A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal in a relationship for your partner to have the odd day where they don't contact you at all? My boyfriend hasn't texted me at all today you see. I have this romantic ideal where the guy beats a path to your door all the time but I don't know if I am being unrealistic or that is the way it should be? I keep thinking that maybe he isn't into me if he doesn't text me everyday.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I am the original poster of the question - we have been boyfriend/girlfriend for 3 months. At first he was texting me all the time, in fact I would have said too much. We got to a level which was nice, maybe once/twice a day (which I told him) since we live a distance away from each other and I want to feel connected to him when we are apart. I am most definitely not into text marathons whatsoever. I am one of those seemingly rare girls who actually likes her space, but my concern was that he is getting into this 'now I've got her I don't have to make any effort' mode. We have heaps of alone time as we only see each other once a week. In my previous relationships I have been used to speaking to my partner every day. I guess it is just a case of adjusting.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): People are saying that one text a day leads to no alone time?? That is what is unrealistic. If you're in a real relationship & you haven't just started seeing eachother, you should BOTH make an effort to communicate ever day, even if it is just 1 text a day. But you should not expect him to be the only one making the effort.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): How long have you been together?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I don't like texting because it means I don't have any peace. I always feel I have to respond to order and it causes offence when I am busy and don't - which I resent. It means nothing. Either I am very busy at work, out shopping, thinking my own thoughts, not wanting to be disturbed etc etc. I really hate it when people want me to have text marathons. It is like saying hang on you over there, you have no right to your freedome and down-time, what about Me Me Me? I prefer to see people face to face. Men don't spend a lot of time chatting on the phone to friends and I think they are therefor not always so keen on the texts. I don't think it means a single thing about your boyfriends feelings so if I would you I would not expect him to text you. Stop worrying about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I think it depends on your relationship, how close you are and how serious it is between you two. I don't think you are being unrealistic. I hate it when I don't hear from my boyfriend all day especially when I haven't seen him for a while, obviously if hes busy you should give him a break but the way I see it, whats two minutes on his lunch break or even a coffee break to send a quick text just to say hes thinking about you? Just a quick "Hey baby hope you are having a good day xxx" would show that hes thinking about you, even if he doesn't have time to talk properly. I don't think you are being unreasonable but I figure guys just don't see it the way we do, they probably think about us but expect us to know that they do and figure they don't need to tell us for us to know that. And it's a dilemma for me because I want to hear from him but I don't want to seem needy if he wants a bit of space. I think the best option is to just wait for him. If it's been AGES maybe send a little text saying "hope ur having a good day" or something none committed, showing you are thinking about him but your not obsessing eg- "WHY haven't you called me? don't you like me anymore????" etc. Just try and relax and let him talk to you when he wants to. Then theres no pressure on him and he won't feel like he HAS to text you, but he'll do it because he WANTS to. Hope I helped. xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Just a Girl... +, writes (7 September 2007):
 i think that everyone is different. i dnt need to hear from or contact my boyfriend everyday but i undersatand that he is the oposite. i thikn its about reassurance really isnt it?? he needs to be reasured and perhaps thats how you feel. your partner may be like me and feels comfatable in not havin a constant link to the other person xxx try not to worry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): he is being very unreasonable,he should txt you everyday,if only to say good morning or goodnight,atleast you know he`s thought of you as boyfriends usually do
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 Hi,Stop stressing for nothing. Your bf may just be busy, you cant jump to the conclusion that he is not interested in you.Have you tried texting him? The fact that he may be busy does not mean that he does not love you either. Just hane in there. If this is really buggin you then you should speak to him and then you would know the real reson why, im sure that would put your mind at ease.Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Hi - I am the original poster of the question. I would never want to be with someone 24/7 - that would drive me mad. We have plenty of alone time as we live some distance apart and only see each other once a week at the weekend. I actually really need my space too, but I just think when you are apart you should be able to spare a few minutes of your day to text your partner. I think so many relationships fail because people are so busy and they say they can't invest even two minutes to text their partner. I think it is a sad reflection of todays world, but I appreciate that maybe I am being unrealistic.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (7 September 2007):
I know every other person so far as told you you are being unrealsitic, but I beg to differ.
I can understand the point that people need there space and need alone time etc...however you can still send a message or quickly call your partner each day just to say something like 'hey how are you? i love you...' or whatever it may be. Personaly I have always been like this with my few bfs ive hadand they have always been the same. Usualy in the early stages we wont contact each other that much but then as we grow together it becomes more often, to the point where we talk atleasto ne day.
I dont see why this is bad. I mean if you get married and move in together well, you would have to say atleast hello to each other every day right? if you refused to see your partner when living together basicaly because you need your 'space' well then thats just rude.
I think that no matter HOW busy someone is, they should be able to find a few mins of there day for there loved one.
However just because your bf isnt doing all this, doesnt mean he dosnt love you or isnt interested. He could be one of 'those' people who dont feel the need to see how you are every day. It just comes down to every individual person.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (7 September 2007):
You are being completely unrealistic. I expect this question from someone half your age. People get busy. It happens. You get busy, don't you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): You ARE being unrealistic. In the first few weeks or couple of months it often happens that you talk every day - he calls or texts. However, this is partly a means of trying to get acquainted and establish the relationship on a solid footing.Do you have any reason to think he might be losing interest? Does he still want to spend time with you when you both can, and is it enjoyable, comfortable? Think about it. It will give you a clue.Don't know how long you have been dating; but you should expect not necessarily to hear from him every day - and you can feel free to send him a text yourself, or pick up the phone and call him. Should be on an equal basis, if things are going well.One thing really important is to recognize that you have a life of your own, and so does he.Its normal that there will be times when you are busy with stuff of your own - work, friends, hobbies, etc., and that he will be too.The idea of being in one another's pockets 24/7 (or feeling that you need to be) is ultimately a death knell.Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): You're being unrealistic. A relationship with no alone time tends to suffocate the best of people.
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