A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles, I am in need of some advice on a few issues with the one guy. I will give you some background information to my situation. So I am 32 and a year ago I met a guy who is 31, he chatted me up when I was out for the day in a local city mall with friends and he told me he was looking for a relationship and wanted to settle with a good woman as needed the love of one. It was difficult at first as about 1 week into meeting he went suddenly cold, It was then he told me he had a crack habit and that he was going to get clean, not avoiding me, I didn’t hear from him after that for almost 4 weeks. When he told me I texted back after a few hours and said that I would support him and thank you for being honest. I then didn’t hear back until a good few days later as I text again to ask if ok and he then texted to say in a very bad place. I texted a few times after that supportive messages and as said just didn’t hear back. I had actually given up on him and was heartbroken as he had been on Facebook and stuff so I just thought clearly not interested and move on. But as said about 4 weeks later he contacted and said sorry he never got back to me and that hasn’t been around, he just needed to get totally clean and sort himself out and he has and thank you for being there etc. We met and as said started properly dating. It is been a year now and I love him with all my heart. But I have some insecurities that are getting in the way and I know it is down to me. Firstly I am a normal girl, I am pretty, but nothing amazing and I have a normal office job 9-6 Monday –Friday in advertising where I earn about $45,000 which is about £30k a year I think. So nothing great. My job is ok, It is a office job, but as job goes I can wear what I want, we have music and very relaxed as an advertising company so not at all corporate. Anyway, the insecurities lies in the fact my boyf is a model. I knew this when met him and It was hard as I was constantly worried I just wasn’t good enough for him. He tells me I am beautiful and I am being silly. But it is difficult to believe. He is a successful model who shoots regularly for Prada and is on the cover of a number of mags and obviously is surrounded by other beautiful people. Not only that but he goes all over the world and we do not have the same routine. We have moved in together, to his apartment may I add that he bought pre meeting me (which he paid for all in cash as he earns soooo much from modeling) and it is going amazing. But I think the problem is I am jealous of him. I get up at 6am every day and go to my boring job, he sleeps to 10am, then goes gym and then to a casting or flies out to Paris and gets paid a fortune for it. I just worry that he will turn around and be like what am I doing with this normal girl, I can have a model like me who earns a fortune look incredible and we can be a hot couple going around the world together. My friends tell me I am being stupid that he is 31 not 21 and therefore too old to do that stuff anymore and therefore looking for normal now and that can’t be model forever he probably knows that and is looking to settle and doesn’t want someone like him. The other issue is our backgrounds, I was brought up in a middle class Jewish background (though not at all religious and neither family) he was brought up on a rough inner city in public housing and comes from a Irish catholic background. Whilst neither of has a problem with this and this has never been an issue and neither to both our families. The issue I have is with some of his friends. They are from Iran and he has a very close group of Muslim friends that he has grown up with him in a the gang they were in when they were younger. I get the impression they do not really like me, or they do but because he has ended up with a Jew they are not happy. He says I am being stupid again and this day and age no one cares about such things. I just worry. I have some Hebrew writing that I got done about 6 years ago on my forearm, it is very very large and I think does he/they hate me for that. Do they see it has offensive. Again my friends tell me I am being silly, that these days having a Hebrew tattoo means nothing, even Victoria Beckham has one, doesn’t mean Jewish and also that these days marrying or being with someone who is from a different background is so common that no one bats an eyelid.I wish I could get over these two issues. The first one I fear it will drive him crazy as I constantly bring it up how I am normal to look at and how I have a boring office job and my life isn’t like his. The second issue I have only mentioned to him once. I keep it to myself these thoughts about me and his friends. What do you all think, am I just being silly and Its because I love him I am scarred of it going wrong or do you think these are real issues. Thanks
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 January 2013):
Your friends are right you're being silly. He obviously likes you and flat out told you he was ready to settle down. Besides he probably got all his messing around out when he was younger.
I went through the same thing at his age. I didn't want to date any more, I was tired of it. I just wanted to be with one good woman for the rest of my life.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 I suggest that you make those proverbial lists of "things I like about us, and what goes on between us"... and "things I DON'T like about us, and what goes on between us..."
Be honest.... and, when you are done, make that tally. IF the things you LIKE outweigh the things you DON'T LIKE, then you can probably proceed to see if you and he can make a future.... If those things you DON'T LIKE outweigh the "LIKES" then be honest with yourself - and with him - and decide that you and he don't have enough chance of romantic/partner success, and agree to go your separate ways.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 You're being silly! He could be with anyone he wants and he's with you. That's all there is to it. I don't know many models who want to date other models, most I've talked to really enjoy having the stability of a non-model being in their life. You think the desk job makes you boring, but I almost guarantee he sees it as a perk. You're over-thinking this. He loves you and you love him, everything is fine.
Think of it like this too, most of the guys who sleep around are doing it for the ego validation. He already has validation that he is hot.
Stop over-thinking it.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (11 January 2013):
This is probably bad news. These folks live a fast and furious life. As you yourself has pointed out, he is constantly surrounded by beautiful people living fast and furious lives around him.
Who would say if he hooked up with a female (or male for that matter) model, staffer, etc while in Paris? Would anyone bother to tell you?
The dude had a crack habit when you met him... Why didn't you RUN FOR THE HILLS then?
You're signing yourself up for a life of disappointment, hurt, suspicion, and regret.
He may be exciting and hot as all get out, but in the end, even if he behaves himself, and never does cheat, you'll never be able to feel like you measure up.
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