A
female
age
51-59,
*is
writes:I've been widowed for 11 years now and haven't dated at all in all that time. My son is now in University, and my 2 daughters will be heading there in the next year. This past November, I started dating a man that I've known for many years.After about a month and a half, I finally figured it was time to make love to him. Needless to say, I was very nervous, seeing as it had been so long since I'd been with anyone.There was alot of kissing but not much more in the way of foreplay. (I did alot of touching but he didn't do any at all) I put this off as nervousness on his part. We have now been together sexually about 5 times, and it just seems to get worse every time. The last time we were together, he let it be known (very strongly) that he wanted me to give him oral. I decided maybe this would be the thing that would put things back on an even keel (maybe he'd do the same for me?)After about 30 minutes of me giving undressing him and performing for him, I was still fully dressed :/ I said how about a break, let's have a drink and a smoke, he said sure. After the break he started kissing me again, and actually took my shirt off (not the bra mind, just the shirt) He then hops up on me and says "it felt so good, how about some more?" Another 15 or 20 minutes of that, I remove my own pants, he pumps about 5 times and is done.So there I lay, thinking he can't be serious. He actually has the gall to say "You went too many years without, haven't you missed this?"Now I'm thinking WHAT exactly was I missing, cause he sure as heck didn't give me anything. As a matter of fact I get a whole heck of a lot more attention when I'm alone.I've tried asking him to touch me, any type of touching, it doesn't have to be oral, but a hand pushing a head down isn't my idea of foreplay.I realize the relationship is still new, (he keeps saying "it'll get better since we're still learning each others bodies") But he hasn't touched my body enough to even know if I have 10 fingers and toes. I know his quite well, and all his little "spots" I'm starting to think this is why he's a 42 year old man that's never had a long term relationship in his life.Now for the actual question I have. Do I give this guy more chances, or kick him to the wind? I find myself cringing at the idea of being alone with him now because I know he'll want all that I've done for him again.
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a break, bra , foreplay, kissing, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 I have been widowed and if I had been unlucky enough to meet your lover i do not think I could put up with him beyond one date.
And I think you are correct, he is an unskilled lover with little sensuality. His 'style,' or lack thereof, is horrible.
Truly there are some lovely men out there.
Go forth and find one of the good guys. Pay attention to a guy's actions, not just his words. Watch for his level of sensuality, his caring attitude, his empathy, his demeanor.
Instead of 'octopus arms' gropers, a good guy will make you feel cherished, loved and safe. And delicious. And very satisfied.
But your current lover is crass. And will not bring you the joy that a kind caring good lover will bring to your life.
Don't tell him, ''it's over,'' when you are alone. Be in a public place - like a coffee place. Quietly and with dignity tell him that he is not for you and wish him well in the future. Then leave. He may not take it well. Cut contact with him, and don't invite him to your home again.
Wishing you well in the future.
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (28 January 2011):
Mmmm unfortunately not everyone is like you and I, there are a lot of selfish lovers out there who just take take take.... but they only get away with what we allow them to get away with!
Everyone is different, but I am not afraid of stating what I want in the bedroom. I suggest you do the same and take control.. next time you are about to get it on, ask him to undress you... tell him "I think its about time you explored my body first and show me what you can do with those hands and tongue".
If he moans, then I would say he is a selfish lover and doubt he will change...
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A
female
reader, Cherrie_StPierre  +, writes (28 January 2011):
 You should tell him what you told us. Stop being so selfish! Tell him you will not keep on giving if he is not willing to reciprocate the favor. A relationship is not a one way street, emotionally or sexually. If he still refuses, you should rethink being with this man. Obviously the lack of sexual contact from him is bothersome to you and there are so many nice men out there that would be insisting on returning the favor. Hope this helps. xoxoxox
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