A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of over 3 yrs has a friend who is a girl. I also have make friends but I am becoming slightly alarmed with the amount of defense he puts up for their friendship. I have expressed my uncomfort for a while now but I have got nowhere. This girl is extremely attached to my boyfriend she often calls him durin work txts him throughout the day and is constantly asking him out on facebook and get this shes married now with a child and she still won't stop. Personally I don't think shes very happy from what shes told my boyfriend as the pregnancy was unexpected but I thought she would at least chill out but she hasn't. Mind you im a grown woman who also has male friends I understand long friendships but I find it disrespectful that she expressed on my boyfriend page her disapproval for our relationship and after knowing I do not care for her has yet to respect boundaries. Its as if she has this attitude of ive known him longer I come first. Among the things ive already mentioned even when I tried to be friendly and invite her to his bday she kept trying to hold his hand and has even made fun of my boyfriend on his fb for being sweet to me yet he defends her and her malicious actions all the time. Something is not right and I have male friends but I don't make them more important than my relationship. my boyfriend just recently told me she wasnt going anywhere and if I expected this to be a long term relationship id better get used to her being around cause shes not going anywhere. Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): How long has he had this friend? How did they behave before you and your boyfriend got together?I had something like this happen. I had friends of about 8 years when my girlfriend and I got together. We'd always been the huggy type. My girlfriend, for the longest time, had problems with the hello/goodbye hugs. It took a while, but by always bringing her along when I hang out with them, she's become good friends with them too, and trusts me when I hang out with them without her now.The big catch here is that it is his place to put her in hers. If you confront her directly, she will complain to your boyfriend, and if he thinks you've been unreasonably jealous, he'll start doubting how well you two fit. But talk to him. Explain how you feel and why you feel that way. Explain to him that you don't want him to stop speaking to her, but you want to feel more like his girlfriend by being the only one he holds hands with at group functions.If he's not willing to address your concerns, especially if he is more affectionate with her than with you, then you deserve someone better.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 Wow, perhaps he should just date her. I wouldn't tolerate this bullcrap either. I don't care how long they have been friends, you are in a romantic intimate relationship with this man, she is just his "friend" and she obviously doesn't respect that and your bf is either clueless or just doesn't care.
Do you really want to stay in this relationship with a jealous female friend who wants what she can't have?
On the one hand you can play nice, too nice and just be sickeninly sweet to her. Kill her with kindness if you will.
The other hand, you can be very obvious about what role you play in his life. You get to be intimate with him, she doesn't, perhaps she should be reminded of that? In a subtle way mind you. If your bf doesn't think it's a big deal for her to do what she is doing, then perhaps enlist the help of some of your male friends and show him what she is doing.
All of that is pretty highschool stuff to do, but unless you break up with him, he has made it clear that she is going to be around. So deal with her being around or find a bf who doesn't have an emotionally dependant female friend.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 You shouldn't be expected to put up with this crap and if your boyfriend is completely ignoring your pleas and worries then I think it's time to move on. You can give him a ultimatum and tell him he either takes your feelings into account or your not sticking around to be made to feel inferior any longer.
This woman is pathetic and sounds desperate. She needs to back off and understand the boundaries of your relationship. I'm highly surprised violence hasn't come into this story yet because I'm more than sure any woman acting up on my boyfriend and trying to hold his hand would be certainly knocked out.
If your boyfriend can't see that her behaviour is innappropriate and wrong then he's missing a few screws. If you aren't ready to give such an ultimatum then try the jealousy tactic. Spend more time with one of your male friends. Maybe even let them in on the secret and have them text you more often. Have them act the same way she acts towards your boyfriend and see if a taste of their own medicine does the trick.
You can't stay in this relationship any longer if changes aren't made. 3 years isn't a lifetime so don't waste yours with the wrong man.
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