A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In a long distance relationship. My love is in his mid 30s. Due to a family tragedy, he has had to live with his mother. Problem is, it's now a couple of years after the tragedy and still lives with mom. I want him to be with me so we can start out lives together. I want to have a family with him. I've known him for a long time and I am truly in love with this man. I know he loves me, but I just don't get this fixation and attachment he has to his mom that seems to be stronger than his attachment to me. I know parents are important, but at what point do you try to move on with your life and live the dreams you've wished for so many years. He'd never admit his mother is the issue as wonderful as she is. He'd say it's work or something else keeping him from moving. And of course work is essential. thing is he hasn;t had stable job recently. Am I being foolish here? Is this a subtle message that I'm not enough for him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your helpful feedback. Thing is, there is more to the story that probably was too much to mention all at once. @ janniepeg and Frustrated36 - I would have happily moved to him. We had discussions in the past and my career opportunities were better where I am now. I was willing to make career sacrifices. But he wouldn't let me. He told me he will come to me and that was the best decision for the both of us and our future. So, then he never came. I understand that he may not want that distance with his mom. I would also gladly accept his mother in my home. He feels that she would never do that either. Something has to give. I love him so much and I can and would absolutely make sacrifices. We just need to be in agreement. I don't want to waste the rest of my youth just waiting for something that may never happen.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 This phrase is key in your submittal: " I just don't get this fixation and attachment he has to his mom that seems to be stronger than his attachment to me..." 'Cuz, if this is so... and doesn't change... then YOU don't stand a chance of shifting his attachment FROM "Mommy" to YOU....
Give this long and serious thought.... and, if you don't see a chance for the Mother/son break... then give up on him....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 January 2013):
 I can be sure it's not about you. If he does not have a stable job how can he think about moving? Unless you love him enough to move in with him and take care of his mom together.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (11 January 2013):
There is no point in wasting more time or thinking what the reason might be .As you both love each other sit down and and have an indept chat with him about your situation.Ask him out sraight are you both going to have a future.Dont take half answers be firm but gentle and try and find out what he wants to do.Only then can you decide if you wish to continue as you are or go it alone. Best Luck. Nora B.
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A
female
reader, Frustrated36 +, writes (11 January 2013):
From my own experience with a similar relationship I had, he needs his mother. My ex-husband lived with his mom for many years and I didn't see this until after we were married but he wanted to be with someone who would take the place of his mother. It broke us up after 2 years. If he is unwilling to make a change to be with you he has some issues that he needs to work on. If you have dreams that you want to fulfill and he is aware of these dreams of yours and is not willing to help you fulfill those dreams, I think it's time for you to move on.Maybe the best thing to do right now is just let go of him and see how he reacts when he realizes that he's about to lose you. There is a good chance he's just not ready to commit yet. There is also a chance that he has a fear of commitment. It could also be that he worries about his mother being so far away from him and isn't ready to have that kind of distance between them. Maybe instead of asking him to be with you, you both agree on someplace that is a half way point between where you are and where he is. Looking at things from his side I don't think it's fair to ask him to move to you because your not giving up anything to be with him and he's giving up a lot to be with you. Try to talk to him and give him more options. If it's ment to be it will be and you will both have to give up something to be together in the end.Good luck.
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