakes up and can see how his drinking is not good then he will probably continue drinking.
My partner was like this but he went to do the doctor a couple of years back, they did some tests they told him if he did not stop the drinking now he would be dead in less then 10 yeats, he was only 27 at the time, he stopped and he a totally different person now, but it was a major wake up call for him.
He needs to want to do this for himself or else he won't stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-think-my-boyfriend-has-a-drink.html
Read the responses to this Dear Cupid Poster.
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A
female
reader, patient66 +, writes (23 September 2009):
That is hard to deal with because the excuse that comes to your head is that its not that bad , I can help him and/ or He is sick, he is a great guy it's just the drinking.
You know what my mom told me when I was in the same situation, think towards the future. Would you want this man around your children if or when you have children.(If you don't already) Do you want them around that kind of environment.
Even for yourself, Do you want to feel like you are now everyday?
Go to Alnon it's for people who are effected by people in their lives that drink.There is meetings as well
And it is help for you. Cuz believe it or not you have to change first. There are ten commendments you go by, try it and see if it's for you.
Lots of Luck xo
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