A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I dated a man for a year and everything was good. We spent a lot of time together. It seemed that we couldn't get enough of each other. After a year of being together we started to have problems. Nothing like cheating on each other just disagreements. We also lacked in communication with each other. As I noticed that was a problem I tried to communicate more but it didn't do any good. I will admit, I had my faults and he did to, but it seemed that we would have silly arguments more as the relationship progressed. One day we had a very bad misunderstanding and he told me that the relationship was damaged. I asked him what did he mean by damaged and he would not give me a clear explanation. I gave him a little time to himself, hoping that he would come back, but he never did. I was devastated. He never gave me a reason why he broke it off with me. We did everything together like talk on the phone four times a day and spent a lot of time together going places. That's what I miss the most. I seen him and I asked him could we talk to just be friends and he said ok. Til this day I never received that talk. It use to be hard to see him out, but now I just block it out of my mind. It's hard for me because I really do still love him and miss him dearly. When I see him he will stare at me, but don't say nothing. Now he acts like he don't even know me like we didn't have a relationship. It takes everything I have not to go off on him because it's hard to be a ex's friend when he didn't even tell you why he wanted out. It's hard for me to be his friend when we was together. I could understand it more if he just told me that he didn't want me anymore because you can get over that quicker.I'm ok with the break up, but I don't know why I still love him when it's been 5 months since we been together.I have been in other relationships and got over them quickly. I didn't think twice about them. Why do I still have feelings for him? When he stares at me does that mean that he could still have feelings for me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I stood on the shoulders of another aunt, Oldersister. Hmmm, who could that be? ;D
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2008):
Ask oldersister has given you some great advice. I can only add this suggestion to it. You need to work up a healthy, cleansing burst of anger at this guy. I know I'd be furious with him if I was in your place.
Let's see, he's never contacted you for the 'talk' and now he pretends that you never existed in his life? He stares like some demented nutcase but never talks to you? What the...?
He's some kind of coward and you're letting him get to you in this way. Five months, and he just stares at you, ignores you otherwise, you need to mentally whup this guy upside his brainless head, which sits on his spineless back, which supports his yellow belly and his shaved legs. Okay, I just threw in the shaved legs to get a laugh out of you, but the rest of him is pretty much as described.
Seriously, whatever happened between you obviously was a big deal to him, and he has chosen the easy way out for himself. You need to structure your own closure, mentally, and do what is so easy to type here, but so hard to do in reality, MOVE ON. Ignore him first, don't even look at him, do the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind thing and erase him from your memory chip. You could hold a little ceremony for yourself where you tear up and cut up and destroy any pictures you have of him, any personal belongings he may have left behind in his rush to get away from you. Sometimes rituals like this help with the loss.
Good luck with the data loss plan!!
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A
female
reader, texaskitty +, writes (15 July 2008):
In my opinion what he did to you was mean and not nice. He knows that he left you in the lurch of not knowing why he broke it off with you - and that was cruel and mean. You are thinking "what did I do?" -- Well don't play into that hand - please that is he hand he wants you to play into b/c he sounds like someone who wants to hurt you -- a reasonable man, even an immature one would say that they just didn't want to be involved anymore b/c "they didn't feel the same way: - saying the "relationship is damaged" is totally obscure and of no meaning - What in heck is that supposed to mean? Damaged by what? The Sun? (Sorry but you have to add some humor to these things. He is staring at you? Again, hello? I would nicely confront him with a letter or otherwise and say ... "I remember you said that you ended things with me b/c the relationship was damaged. I can't think for a moment what happened that would have caused that. I didn't do anything wrong. Just to help me move on and learn from my mistakes, can you at least tell me what happened or occurred that "damaged" the relationship - its not that I want to get back together with you I just want to learn by my mistakes for the future so as not to repeat them.." If he flat out refuses to give you any inclination then he is being mean and cruel and that would be enough for me to bury the hatchet for good with him - and when he stares at you make sure you look the other way and don't play into that card. Purposefully avoid eye contact if he isn't going to be kind to you. Best case scenario he will tell you that someone told him something that you did that really changed his mind about you and you will have an oppurtunity to defend yourself. Good luck.
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