A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We had a very very different relationship. We were always fine, we argued alot but never anything more really. He is bipolar, very badly. He lives with his mom. He has been to a councelor but stopped going, he has medication but he wont take them, unless he is trying to get high off of them. when he is in a good mood, he is the most perfect boyfriend but when he gets mad, I am the one that he take everything out on. H ehas no job so sometimes, when he gets mad, it takes all day. He hits me, he has stabbed me (not big, but enough to bleed), he mentally abuses me, calls me names, tells me im worthless, tells me hes gonna kill me and my family. I know he would never do it though. Unless I leave him. I care about my family and his family and I will not leave him because I am not going to put his or my family in jeapordy. I would rather just take all the shit, instead of me leaving him and then having everyone else suffer. Im not selfish. I just need advice. I feel myself slowly dying of stress. Please help me! Before its too late. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): I understand where you are all coming from and I thank you very much for your advice. I havent talked to him in 3 days. I have talked to one of his family members and they said that he started taking his pills 3 days ago. If he goes to jail, he will just kill himself and then I would never be able to live with myself. If I do a pick-up call, then they only have him "Evaluated" and then when he gets out, he will be even more pissed and will flip out when he gets out. I feel that my only other option is just to not see him until he has been taking his pills again for a while and seeing a councelor... That is the only thing that I feel that I can do...
-broken
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Hello friend
STOP and LISTEN to us ALL and act on the advice. you are right you need advice and you need help . YOU CAN NOT HELP HIM IF YOU STAY WITH HIM, but above all you cannot help YOU or your family.
You are young and do not obviously understand the seriousness of your situation or his, he is ill and what is more, you don't know what long term abuse will do to you. you say you are dying of stress, stick around and it will feel much worse than what you feel now as time goes on.( sorry) He will not love you any more for staying ,so if this is what you hope for, it will not happen. Most abusive relationships have what is called Honeymoon Periods! which is what you have in the good times.they kick,spit,punch then when they have crushed you and broke your spirit a little more ,they will love you and treat you so special. This my friend is where the confusion comes in. your perception will change you will no longer know right from wrong, or how you really feel inside ,you will say sorry for HIS abuse,and you will loose yourself. and yes you will want to stay the faithful loyal partner who is proving her love to him. I Promise you ,you will get no rewards for your selfless devotion. And actually it could well be selfish for you to stay, because your family eventually would see how this relationship is destroying you and they will suffer because you suffer. He needs to get help he is NOT YOUR responsibility, you are your responsibility and you will never ever ever be able to change him ever! so get this out of your mind if it is there. only he can help himself obviously with medical intervention. You must end this relationship unless you are willing to be BROKEN mind, body and spirit, it will happen if you stay, and if my advice has scared you a little, i make no apologies for the truth if it wakes you up to saving YOURSELF before it is too late. Help yourself and talk to people who will guide you away from this nightmare. I wish you well and my thoughts will be with you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Somehow, I'm posting before I've got the full answer ready. Here's the info on the website/hotline I provided for you. What can you lose by calling it?
24-hour-a-day hotline, Provides crisis intervention and referrals to local services and shelters for victims of partner or spousal abuse. English and Spanish speaking advocates are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Staffed by trained volunteers who are ready to connect people with emergency help in their own communities, including emergency services and shelters. The staff can also provide information and referrals for a variety of non-emergency services, including counseling for adults and children, and assistance in reporting abuse. They have an extensive database of domestic violence treatment providers in all US states and territories. Many staff members speak languages besides English, and they have 24-hour access to translators for approximately 150 languages. For the hearing impaired, there is a TDD number. This is a great resource for anyone--man, woman or child--who is experiencing or has experienced domestic violence or abuse, or who suspects that someone they know is being abused.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
Phone 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).
Website www.ndvh.org
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
Honey, you do need help, but you have to ask the right people. We'll just tell you to leave him. There is no way to 'fix' him so that he will be good, gentle and kind. Sorry, that is the cold hard truth.
Did you even look at this website? Call the number? Get a referral? If not, why not?
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Hi Sweetheart
Ive been out today with my friend who is manic depressed love he takes his medication because he knows it is the best form of treatment and he does not want to hurt others, He is always asking if he has said the wrong thing for fear of hurting peoples feelings..This person has been through hell and back...Your b/f needs to take his medication he knows this, It is not an excuse to abuse you threaten you or keep you..I no were you are coming from my dad has cancer as well and I will do anything to protect him but Ive been very badly abused and when he found out as I didnt say anything for fear of hurting him he was heartbroken that I had gone through that all alone..I wouldnt go through it again no one would lay a hand on me ever again and my husband was ill or so he played the ill card shall we say..Its no excuse to hurt another because you are hurting..Im telling you to walk away while you can, He has the opption to take this medication but he chooses to hurt you he chooses to take it out on you the person who is there for him. Hunny with all the love in my heart please walk away and get help for you, My husband told me many times he was going to kill me and he tryed in the end it took 15 police officers armed to get me out of the house and 5 hrs to arrest him, Dont take threats like that not serious no matter how ill your b/f is its up to him to seek help and all the help will be given to him that he needs what about you..If you can honestly think of any other opptions you wouldnt be asking for help, Your lost stuck and very unhappy and in danger, If something happened to you how would your father feel then sweetheart. He is emotionally blackmailing you by threatening to hurt your family and its scaring you to death, Dont stay leave please love....
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/bipolarmanicdepression/bipolardisorder.aspx
If you need a chat message me anytime PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Honey,
You know the part in the safety demontrations on aircrafts where they tell you about the oxygen masks? They always tell you to put it on YOURSELF first, even if you have a child with you, because you are the responsible adult in charge, and if you can't take care of your child if you are unconscious.
You are the responsible adult in this relationship. It ISN'T Selfish for you to want to be in a normal, loving relationship. It IS Selfish of you NOT to take care of yourself for your Mom and Dad and the rest of your family, all the people that actually love you.
He has issues that you can't fix, Hunny, and you need to get far away from him and Take Care Of Yourself. Do whatever you have to, including leaving town for a while, to end this abusive relationship. Good Luck, BE STRONG and you are in my prayers.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Dying of stress is one thing, bleeding to death from a stab wound is another. Listen to the excellent advice you've been given. If you don't get out now, it will be your own fault if something happens. Move.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): My dad has cancer, and if I told him what is going on, he will just be under even more stress, plus I know he would try to kill him. That is how my dad is. No body hurts his daughter. And my mom is a drug addict. She will just make things worse and try to call the cops which WILL NOT work. If he goes to jail, he has people that will come after me. And his family knows. His father abused him his mom and his brother the exact same way that he is abusing me. His father has a new life now and wants nothing to do with his kids or his ex wife. My boyfriends mom knows what goes on. She is always in the next room when this shit happens. she cant do anything because she knows that he will just take her actions out on me because he has before. There is no one else I can turn to. That is why I came here for advice. Please.... I dont know what to do.- broken
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
Hi, I have to agree with Ask oldersister that he is practicing emotional blackmail on you. This is not a healthy relationship, nor is he a mentally healthy man. He needs to get back into treatment, take his meds and take some responsibility for his own mental health. He's using you as an excuse and a punching bag.
I know that this is very difficult for you and you have asked us for help. The best way that I can help you is to get you to help yourself. Contact this organization to get some concrete advice on coping with this situation. Also, they can provide referrals for you locally.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help. This is not your fault, this is not of your doing. You are helpless to get him to change, he has to do that himself, but you are not helpless in getting yourself out of this relationship that WILL HURT you, and really cause problems for you later in life.
Tell your family about what has been going on, they can provide support too, assuming that your family is not dysfunctional.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Phone 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233).
Website www.ndvh.org.
Please do contact them, and let us know how that goes.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, scrazy +, writes (15 July 2008):
 YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM.
TODAY.
His mental illness IS not an excuse for his behaviour; I'm manic depressive (which is basically the same thing as biopolar disorder) and never ONCE would I physically hurt another person even when I was taking myself off my medication.
Sweetie, this guy needs more help then just YOU can give him. I realize that you love him and it's so selfless of you to put up with everything he's going through but you need to get out of this relationship.
It's doing no good for either of you, you are NOT his punching bag to take his problems out on and if he was truly the perfect boyfriend he would WORK to fight this mental illness and not give into urges like beating you!
Break up with him. Tell him it's no longer working out and you are NOT going to sit around and let him break you down any longer.
You are under no obligation to stay with him, are you reading this? NO OBLIGATION. If Love isn't enough reason for him to NOT hurt you, then it shouldn't be enough reason for you to stay with him.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
That is a link , I think you should use. There is two numbers at the top - It's the National Teen Dating Abuse Helplines. Please use them.
And please get out of this relationship, its NO good for you, this boy will KILL you if you stay. Please understand, no one can help him but himself.
Tell your parents what's happening. And your friends - they can help you as well, they may not completely understand but if your boyfriend tries to come after you, you're going to need protection.
Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.
All the Best
XO
scrazy
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