A
female
age
30-35,
*mk20
writes:I don't know what to my bf hit me last night and here i am sitting here wish he was here with me i still love him but should i be missing him this much? i hate it he just moved in with me and i was in a abusive relationship with my daughters dad and i left him. now i am lost and confused i hate not knowing whats gonna happen next i don't have much support from my family they always blame me for what goes wrong.
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 I am sorry your bf hit you. That’s always a shock and very upsetting. Now what happens is up to you truly.
OF COURSE YOU MISS HIM…. It’s NORMAL to miss him. While he did something heinous and evil, most of what you miss is the stuff that was good and right… and you hope that this one time action will go away and never happen again… you have my permission to miss the man you thought he was. You have my permission to mourn the loss of a what you had HOPED was a good relationship. But what you are missing and mourning are not the reality. The reality is that he hit you and it puts both you and your daughter in danger should he do it again. IF you can’t manage to be strong enough to protect yourself, please consider your child and protect her from not only being abused but seeing you being abused and growing up thinking it’s OK for men to hit their partners..
You are very young. Your last partner was also abusive so that I think you need to look to see if there is a pattern of the types of men you choose….
He had just moved in and the first thing he did basically was get comfortable enough to let down his guard and his false behavior and become himself… abuse is not to be tolerated.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 Suppose I tell you: No, you should not be missing your abuser . It's not right, not healthy, not rational, not this not that. And ?. It is what it is : you miss him.
Miss him all you want, the most important thing is that you don't let him come near you or your daughter anymore ever. You miss him and you'll miss him for a while ( hopefully not that long ). Make your peace with that . Missing things and people -i.e. elaborating losses- is a normal part of life. I miss so many things : dead relatives, friends who have moved to the other end of the worls, I miss living in New York, I miss my cat Boris, I miss the young hot body I had when I was 20 . Missing makes me wistful some times, but never unhappy. The past is past, it's gone. Focus on your present, and on all you've STILL got. Like ? Like YOU- your health, your safety, your pride, your dignity, your chances for an happy future and better , healthy relationships. All thing that the abusive guy was seriously endangering.
So miss him,if you have to- but don't ever open the door for a bad past to come back.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 March 2012):
 You should stay away from that man. In an abusive relationship it is typical of the abuser to have broken his victim down, you will miss him perhaps because you fear he is the only one who accepts you anymore. This is not the case. He is only the one who hurt you. Just keep yourself and your daughters safe and perhaps seek a restraining order.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): No man should ever hit a woman.get away from him or you will find yourself in another abusive relationship like the one you left.he's no good
...............................
|
