A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am worried about my marriage. My husband is very negative, introspective and moany. He hardly ever looks forward to or shares excitement about anything. He's really focussed on nitty gritty things like not wasting water, how many times we flush the loo, not letting the kettle boil too much. I find him very oppressive and I can feel my love for him evaporating. I know I'm not showing much affection but then I'm not really feeling like I want to show him any. I'm pregnant wtih our second child and I want our marriage to work. Yet I don't feel like we've got that much in common anymore. He loves wildlife, trains, nature etc whereas I love the theatre, reading and I'm interested in spirituality whereas he isn't at all. Yet he is a good father and a good husband - he doesn't play around, stay out late, gamble etc. He can be very kind and considerate at times. How can I get the love back? I know I can't change him but I do want things to change for the better Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 October 2008):
 I'm worried about the amount of times the kids flush the toilet what with having a water metre, we're in a recession hun! You're pregnant and he's stressing he cant afford to support you all. At the moment I think we are all depressed at the cost of everything rising. Its hard to look forward to going to the theatre when theres no spare money in the pot.
Do you work? Are all the financial responsibilities down to him? I'm a single parent and its all down to me, and yes, at the moment, I'm stressed and probably moany too I expect my kids will say.
Not sure how you can get the guy to not stress if he worries about money at the moment. Its like asking someone to not worry about a huge lump on their body that they are waiting for a biopsy on. Its worrying times and not going to get any better for some time yet.
Its a tricky one.
C xxxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Firstly a person can not be negative, they can have what you consider negative thoughts but they can't be negative.
This is important because if your talking to a depressed person telling them they are negative is saying they are less than zero, this is what they hear.
Also there is nothing wrong with saving money, my wife regularly pays £3for a sandwich and around the same for a coffee over a year it adds up to a good holiday for me and the kids, but try telling her that and your just being tight.
Forget his money saving and get out more, camping would be good for him and you if can brave it. Insist on picking the next outing, maybe to the theater.
Also one of you has to make the first move with the affection, if you both think it's not your move then the relationship is doomed.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Your husband may be stressed or even depressed. Try to get him to talk to you to open up about what is on his mind, and sometimes you have to behave your way to feelings......so start acting your old self and affectionate towards him.
Being pregnant, you may also be projecting some of your mood onto things....you are viewing your husband through your filter after all, not his....you may be feeling a bit depressed from your fluctuating hormones....talk to your doctor about how you are feeling too..
People don't have to have things in common to be in love...you can have different interests and be a couple, but it does help if you can find some common interests or a big interest that you can share together, perhaps the nature thing, how can you not appreciate nature?
First and foremost you need to talk to your husband.
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