A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a 42 yr old bf we dating for two years now i moved in with him in his town.i found a job in that area.he has been working 23 yrs at this company and had three wives within this company he tells everyboy what happens in his affairs most of the women knows his business he is very goodlooking and he is over friendly with his female colleages he has no male friends he has lunch with only females much younger than himself like twenty years younger.I learnt all this these colleagues treat him like he is their lapdog sends him around it annoys me.I am an accountant he works with many staff night shift he had affairs with some colleagues as well.He has them on his whatsapp and facebook.they only friends he says.I saw on his cell he has many other women on his cell and all his ex wives too.This is driving me insane.One female co -worker wished him inappropiately on his facebook.i got annoyed.I told him you are at work why dont she wish you at work.We are marrying as soon as his divorce is complete.I love him very much and do so much for him.I told him to stay away from the young girls at work and engage with adult men at the office.Instead of engaging in female tales.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 November 2017):
 Also please remember that a healthy relationship is one whereby things flow easily and rather effortlessly.
If you find you're having to put so much effort into everything and if you're questioning so much, then this ought be a big sign that your relationship has serious issues and definitely isn't healthy.
Why stay there? Why not look elsewhere and find somebody better?
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (6 November 2017):
Somethings amiss here.
Are you sure you're not pulling our legs, trying to get a reaction out of all of us?
If not, then i'm compelled to question your sanity, because for an Accountant at 50 plus years of age, you're coming across as very naive.
Your partner, he is a serial woman chaser, who will never change.
He cannot change, because this is his life and it's all he knows.
He is addicted to the idea and the fantasy of having as many women around him and with him as possible.
In the "real world", his behaviours are going to get him into really hot water and by staying with him, by putting up with his sleazy ways, you'll always remain unhappy, unfulfilled, you won't trust him, which equals no love and no love equals no relationship.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and this fish, well, he's not the perfect catch is he?
Forget his looks, forget everything about him.
The bigger picture, i suspect, like most sane, logically minded and rational woman, you'd like to have a monogamous, happy, respectful, honest, transparent and committed relationship, but with your partner carrying on like this, do you truly expect a positive outcome?
Of course not!!
It cannot happen, not unless your partner is prepared to stop what he's doing and change his sleazy ways for the better.
He's behaving like a male escort, rather than playing the role of your committed partner.
You can say you love this guy and that you will marry him when his divorce is over with.
Are you serious??!!
Would you wish to be the next statistic, in his long line of divorces?
You very well could be, so i wouldn't advise you to marry this guy.
He will break your heart and he may just shatter it.
You're already worrying over his behaviour and you're not married yet.
You're already carrying unnecessary stress/worry and why?
Because of something that is totally preventable!
Your partner, he has no regard for you and for your feelings at all, so why give him the gift of you?
If he truly cared about you and about your relationship with him, he'd have given up all the chasing, all the attention seeking, all the women in his life and be committed to only you.
You see, mature, respectful gentlemen do not do this, they just don't.
If i were in your shoes, i'd be running for my life and i definitely wouldn't waste my precious time on such a man.
Do yourself the very best favour and break up with him.
Some day soon, you'd look back and realise that you did the right thing by you.
If you're naive enough to put up with this man, you'll spend the rest of your life feeling very unhappy and worrying needlessly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2017): He must be good in bed. Players, serial cheaters and womanizers usually are. They have tons of experience. But the sex ain't worth the headaches and the pain because of a man who is always going to make you feel bad about yourself. You will always feel lonely and not good enough. You will forever be trying to change him. And fighting him to stop behaving that way. But he can't stop and he won't stop. He is addicted to the behaviour. Yes, that's right, addicted.I am sorry. I know your heart has its own mind but no matter how perfect you are, you are never going to be good enough or just plain enough for the likes of him. It eventually destroys your self esteem. Gives you anxiety. Stress. Why would you put yourself thru all that? Why would you do this to yourself? He is not worth it.It's sad to see a man so pathetic. Most sane and intelligent women would steer clear of someone like him as he is so obviously broken and damaged. He needs counselling to figure out why he is always so desperate for female attention and why he can't seem to function without it. Without this man seeking help and actually wanting to change, you don't have a prayer. You will forever be one of the girls in his harem.He doesn't love or respect you enough to change his ways.But why would you even want him to? Knowing he's this type of a man? He is not a good guy. The kind of man one would marry. No way. He will continue forever being who he is and doing what he does. With you, the perpetual doormat by his side always lowering yourself, begging for his attention. Is that how you want to be? Begging a man for his attention? For his love? If he doesn't give it freely, you should walk away. If he does not love you enough to stay away from other women, he will never change. And you will never be able to trust him. He is not the kind of guy you ever give your trust to. Or your heart. That is suicide.I suggest you drop him cold turkey. Leave him to his fan club and move on. Don't look back. Get counselling to find out why you think so little of yourself to allow this man to treat you like shit. Women with healthy self esteem would never allow this slime to play them this way. Focus on loving yourself. Finding yourself. Healing yourself. You will never be able to do that with this clown in your life. I do hope you are not addicted to him and the drama because you are going to end up destroying yourself emotionally.I hate to see nice women suffering at the hands of a mean, selfish, cruel, manipulative user with zero self esteem.It would drive me nuts being around someone like that. Having to always worry about the competition. I'd never feel safe and feeling safe is critical in relationships. I would have to leave just for my own sanity and peace of mind. Trust me that is much more important. And when you have it back you will ask yourself why you wasted all that time and didn't walk away sooner. Your choice if you let him bring you down with him. You have the power my dear. You had it all along.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (4 November 2017):
You’re kidding right? A soon to be thrice divorced serial philanderer who openly brags about his sexual conquests and you plan to marry someone like that. You actually expect that he is going to change for you? You are delusional. You are not going to listen to anything I or any one else says but I’ll try. Dump him and dump him now. There are plenty of decent men out there dump this cheater and find one of them.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2017): Well, it doesn't sound great hun. At first I thought he might just be one of those sensitive types that relates to girls more but I don't think he's gonna change and he needs the attention for insecurity reasons..Sucks, sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2017): You're marrying someone in the midst of a divorce?!! Someone you claim to be every kind of lecherous-conniver anyone can image on two-legs!!!
Telling him to "stay away from young women," is like waving your finger at a charging bull! Empty-words carrying absolutely no weight or impact. Almost childlike in significance. You seem almost delusional about this guy!
Is saying you love him supposed make sense of why you would marry such a man??? You think you can tell an egotistical-narcissist what to do? It doesn't seem he loves you. You seem like just another member of his harem.
I'm not quite sure if your post is real or not. Sometimes people send outrageous posts, just to see if they can get us going.
Your post doesn't make any sense. Are you presently on medications for a mental-disorder or depression? If you aren't, you will be; or should be seeing a professional therapist. Something is a bit off!
I can hardly believe an accountant in her 50's could possibly be so naive.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2017):
 Why on earth are you planning to marry someone who annoys you this much? You do know he is not going to change, going through three wives already and having affairs on top off him leeching around young women surely is enough to make you run for the hills.
Yes I get you love him, and you do a lot for him, but what does he do for you? Do you trust him? Can you live the rest off your life like this? I know I couldn't.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 November 2017):
 You know all this about him and hate it yet you intend to marry him? Sister, are you crazy?
He is NOT going to change. Is that what you expected? He is who he is so you can either put up with it and spend the next few years fighting with him about it or find someone who suits you better. The fact he has had so many wives would be a huge red flag for me.
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