A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for 1 year. Im 22 and he is 30. I feel that he partys way too much were always arguing about it and it just doesnt seem to stop him. I dont want to stop him having fun but we have i trust issues with him over things he has done in the past on nights out. I wouldnt mind if he went out came home at a reasonable time but there is always something more... drunks calls asking me to come pick him up, turning his phone off, not coming home.. the list is endless!He moved in with me a few months ago and he has calmed down alot but im alot younger than him and i hardly ever go out maybe once a month. I love going out having a laugh with the girls but ive just always assumed that when your in a relationship you dont want to do those things every weekend and i dont see the need for me to be out partying all the time i have a boyfriend what else am i looking for in a club? He is far from the most mature 30 year old but i just dont think its on... The reason i was initially happy with an older guy is because i thought he would have out grown that! I feel like im in a relationship with a 21 years old boy!We broke up litterally 3 days ago because he had lied about going out partying and now 3 days later hes off out again and he thinks that because he has told me that its ok.Im just sick of it i feel like if he even cared about this relationship he wouldn’t want keep going out if he knew it was hurting me!
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (9 November 2012):
 Some guys never grow up. Unfortunately, I think you sort of expected him to grow up when you moved in together.
If he was doing this sort of thing while you were dating, the question I need to ask is "Why did you expect him to change?" Also, why did you move in together when there has been serious trust issues (with him turning off his phone and staying out late)?
While I respect your intelligence in wanting an older, more mature man, I think your wisdom hasn't quite gotten there yet. The writing was on the wall with this relationship from the get go: he isn't ready to settle down any time soon.
Sadly, now you are his designated driver and you are kept up at night wondering what he is doing and if he is being true to you.
I think you really need to take a good hard look at the man you are currently with. Is he really all that you bargained for? Where do you think he'll be in a year from now? 5 years? Do you want to risk what potentially are your best years on this relationship in the hopes he finally grows up?
Hopefully you take pause and really think through what you've settled for.
Eddie
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Hi
If you broke up 3 days ago then he is no longer your problem.
He just isn't the faithful, stopping in for cosy couple nights type of 'man', so you are much better off free, to find a man who is.One who respects you and wants to spend time with you, as a couple.
I don't know how he can afford night after night of partying let alone get up for work next day...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Eh, if by 30 he has not outgrown the most of his party boy phase , he won't even in future. That's what he is and that's what he does . He knows perfectly that this is bothering you, because you have argued about it several times, yet he does not seem willing to at least compromise and cut down a bit.
I am afraid this is a lost battle . Either you take him as he is, or you leave him.
Although, I must say that the switched off phone, the nights out, the lies would indicate that he is doing way more than just downing a few drinks and having a laugh with the boys. Probably he is having a laugh with the girls- a laugh at your expenses. So, I don't know if " taking him as he is " is actually a reasonable option...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Maybe you have outgrown this guy and seems like he HASN'T out grown his late teen/early 20's party hardy days.
He knows you don't like it but you are still with him, thus in his "man logic" it is OK by you. Know what I mean?
You two live together yet he leaves you at home constantly to go out and party? Do you spend time together on week-ends at all? Do you go out for dinner, movies? Do you hang out with his/your friends together ever? Or do you two in fact live kind of separate lives?
I have only lived with my first BF and my now husband, but in neither relationships did they (or I) spend that amount of time partying. I even worked as a bartender while dating my first BF so I would work Fri/Sat and he would often show up and hang out at the bar because he missed me. We were in our early 20's back then.
Seems like he wants to live a single lifestyle but have a GF he doesn't have to answer too.
Guess you will have to figure out if this is what you want or not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): "I feel that he partys way too much were always arguing about it and it just doesnt seem to stop him."If your arguing about his partying way too much doesn't stop him, then he doesn't feel he parties way too much. "ive just always assumed that when your in a relationship you dont want to do those things every weekend"He assumes otherwise. "i dont see the need for me to be out partying all the time"That's why he parties without you. "i have a boyfriend what else am i looking for in a club?"He has a girlfriend with whom he's shacking up, but apparently he's still looking for other girls who are drunk and easy so he can get laid with no strings, no obligation and no commitment before coming home and getting into bed with you."The reason i was initially happy with an older guy is because i thought he would have out grown that! I feel like im in a relationship with a 21 years old boy!"He's older, but that doesn't mean he's mature for his age, which he isn't."We broke up litterally 3 days ago because he had lied about going out partying and now 3 days later hes off out again and he thinks that because he has told me that its ok."No, now he thinks that it's okay because you broke up literally three days ago, which I literally interpret literally means you literally broke up, which literally means he is literally no longer your boyfriend which literally means you are no longer a couple. "Im just sick of it i feel like if he even cared about this relationship he wouldn’t want keep going out if he knew it was hurting me!"He knows it's hurting you and he doesn't care, which means he doesn't care about the relationship, which means he doesn't care about you, which means you should be glad you broke up literally three days ago.
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