A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 10 years now. During the first stages of our relationship it was on again and off again. We had our problems but after a while decided to get serious and move in together. We have been living together for about 4 years now and I perform the "wifely" duties of the house. I have been feeling like we should be taking this to the next level - marriage for about a year. Every time I bring it up, I get varied answers like I'm not ready or I don't think that I'm at the husband stage. I am getting vary anxious and have thought about breaking up with him on various occassions. Do I stay and wait it out or do we break up, or do we live separately and stay together? Help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): His motivator is broken. Why should he marry you? How would that be better for him? I would move out and not just as a bluff or to get him to do something. I would seriously re-think a relationship like this. Tell him that you need time alone to think things over and what you want. Don't say 'if you won't marry me' - that's an ultimatum, not a good move.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Talk to him and give him an ultimatum if that is what you want. Then stick to it. Tell him that you want to get married and dont want to be the living in wifey. Many couples live together forever like this, but if this is not for you then let him know. Stick to your guns and if he doesnt want to get married then you have to decide if you want to continue life like this. If not then move on and make a new start. There are plenty of lovely blokes out there who would snap you up. Dont be a push over. Let him know what you want.
take care
xxx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 You are everything like a wife in a marriage and why would he
want to get married for?
He is enjoying what you offer on a silver platter
and he has nothing to gain by marriage .
If after all this time , and he does not want to get
married, it is time to call a day and find someone who will get married with you.
You need to force him to show his cards.
If he loves you truly , he will get married to you.
If he is just cozying with you , then you know the real person.
Someday when he gets fed up with you and leave ,
you will be the loser.
A marriage is like a binding contract, without it,
you can just leave as you please.
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A
female
reader, thebethany  +, writes (31 March 2008):
maybe marriage is not for him, maybe u will always be defacto, maybe he cant handle the committment, or maybe he will propose next week. it could be any number of things, but its obvious that marriage is important to you, and i would say after 10 years that i would be wanting the committment too.
i would suggest a book called "the seven principles for making marriage work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver. you will both have to read it and work through some exercises and it will allow you to see if his unwillingness to be married and your willingness is rooted in something else (which it no doubt is) and if it is truly a problem for your relationship.
i myself have the same problem, i would love to marry my live in boyfriend of 2 years, but he does not want to be married YET, always the YET.
but i know he is not ready and i value him more than i value being married, and the book was VERY helpful
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): Tell him exactly what you want! TO GET MARRIED! if he isn't ready now ask him to set a specfic date in the near future . For as long as you two have been together you should be married by now if you really do love each other.
And if it comes to it tell him that if he doesn't want to marry you then it's over and your gonna go look for someone who does!!!
that's all the advice I have. I hope it helped in some way
*~VG~*
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