A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thanksMy bf and I have been together for a year. He hired a maid to clean his house and now can't afford to pay her. He asked if I could help. I don't even have a maid. I'm surprised, hes healthy and quite capable of cleaning his own house.I said no of course. I'm just shocked at his audacity. Hes now acting like because I have money that I should help. This is not a necessity. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2021): Hmmmm. Maybe I am a tad suspicious, but did the thought ever cross your mind that he wants you to pay for her, now that he can't afford to, because he wants to keep her around? For SOME reason? What is that reason? Does he like the maid? Have a sexual interest? Is trying to build a rapport for something more? WHO KNOWS!!!!???
But I do know one thing for sure. He is not worth keeping. It is clear to me he is not truly committed to this relationship nor does he respect you.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (20 October 2021):
 Good for you!It sounds like you handled this perfectly, so there really isn't anything for you to do. You don't have to convince your boyfriend, and he doesn't have to like it.I would act normal around him, but if he's going to brood about it, then be upbeat, matter of fact and blunt: he can call you when he's in a better mood.Then keep busy, go about your business as you normally would. Have fun, read a book, whatever. Just don't allow yourself to get angry with him. That means you've lost power. Once he sees you'll say what you need to say without getting upset, he'll realise he has no power over you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2021): Buy him a sponge and give it to him as a breakup ‘gift’.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (19 October 2021):
 He sounds extremely entitled. Just because you have money (which you obviously work for) does not mean you have to spend it on his whims. If he can't afford a maid, then he should learn to clean up his own mess.
I would view this incident as a huge red flag. A vast proportion on relationships break up due to financial disagreements. If he is already showing such entitled views, this does not bode well for your future. Think carefully about whether you want to invest any more time in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 October 2021):
 Your boyfriend sounds like a spoiled brat. I'd tell him to either stop being so messy or find another job to pay for his maid. In no way shape or form should you pay for his cleaning service or anything else for that matter just because he thinks you have the money. I'd seriously consider whether this guy is worth it. He sort of sounds like a gold digger. I'm sure you can do better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2021): Stick to your guns. You don't have to pay for his indulgences, habits, or services that he can't afford. If he gets angry or turns on you for refusing; then reassess the sincerity and quality of your relationship. Even if you can afford to, that's not up to him to decide for you.
Generosity is strictly voluntary; not demanded or forced out of you. It's unmanly and inappropriate to ask your girlfriend to pay your bills. If she wants to chip-in, or happens to be a live-in who shares all the living-expenses; you can ask, but not insist for help with added unnecessary expenses. Otherwise, no means no. Pouting is for babies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 October 2021):
 Good grief!
From what you write it doesn't sound like you two live together (so that is what I will presume).
If he wants a maid to clean his house, THAT is a cost HE will have to be responsible for. (as in, PAY).
Having a maid is NOT a necessity. It's a luxury. He can't afford it, so he needs to CLEAN his own home now.
It is NOT your responsibility. Financially or otherwise. NONE.
Even if you were living together, married, shared finances, etc, you STILL wouldn't BE responsible to pay for a LUXURY like having a maid. Unless you didn't want to do any chores yourself or shared chores. Then I'd say:" well if you don't want to share chores, paying for a maid would make sense".
PS I need new winter tires, so can you pay for mine? I mean, you have money, right?
*wink*
That was a joke :) You have only dated a year. YOU are in no way, shape or form OBLIGATED to help him financially. With anything.
Now let's say he had his wallet stolen and he had no access for a day or two/three to his bank and you made sure he had some cash for gas/food THAT would make sense. That would be OK to help with. He could then PAY you back later.
But for you to PAY for his maid? WTAF!!
OP, how sure are you that this guy is right for you? He seems a "bit" entitled to YOUR money.
I'd say you can do better....
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 October 2021):
 Advice? dump him. See A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
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