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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is addicted to Second Life. He is on there constantly. He has a job in there , he is also a woman in there. He is obsessed with this to the point now he just has to be there. He talks about it always. At first he was worried about how i felt about it. I was indeed worried so much so i had to search the web for answers. I realize this is supposed to be recreational however now it's so real to him I am worried... Please give ur advise! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): My boyfriend is doing the exact same thing. Mine however is a cross dresser in RL (I didn't know this until recently) and this is how he lives out his "girl" fantasies. He is also involved in BDSM and I recently found out is a slave to some woman there. He obsesses over this game and if he can't get online he freaks out that his "Mistress" will be angry with him. It sounds like you maybe in the same boat as me, I would ask him up front.
Good luck, once they start down this path and getting them off the internet/sex addiction is very difficult.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): I live with my son and daughter-in-law and my two grandchildren and Second life has become a huge problem. My son and daughter-in-law have been involved for just about a year and it has become a every second they are not at work addiction. They come home at night, throw some dinner on the table and go up to their respective computers to play second life. On weekends my daughter-in-law does their wash (I do all the rest) and retires to second life. My son just sits and plays all day and night all weekend. This past Christmas it was left to me to make sure the kids had presents. Even on Christmas day, while the kids were opening their presents, my son had his online girlfriend watching via skipe. I know that in the language of addiction I would be called an enabler but I am afraid that if I don't take care of the kid, no one will. I write all of this to let you know that addiction to online games is as serious and destructive as addicton to drugs. In Seattle they have opened an IN PATIENT treatment center for those addicted to on line games. Just like any other addiction, letting it go is not the answer. And certainly ignoring it for a full year is a recipe for disaster. Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him of your concerns and see what kind of response you get. You will have to decide whats more important to him-you or the game. I suggent you read up on addictions and go from there. Good Luck
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reader, Angzw  +, writes (4 January 2010):
Funnily enough, last night I watched a documentary about this trend and one advisor said if you were spending more than 2 hours a day then it can become a problem. They also said most second lifers lose interest after about 6 months to a year. So how long is he on it per day and since when? Depending on how long he has been going at it, maybe you could let him have some fun with it. Maybe create your own avatar and take an interest? Its not very much different from a guy who spends 2 hours fishing or 4 hours golfing/ watching sport. The only difference is that at least he does it at home and he wants to share it with you. If you express your disgust at his behavior, the only thing you will succeed in doing is making him secretive about it. He will suddenly stay at the office longer than usual etc. Don't always try and control everything. Give him some breathing room. UNLESS ofcourse he has quit his day job and spent lots of money and several hours daily on it.
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reader, lovelife1437 +, writes (4 January 2010):
Does he have a REAL job in REAL life? The woman part is indeed questionable. You should ask him directly if it bothers you this much because depending on his answers, it'll help define the addiction aspect. I actually checked out the website because of your question, so it seems like it's a place for people to fantasize and become idealists. Especially in this economy, I can imagine some people just loving their creations on the website and the "second" life when the real life isn't going as planned. I can see how it can become an addiction because people are ideally what they want to be and in reality not so much. You need to address this issue with the boyfriend if your relationship is taking a toll because of him being constantly on the website. In retrospect, have you tried the website yourself and maybe enjoy it along with him so then it'll become recreational for the both of you so then you can talk/discuss it like a movie you just watched? Everything has a phase, so maybe this is just a phase he's going through and you won't know unless you get involved and see it from his point of view. Good Luck! :-)
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reader, fullvee +, writes (4 January 2010):
Oops! Computer just "accidentally" broke. ...Seriously, it might be time for an intervention in real life, or one in 2nd life. Maybe become a character in there and win his friendship, and tell him that way, that this is how much he is ignoring you, that you had to go to these lengths to get to him. Just an option...
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