A
female
age
41-50,
*eed Attention
writes:I have been in a relationship for almost three years. The first year and a half was great. The last year and a half has been some what of a struggle. My boyfriend is a work-a-holic. I miss him tremendously and miss the way that we used to be. I am also very lonely. Recently I have befriended a married man with two children. We both respect each other's situations, and are completely open and honest with one another. As a side note, there has been NO intimacy. We both feel we are in the same situation. We have trouble in our relationships but we give each other the "attention" that we are missing. My boyfriend and I recently had a discussion about the lack of intimacy and where we stand. He doesn't know about my "friend." I do not want to lose my boyfriend and at the same time do not want to lose my friend. How do you cope with someone you love that does not give you the attention that you need to maintain the relationship? Additionally, is it ok to keep the "friend" in the picture?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): This is what you have to look forward to for the rest of your life with this work-a-holic and he won't change if you get married or if you have children, the loneliness will just grow larger along with the resentment of always being put after the career. As far as talking with the married man...stop. If you have to hide that you talk with him, then he is not strickly a friend. your treading dangerous ground befriending a married man. Physical Intimacy is just around the corner with you two since you two are exchanging emotional intimacy. Shut the friendship to aquaintence level or none at all, ended it with the boyfriend while your only 3 years in and cry your tears for the "what might of beens" and go on with life with a new more balanced guy to date.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 April 2008):
 It's okay to keep your friend in the picture, as long as you recognize your boundaries and don't cross them violating your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Need Attention +, writes (1 April 2008):
Need Attention is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoth "significant others" are aware that we are friends. There has been no intimacy as I stated before. I have talked with my boyfriend about the situation and he is willing to try an make things better. However, I don't want to lose my friend.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 March 2008):
it depends on what your intentions are with the friend. it's not fair to his wife, or his two kids either. how would you expect your own behavior if you had two children who we're learning from and someday have the ability to judge how they we're raised.
the only fair way to opperate is, prior to beginning a relationship you have to end the other one. so you're open and honest with the married man, but you can't be the same with the person you are with. you miss him, but you're willing to go outside the relationship to compensate. if things aren't going to work out, you need to come to that realization and call it quits. it's better to do so, before you make what people call "the mistake". Once that takes place, there is no taking it back. He may never forgive you, or he may. If he has my beliefs, I forgive those who have cheated, but I can't be with them because of the high level of disrespect the act carries.
When someone cheats its by making a choice, and by doing so the opportunity to choose then transfers to the person who's cheated on. They can then choose to stay with or exit that relationship, which should be done without cohersion from the other person. If they choose to leave, that's a choice that just needs to be accepted because it was chosen based on how they view the choice of the other person.
Talk to your boyfriend. Find out if it's going to work out. If not move on, but don't be part of ruining a marriage, especially one with children.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 What some people cannot find in a relationship ,
they will seek elsewhere.
That is why affairs happened.
Talk to your b/f about your needs to have some time
together and not work 90% of the time and neglect the other parts of your relationship.
Most men do make the mistake of concentrating on their
careers and tend to ignore the needs of their partners.
Life is not just working and money but about a balance in everything in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): The friend is fine and long you are not cheating with this friend of yours and if you are then it is wrong and you should stop . Tell your man how you feel. Tell him that you need attention !! You need to feel loved and wanted ! Tell him exactly how you feel .Tell him to take some time off his work .Even just for a vacation !!! Then spend lots of time together . It couldn't hurt !!!
GOOD LUCK
I wish you the very best
I hope this helped !!:)
*~VG~*
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