A
female
age
51-59,
*pinionated
writes:My live-in boyfriend of about 1.5 years has lately just started raging, calling me a f**king stupid bitch c**t, when i say something he doesnt want to hear. (like, "i thought you paid that bill".) he says its because i am giving him bitch tone or attitude. i know sometimes i can be tone-bitchy, but dont think that justifies the yelling etc. we had been planning to purchase the home we live in, which belongs in his family, so essentially, is his. after our last fight, he gave me all these ground rules, essentially, be nice or get out. i want to be nice, but i also want to be able to voice my opion about the major decisions going on in our lives. he has never had a serious, (as in dealing with buying a house etc) relationship before. seems like the big issues in his previous relationships with 20-something girls were where to go for a beer. i am 37, he is 33. i really would like this to work, but dont want to be his subject. (he has started once a month counselling for his anger.) do we stand a chance? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): I too think you should pack your stuff and LEAVE. He has no right to talk to you the way he does. He's being abusive.
You do not need nor deserve to put up with this kind of treatment. If you think you can sometimes act "bitchy" that's a matter for you to work on, but I think you'd do well to find a place of your own and call it quits with this man.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 Is he always this way or is tis new behaviour? I've never called my wife those things (out loud). If you're buying the house, then it's yours too, not just his. Make sure you get it all on paper.
Sit down and talk to him about his anger. Go to therapy as a couple if need be. Don't make any major decisions though until he makes some progress. You admit to being bitchy too. Are you pushing his buttons? We're only hearing your side of the story.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (25 July 2007):
My gut instinct here is to get out of this relationship just as soon as you can. No man says that kind of thing to anybody that he genuinely loves. You are not in a position of being married to him and I gather through your question above that no children are involved. In short this means that you could get out of this with very few complications and could wrap things up without ever having to see him again. Wether you get yourself involved within another relationship or just have a bit of time out there on your own where you could gain a little more independance and a little more strength you need to get clear of this one. There is one positive thing that you say may be in favour of this relationship commencing and that is that he is actively seeking anger management. Couldn't this be weekly instead of monthly? and is he going there because he wants or needs to go there or because he has been told by you or somebody else to go?This to me sounds one step away from beatings which usually follow on from this type of verbal abuse. Also if you put up with it once he knows you will put up with it aghain and again until something very serious happens - when it just might be too late.
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A
female
reader, typical_me +, writes (25 July 2007):
I think your boyfriend sounds like a big spoiled child. I don't mean that in a rude way but he needs to grow up and be able to listen to you and value your oppinion otherwise he's just a bully.We can all get bitchy sometimes, my boyfriend tells me I do it too. But there's no excuse for saying things like that to a woman or swearing at you at all really. Maybe he's used to speaking to women like that.I live in a house my boyfriend owns and it's difficult enough feeling great about doing and saying your own thngs in the house without him being like that.You're not his "bitch" you're hs girlfriend. and more importantly, a human being. I'd remove any priveliges you've given him or anything in the house that's rightfully yours until he gets his act together.
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