A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do I have to pay for my boyfriend being a functional alcoholic?Why do I get called names by him when he is drunk, He belittles me in front of friends, He does not talk to me, he tell mes that he has NO problems and that I am the problem, (he hides all of his problem behide the beer can) why are his friends and drinking more important to him then I am? Why am I the bad one when I ask him to slow down?why can't he stop, It is killing me inside and I can't do nothing about it, I love him. Why is he telling me that I am the one who makes him drink when he has been doing this before we ment.( did not know how bad his drinking was until after I moved in with him)his family tried to tell him about his drinking and how bad it has gotten and he tell then to stay out of his Fu@@en life, he won't listen to anyone, and when he does it the people who drink as much as he does say "don't let her (me) tell you want to do if you like drinking do it" "F*** her" that what they tell him. he think that everthing that is wrong in out relationship is my faught, He says Im the one who need help I'm the one who made him this way, He tells me that he is never wrong and that I am. He plays head games with me when he is drunk. His drinking as gotten so bad that now he is starting to pee the bed now. he has done it 3 time within a month, I have not said anything to him about that, I don't want to embarrass him, but he hides it saying that he dumped something on the bed, but Im not that studip I wash is clothes and I have a pretty good sence of smell, but yet he still does not think he has a problem.what should I do?Help I can't take this anymore, Im sick of being the bad person when Im not, Im sick of the mind games that he plays. I love him and he loves me (when he is not drinking) and we get along fine until that first drink. Why is he like this. I am not a bad person, I do everything around the house I pay the bills I don't cheat, he does nothing to help me, he spends so much money going to the bar and making sure that he has at least 2 cases in the fridge.. Its not fair I don't derserve this but yet I can't walk away. Is him being this way my faught?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Break up with him while you're not too deep in. You don't want to marry this alcoholic no matter how sweet or handsome he is (when he's not drunk) . Bottom line it's already tearing you up inside. He won't get help so What's the alternative? Are you gonna marry him and have his baby? What a wreck that would be. He won't be a functional alcoholic for long then you'll have two kids to care for. Get out now and fix what's in you that got you into this relationship. This isn't your fault that he's an alcoholic but you need to be in healthier relationships. Get out now and maybe be heartbroken for a short while instead of a lifetime of the growing pain that your in.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2008):
 He's a boyfriend not your husband, dump him. If you love him after the horrible way he treats you then you need to look into getting some help for yourself. Once you get yourself straighten out, see if you can find a man who doesn't live in a bottle and who will treat you with love and respect. Don't settle for less.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Blimey I had never heard of an alcoholic Narcissist til now. To be honest he probably isn't a narcissist, but the booze is letting him believe he is perfect.
Its easier for him to blame you for it, than face the fact he's dependant on alcohol for long term issues that he didn't deal with before you came along.
Why doesn't he love you more than the booze? beacuse he's addicted. Its like asking why someone loves drugs more. Or gambling. People rob banks for their addictions! Addiction is very powerful.
And he loves the mates more because they sound like they have drink problems too, and alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, all love kindred spirits. It not only gives them someone to do it with, but they can also con themselves that if others are doing it, it must be fine.
You are the enemy, you aren't into it. You're on another planet. You're wrong mate!
You wont get anywhere in a hurry with this guy. He's nowhere near ready to sort HIMSELF out.
I find it hard to understand how someone loves an alcoholic, drug addict or any addict because its a one way, usually abusive, expensive street. But I understand its easy for me to say I guess.
Good luck with whatever you do.
C xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): You cannot have a relationship with an alchoholic. He is in love only with drink. Leave him and save yourself, to stay is to enable him to continue to drink and be functional.
He is not choosing life or choosing a love relationship. His ability to make choices is gone.....he is deep into his addiction. Think of it this way, it is changing him at the cellular level and this is a progressive disease, it only gets worse until he stops forever. A pickle can never be a cucumber again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Who says you can't walk away? Trust me, if that's what you feel like doing you should do it. The drink will always be more important to him than you are.
If you send me a PM I can give you plenty more advice too long and drawn out to put here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): You cannot have a relationship with an alchoholic. He is in love only with drink. Leave him and save yourself, to stay is to enable him to continue to drink and be functional.
He is not choosing life or choosing a love relationship. His ability to make choices is gone.....he is deep into his addiction. Think of it this way, it is changing him at the cellular level and this is a progressive disease, it only gets worse until he stops forever. A cucumber can never be a pickle again.
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