A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I live with my boyfriend of 5 years and have always trusted him but have been noticing recently that he acts sneaky with his phone and laptop. If I come into the room he will swipe everything off his page so that I can't see he also always makes sure that he locks them after he uses them and often sits in a seat in the corner of the room positioning himself in a way so that he thinks I can't see his screen of his computer but I know he's chatting to someone because of the way he is typing (he will react with smiles when he's typing and types like he has a lot to say.. not like when you're just browsing the net but rather when you're in a convo) but if i ever ask what hes doing he will just say an essay or whatever. He also takes his phone out to check it every around 5 minutes or so and seems to constantly be texting but if I ever ask who it is he will respond that its his brother.Yesterday he was showing me something on his laptop when a text popped up on his screen from a girl who I had never even heard him mention before which is kinda odd.. as if hes good enough friends to have her number and always be texting why wouldn't she have come up in conversation so I asked who she was and he said "a girl from work" and that was the end of it. A few weeks back he went to hang out with his friends from work and get something to eat with them but never invited me, I'd also like to add here that we NEVER go out anywhere together. Ever. He said that he couldn't invite me because I don't work with him but I'm sure other halfs would be invited as its a casual thing they were just going to hang out and play snooker. Does this sound weird to you? I might sound paranoid but I can sense when somethings up and this situation feels weird to me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Nope he's hiding something.... and that something is the "work friend"
if it's new behavior then it's even more concerning.
I would not go through his phone or his laptop.
I would tell him that you believe that there is something up with someone else and that you do not wish to have your intelligence (both book and social) insulted by lies.
If you are with him for 5 years already and he is around your age it's probable the relationship has run it's course and he's ready to move on but is being a jerk about it.
A
female
reader, Alba5 +, writes (18 February 2014):
I'd get a new hairstyle, a new wardrobe and start getting a life with my friends. Then he'll be back at you. The problem is your relationship has become stagnant and you do nothing exciting. He has clearly started to get a social life without you so do the same. Start going to a gym or another social activity where you meet new people. It's not healthy to not have separate social activities. I can't tell you if he's having an affair but there could be another woman who he maybe flirting with. If you are going to be sad, point the finger and snoop you're going to push him into the arms of another at some point. So get some self confidence, start looking amazing and go out and be secretive too. If it doesn't work you may just find that self confidence to leave him and find someone new.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2014):
 It this is fairly new behavior and he isn't doing this because he has been either CAUGHT doing something wrong or ACCUSED of doing something wrong - I would talk to him.
I would tell him straight up that it's not adding up. And that after that many years together you DESERVE honesty.
Now he will either pull the you don't trust me or the your insecure. Or if he is innocent he will ask you what it is he is doing that makes you feel that way.
I agree that you need to sit face to face and talk. YOU know him, you KNOW his body language. My guess is you have already "read" him and know he is not being truthful.
But before you talk to him, I would actually decide within yourself WHAT you need from him to work whatever is going on out or if you are ready to walk away if he lies or dismiss you. Basically a plan of action.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Sorry but yes it's weird and no you're not being paranoid. Don't snoop, ask him who she is and make sure you've got eye contact with him when he answers (no lowering eyes). It might be innocent but I just doubt it .... sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2014): Oh oh! You've reached the 4-5 year milestone in the relationship!
This is when there is either a lull in the relationship, or the sex gets routine and boring. Someone gets itchy about marriage, or insecurities arise about why the relationship has lost it's spark. You are are in that gray area where you wonder what he's up to; and if he's happy to be in a relationship.
What choice do you have but to confront him describing everything in detail as you presented it to us? That it bothers you that he is so cagey about his laptop and cell-phone communications. You feel he is hiding it from you. Be simple, straight-forward, and honest. He's being too damned crafty; and you feel uncomfortable about that.
With no evidence, you can't be accusatory. If you feel his answers are total bull manure; you tell him so. Nothing more. Then you tell him that you'll give things some thought; and decide if you feel you trust him enough to stay.
End the conversation on that note. If he can't immediately come up with a credible explanation; your suspicions are substantiated. You have to be courageous enough to do this. You're tempted to snoop; he's already got that covered.
He will be placed in the position to explain himself.
Prepare yourself to end a relationship that his now reached a point where you partner is behaving suspiciously; and might be deceiving you about his behavior.
What else could you do? He's playing with your head.
It's obvious that he's hiding things from you. That you do know for certain. Sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling; and seek peace of mind through drastic measures. Let him live his secret-life alone.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (17 February 2014):
This guy is disrespecting you to say the least.This relationship has run it's course I'm afraid.He sounds like he's a cheat and not to invite you out is an insult.Let him go and disrespect someone else,he clearly doesn't love you.
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A
male
reader, crushed_by_love +, writes (17 February 2014):
You know what he's up to already.Don't make a scene or try to catch him out.Ask him straight out who she is and where its going.Disarm him Don't give him the option of lying or making up excuses. How he answers will help you decide your next move.It might be salvageable, it depends how far he's gone with it.The fact he's so obvious about it could mean he's just enjoying the attention but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he's got to you.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (17 February 2014):
 Something is up.
Don't go through his phone or anything, but I would definitely confront him about your suspicions the next time you see him smiling at a so-called "essay." Put him on the spot. Ask what it's about. Ask if you can read it when he's done. Watch him scramble for excuses and then call him out. You may not be able to get him to admit anything, but after five years I bet you know this guy well enough to know when he's lying through his teeth.
Good luck and best wishes.
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