A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, some male behaviour to decode here!My ex fiance and I cohabited for 2 years until we split, we fell out badly and didn't speak. We are now reconciled after 4 years of N/C.He did get in contact two years ago but it was brief, strained and we were still mad. Then last year he mailed to bury the hatchet, saying he was thinking about me, but then it petered out when he didn't reply to my mail. He then got in contact again randomly three months ago to say hi, he wondered how i was, and was very warm and complimentary towards me and alluded to wanting to see me again. We are both single and neither of us has had as serious a relationship since. I was surprised, and curious and didn't know what to think because of the animosity before. I asked him why he wanted to see me. He said he likes me and always has, so why not? But we kept in contact with each other and last week i travelled to meet him. We had a cool day out and he greeted me by throwing his arms around me, which surprised me as i thought it would be strained especially after the fall out.We talked about our relationship and he said i really hurt him. Things were a bit strange after all this time but i felt the connection was still there and we had fun. We still like each other. But he was touching me as if we were still going out! Holding hands, touching my hair and walking with his arm around me and said many things that indicated to me, that for him - a reconciliation was on his mind. Like: "If we were in a relationship now it wouldn't be like that".."I know you better than anybody".."it'd be different now we're older".."if we were like this we'd never have split up".."i've always liked being around you".."i love the way you look".. "i like you for who you are, i always did." It was strange, and i didn't know what to think. We said we both enjoyed the day and he was very affectionate with me and he held me as we said goodbye and he gave me a kiss. He said i should come visit him again sometime, when would i come? He told me he'd be in my area this week and so i assumed he'd want to meet with me, right? I felt weird but no harm in getting to know each other again, right?Wrong. I have heard nothing since he sent me a long friendly email last week, and i sent him a long reply, but nothing since then. I messaged asking him if he would drop in, but he let it fall by the wayside. I text with a bit of a joke - ignored. I called him trying to be friendly, he's ignored it. Despite him initiating all this. What the hell is going on in this guy's mind? Does he want to get back together or not? If he wants to reconcile, why wont he speak to me? Am i being unreasonable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I think he changed his mind. Let it go. He may change his mind again, but I wouldn't pursue it if I were you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): It really sounds to me that he is playing hard to get, he may want to reconcile, but on his timetable. I wouldn't call him or text him for awhile, no emails either...the ball is in his court so let him make his move.
If he doesn't then you probably have just been hit by his bug for nostalgia....maybe he felt that there was some unfinished business for him with the way you all left things seeing as how there was so much animosity.
The fact that you lived together for two years and were engaged and fell out badly, seems like it would be very difficult to reconcile after 4 long years of no contact...but I guess it could happen if you take things really slowly, don't assume the relationship, basically start over getting to know each other as I am sure you have both changed somewhat....and act as if you are dating again, let him be the one to pursue you in the beginning for several months don't call him except to return his calls, let him do the chasing if there is going to be any and see where it goes.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 This guy has a split personality .
It is as though there are two persons inside of him.
One is mushy and the other is cold.
Knowing who is in the driver's seat will save you some anguished.
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