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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:good day, please advise on my problem.I have a boyfriend of 3 years that i love so much and we have a baby 18 months baby boy, we had our ups and downs in our relationship but we always talk about them and solve them. I just recently found out that he might have Impregnated another girl, I found their sms conversations, they talking about doing Paternity test for the baby as my boyfriend only found out she was pregnant when she was 7 months pregnant only, thats why he did not believe her that the baby its His. (that was the conversation in short). Im deepely hurt, disappointed and still feel like im dreaming, someone can just woke me up :-(. On the other side I want to Support my Boyfriend Emotionally as he said that it was a mistake and he want to be with me still. I have talked to the other girl, she was rude at first but my Boyfriend made it clear to her that he still want to be with me, even if the baby its His, and atleast that girl has stopped harrassing me with phone calls and swearing me. I want to believe my Boyfriend but am a little bit Confused right now. I love him so much and i know and feel that he loves me too, adn want to be with me.....am i naive? please advise Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2016): No.....if you love you love him you dont need to give up you must fight for what is yours
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): I do understand what you are going through as i have gone through it myself.The feeling of anger and betrayal can make you make choices that you will regret for the rest of your life.Points to consider before leaving him: men a serial cheaters,everywhere you go there is a woman crying because of her man's cheating ways.My bet is..if you leave him now and move to the next one,he will probably cheat on you also and before you know it..you'll be having hundreds of men in your bed because every time they stray you dump them.Follow your heart and sometimes mistakes makes a person realize how much you mean to them.After all,love conquers all and the person who tells you to dump him wont do it if and when she encounters the same problem.Work things out with your man if he is willing to save the relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): you should really think about changing the status of your relationship, i.e. end the relationship even though you have a 18 month old boy together. think about what your life will look like if this other woman's baby is his and you stay with him. There will always be 3 people in your relationship - you, him and her. And you can't cut her out of your life because she is the mother of his (other) child. Him and her are a family now too, if the baby is his. the fact that the other woman was screaming and swearing at you shows that he had told her things that led her to believe he was hers. She definitely did not see him as just a one-night-stand, if she did she wouldnt' care that you're in the picture. She obviously believed that him and her had something more substantial going, maybe he made promises to her about the future. this just shows that no matter what you think of your relationship, your bf is not loyal to you. Is this the life you want to lead? as much as it hurts to lose your relationship now just like that in the blink of an eye, think about how much more painful it will be to continue on with this relationship now that things have forever changed. you will never know if he's sleeping with yet more women too, whether or not he has more kids. you could get STI's from him. even if he doesn't impregnate yet more women (or impregnate this same woman a second time in the future), you won't know if he's still sleeping around.people make mistakes and should be forgiven BUT I dont' believe that cheating and certainly having babies with someone else is just a mistake, it's life altering to everyone involved. He just changed YOUR life, and you want to emotionally support him??
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female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 LISTEN TO HONEYPIE AND KATIEKATE - THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.
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female
reader, katiekate +, writes (29 February 2012):
 DUMP HIM! And then file for child support.
You say "I know and feel that he loves me and wants to be with me". Sorry to be blunt, but if that were true, he wouldn't have had sex with someone else. If you keep him around after this, you are basically telling him that it's ok to treat you like dirt, and trust me- it WILL happen again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): I think you have decided that you would rather keep him than lose him. I think he has had a very very big shock and also does not want to lose you and your child.I think you should go with your heart and get through this with him, and stay together as a family.A LOT of people on here will say 'oh, he betrayed you!! Get rid of him!!' - but life is not like that. We shouldn't just throw people out if they make a mistake. We should first decide whether we want to throw them out, and punish ourselves as well, losing them. I think you should work through this. For the sake of your child, and for you. But you MUST make it clear to him that it was his first and last infidelity. And I think you have done very well to meet the woman, etc. - you have been very very fair. You sound like a very nice person. He will have to contribute to the life of the other child, if it is his - but he can stay at home with you and be yours. That is the best solution, I think.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Really? There's a question in your mind what to do in this situation? That should really bother you that there *is* a question.
Let me lay out the facts, unhindered by emotional wavering and chemically induced pining:
1. He's been cheating on you and having sex with another person.
2. He most likely got her pregnant.
3. Even if he didn't get her pregnant, he had sex with her. He put his penis into her vagina and ejaculated. You were the farthest thing from his thoughts.
4. Emotionally supporting HIM?? He's not caring about you. He's caring about himself, and being with you adds more benefit to him than not being with you.
5. He treats girls like semen receptacles. This "other woman" he had his way with and then dumped unceremoniously had feelings for him, or she wouldn't have been swearing at you. He had sex with her, and then disavowed her as being nothing to him.
Your 18 month old kid shouldn't be a factor on whether to stay with him. He didn't stop to consider you or your child. He's toxic, bad, and you should break up with him. He doesn't get EMOTIONALLY supported while dealing with the consequences of cheating on you! For you to do so is outrageous! Absolutely outrageous!
Drop. This. Guy.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 February 2012):
 Bottom line is whether or not she is pregnant, he cheated on you, right? So you have to decide if he's worth keeping. Can you handle things if it turns out the child is his? Even if its not....he cheated. I personally wouldn't. The reason I say that is that now I'm older I realize that if a man cheats once, more than likely he'll cheat again. When I was younger, yes I did forgive a guy for cheating on me. And sure enough, he turned around and cheated again. I learned the hard way. I'm not saying your boyfriend will cheat again...but he's done it once, right? You dont say how you find out about the sms conversation..did he tell you, or did you just find out? Yes people do make mistakes but has he made a mistake that you can forgive? That's what you have to ask yourself. Good luck, I hope it works out the way you want it to.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 February 2012):
 If the DNA test comes back and the baby is not his, I would consider keeping him around. However if that is his baby, he would be my ex-bf in a minute.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2012): Your question; "Am I naive?" apparently has an answer of "definitely, yes.."
If he loves you, why would he sleep with another woman and got her pregnant? HE DISRESPECT YOU
Do you even think they only sleep once?
And is she the only woman who's sleeping and having his kids?
Maybe he would say "sorry babe, it was only for fun coz my love is only for you" and then showing more love to you like he really wants to be with you, but trust me, it's all just to cover his huge mistake. It's a manipulation.
U don't deserve this!
I knew you love him but don't let it blind you. Don't be a weak because of love. Love isn't made to weaken you, but to strengthen you. open up your eyes, leave him! Think about your future with your baby.
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reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (29 February 2012):
 It sounds like you're a very sweet, open young woman. Unfortunately these sort of behaviors are difficult to change in men. If they aren't faithful, there is little you can do to make him stop. There may have also been other instances of him straying from you, and you may never know about it.The bottom line is that he is dishonest, and he may never change. You do not deserve to be cheated on and hurt and pulled through emotional turmoil. I understand that you love him and want to stick it out for your baby, but it may not be healthy for you or the baby if there is going to be a lot of distress in the home.You also have to consider that this puts you at risk for acquiring an STI/STD if he is having unprotected sexual contact with other women. Not to mention all of the emotional damage and loss of trust.You can try to forgive and forget if you feel that he means enough to you, but this sort of deceiving and mistrustful environment will inevitably have a negative impact on you, and possibly your child.Much love and Best wishes
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reader, landomando +, writes (29 February 2012):
Wow... I texted a girl drunk and my GF dumped mee... and your BF knocked up another girl and you want to support him... I cant even believe you are considering staying with him. How does he show he wants to be with you? Hes cheating on you.... I dont even get why that girl was harassing you. You have like the right!!!/ almost legal obligation to beat her ass!!!! yet shes mad at you.... I cant tell if the water im drinking at 7 in the mourning is water, or am i supper drunk and reading this wrong... Also a "mistake" would be like writing an essay in pen when it should be in pencil, rolling past a stop sign without stopping, chewing gum without realizing you cant with braces on"....... What your "BF" did was not a mistake!!!... Unless he meant his mistake was not putting a condom on then yaa thats a mistake..... l o l
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