A
female
age
30-35,
*mptychair2
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and 1/2 years. We have been through sooo much together to develop this great relationship. In the beginning, we struggled because I was in the middle of another relationship. After that relationship ended, I struggled with getting over that guy but my boyfriend was always there for me. And finally, my boyfriend and I have moved on to happier times with each other.We saw each other a lot since we go to the same school and live around each other back home but at the beginning of this year, I'm abroad for 6 months while my boyfriend stays at school. On Valentine's Day, he sent me an e-card saying how the thought of being together for the rest of our lives puts a smile on his face and the very next day, he broke up with me. He told me because he chose his career (financial support from his dad for law school) over me, which means he doesn't love me as much as he thought he did and he doesn't know what else he is going to choose over me. And I found out that he "tried" to kill himself two times since I left and he didn't tell me times when he has been upset from me to not ruin my experience abroad. Then he sent me an email about how he needs a month to think things through and wrote "but please try and move on."He stopped talking to me and finally I got a hold of him. He told me he has transcended into a higher being and doesn't want a relationship with anyone. He wants to be alone for the rest of his life, or at least the being that he is now wants that. He said he doesn't love me but it is also too painful to talk to me because he knows all the pain he is causing me. He also said we don't connect at the same intellectual level. His friends are telling me that he hasn't been happy for awhile with the relationship...but my boyfriend never told me. An example for the unhappiness is that I didn't communicate with his friends much. I still tried to be around them, I just didn't have much to say around them and I'm a quiet person to begin with.I don't know what to think or do. This breakup was completely out of nowhere. I think he needs some space to think about what he wants and who he is, and he needs to learn to love himself. But does that mean our relationship is over? I still have hope that later down the line, we would be together again. Or maybe in law school, he will find a girl that will match his intellectual level...
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broke up, move on, my ex, needs some space Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (26 February 2011):
 I agree with Tem this guy is NOT mentally stable.
And if I understood what you wrote correctly it sounds like his dad threatened to cut him off financially if he didn't break up with you after his second suicide attempt. I don't think they blame you for this. I just think they know their son is not strong enough or mentally healthy enough to be in a relationship with anyone right now especially a long distance one.
And I think a part of your ex boyfriend realizes it as well. That is why he says he feels bad about hurting you but doesn't want to ever date again. He is sick and he knows it.
So please for both your sakes, let this guy go. There is no hope for reconsiliation or a future with him. It may hurt you to let him go but trying to hang onto to him could actually kill him.
A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (25 February 2011):
 Don't let him control your life with a "Let's talk in a month and see where we're at." You must assert yourself. I agree with mishmash. He is keeping you on the back burner in case things don't work out. This man will never give you the kind of relationship you want.
I do not believe there is any working this out that would be to your advantage. You are a very young woman. I am sure there is a nice guy out there that will treat you like you are special to him. Isn't that what we all want and need?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): He wants to talk in a month or so and see if he wants to be friends...and he's telling you to move on? Sounds like a pretty mixed message to me. He'll manipulated you if you let him. He's already told you that he doesn't care enough to stay with you...now he wants to keep you on the side just in case he changes his mind?
Do not let him humiliate you any further. Walk out and don't look back, he sounds like such a jerk.
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A
female
reader, emptychair2 +, writes (25 February 2011):
emptychair2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe mentioned that in a month or so, we can talk/be friends again...Should I let that happen? If I alienate myself from him, then there will be no hope in getting back together. And if I remain in contact with him, there is a slight chance that we can work things out, but I don't know if I can handle that emotionally.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (25 February 2011):
 He thinks to highly of himself and not only did he break up with you he also humiliated you in the process.
This decision will benefit you in the long run, so hold your head up high, deal with the heartache now, and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): You don't sound like you are intellectually inferior... but your boyfriend sounds like a drama queen. He "transcended into a higher being"? Was he abducted or something?
I know you're probably upset, but I'd cut him off. He's fallen out of love with you...it happens. He should just say that then. Or he should say that he wants to go to law school. He's managed to break up with you and make it all about himself, his feelings, and his friends...
He obviously has some esteem issues if he's suicidal, but what he is essentially saying is that he thinks he's too good for you...even though you were adequate for 2 1/2 years. He sounds massively arrogant and insensitive. I think you're better off without him. You should try to move on.
If you do get in contact with him, even as friends, suggest he get some psychological help. He sounds like he has a personality disorder.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (25 February 2011):
I have a different take on this situation. I am not a mental health professional but anyone that tries suicide twice, and changes his mood at the drop of a hat, has severe mental problems in my book.
The things he is telling you don't make much sense. In fact, they sound pretty crazy to me. He told you the thought of living with you for the rest of his life put a smile on his face and the next day he said it was over? He has transcended into a higher being and wants to be alone for the rest of his life?
I agree with him. You don't connect on the same mental level - He's crazy and you're not. You can do much better than this guy. He is not life partner material. He is too emotionally volatile. He is too mentally unstable. You would be setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery. Count yourself lucky that he chose his daddy's money over a relationship with you. The guy is a loser.
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A
female
reader, -Lonely +, writes (25 February 2011):
I think you should just say "okay" and let him go. I know it will be hard and it will be a grieving process for the loss of him, but he sounds like he thinks he is above you. Do you really want a guy like that? Again, I know the person you have grown to love was not this person that he is now, but clearly he is changing.
If he loves you, he will come back, but don't wait around. If he does come back, then you can access how you feel at that time.
Whatever you do, try not to be clingy, as we women tend to do to try to fix it. If there is something there, he will be back. Just me.
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A
male
reader, philipk769  +, writes (25 February 2011):
It sounds like hes making a big step im his life. Hes going to law school, and pehaps sees himself as above you. This is a terrible mistake for him to make. If this is the case; What goes up, must come down. It was downright nasty to say that you are of a lower intellectual level. I think that you should let him do his thing, and when he comes tumbling down from his pedestal, he will have much to answer for. Let him be "alone for the rest of his life". The fact that he dared to say that shows that he has know idea what it is like to be alone! He thinks he doesnt need you, because hes used to having you. But he will learn. I think you should neither chase him, nor hold any grudge against him (not that you would) simply alienate yourself from him. this is the oldest story in existence (prodical son, the fallen angels) his pride has gotten the better of him. Wash youre hands of the matter, and sooner or later he will learn. Hopefully he will find you again, but nothing is certain. I just believe that if you try and hold on to him, this will only reassure him that he doesnt need you, that hes better than you, and that he should dump you. But dont hold this against him either, he sees himself as a bigshot yet lacks the wisdom of experience, we all do this at times in our life. But this is just my personal opinion, and i wont lie in saying im no expert. Best of luck!
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